can I start a "Is DH being unreasonable" thread?

[mollysmum82]

Or rather, is DH being a snob?

We're coming up to the primary school applications time of our life and have two very different schools on our list so far:

School A is described by Ofsted as serving a disadvantaged area (21% free school meals) and has 44% pupils with English as an additional language. It achieved an outstanding Ofsted recently and has scored 90% + in key stage 2 sats (level 4) for the last few years. I visited this school and the staff seemed really warm and friendly, both to me and DD. The Head seems to be a good leader and have her head screwed on.

School B serves an "advantaged" area (3% free school meals) and has 3% EAL pupils. It got a good Ofsted and its Sat results range from 70-80% Ks2 level 4 over the past few years. I haven't visited this school yet.

Now obviously I need to visit School B but on the face of it I much prefer A. I think it says a lot that the school can achieve so well considering the catchment it serves. I don't view the high percentage of EAL pupils as a disadvantage as I have friends of many cultures myself and hope DD will too.

However DH is the polar opposite. He worries school A will be rough and that DD would be bullied there. He's heard School B has a great reputation and wants her to go there. He freely admits he's a snob. He too has friends of many cultures but he does worry the teachers will have to spend longer helping the EAL pupils (to the English as a first language pupils' detriment)

So just wanted to know really, are these the kind of factors which influenced your applications? Or did you go with your instinct following visits? Many thanks

I would say you really need to go and look at school B to compare, you can't judge a school without seeing it. I would say when I chose I was slightly influenced by the snob factor but didn't get in and very pleased I didn't as I love the school my dd goes to, it is a very mixed school, both ethnically and wealthily (if that makes sense) but that makes it even better and certainly doesn't make it rough - all the children are polite, happy, etc. Go and look at the other school before making a judgement.

I think most normal parents will tell you that Ofsted means diddly squat and you should look at the school and the pupils and the 'feel good factor' of it.

BTW - without knowing what your EAL make up is - if its black African - the school will excel - largely hardworking, very religious, work ethic background - pushy parents, children with exemplary manners who also want to cross culturally mix.

Go and look at both, then decide.

And I think there is nothing wrong with your DH wanting his daughter to go to the best school she can.

You are both a bit entrenched in your positions.
You can't decide fairly until you've visited B. A sounds great, B might be even better (and don't rely on Ofsted, try and speak to other parents)

I have no idea what EAL means (and please do not tell me) but consider this: you and DH are the only people on this planet who give one shit about your children. If you do not fight for the best for them you can be certain that nobody else will.

EAL= English as an additional Language

OFSTED means nothing really you need to visit both schools

Never go off Ofsted reports.
Go and see both schools.
Visit in the day, ask to be taken around, get a feel for the place.
Is the HT a blagger? Are they following their 'HT talk script' or are they talking to you about your child?
Are they busy talking about statistics and computers ( resources ) or do they talk about the pupils?
How do the teachers interact with pupils? How do the Pupils behave?

trois:BTW - without knowing what your EAL make up is - if its black African - the school will excel - largely hardworking, very religious, work ethic background - pushy parents, children with exemplary manners who also want to cross culturally mix.

Nice generalisation there

Ofsted isnt really worth worrying over IMO , My children go/went to a rubbish school and have thrived dd1 left with good grades
we dont really have the choice In scotland we usually go with catchment schools , But look at both schools dont be influenced by attendance and deprived area statistics , its a load of Rubbish IMo , go with the school you like not what a report says ,

Oh and tell your husband your DD can be bullied regardless of schools , nicer children can be bullies too im sorry to say ,

You need to see both but just reading that I would go for school B, as the children there would be more like my child, i.e not on free meals, english as a first.

When we looked at pre school both out a great report one (a) was in a area when 90% of the children where from lone parent familys on benefits, the other (b) has 90% family units where at lest one parent works and has children with disbilitys.

We picked B as it was more the place we as a family are and we liked the fact our child would see those with disibilitys so it would be normal.

Pre-school A was a 5min walk away Pre-school B is over an hour away, you have to do the best for your child no one else will

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences, its really helped.

I really need to stop obsessing about schools!

Bear in mind that with Pupil Premium funding, schools with high FSM stats do pretty well - so yes, while there may be additional needs, there is in theory at least a bit of money to go with it, and which has to be spent on those needs.

Look at School B: your husband may have a point. Ofsted means nothing, but from bitter personal experience I can say that accent does - if your child has a 'posh' voice and most of the children at school A don't, she will be bullied. I was actually fine at primary school (in the sense that no long-term damage was done), but I had no friends and dealt with being beaten up in the playground by hiding in the library at every break.

Oh Tadlow that's terrible, I'm so sorry to hear that :(