To have presumed my Dad's death hasn't really effected my 2 year old?

[QueenSconetta]

I am posting this here rather than bereavement as it seems possibly a little too removed from what that forum is about/for.

My Dad died 6 weeks ago, and obviously I explained it to DD (2.4), e.g. that Grandpa was in heaven, and that he didn't need his wheelchair (still at home) anymore because he could walk in heaven, and that he wasn't coming back, it was ok to be sad etc etc. Not all at the same time obviously.

She was very matter of fact and when asked if she missed him she said no! So I presumed she had taken it in her stride pretty much.

However yesterday I told her that I had to go and see the doctor, and worried little face said 'Mummy not going to heaven?'.

Have I been too quick to presume she wasn't really bothered? Is there a way I can better understand what she is feeling and help her?

I have hidden my grief from her as best I can.

I guess reasure her your ok abd talk about grandad little but often chin up

sorry for your loss.

keep it simple with your dd. Just answer what she asks. Too much info will confuse her. She will be fine.

Years ago, just when I thought my ds understand about uncle and heaven, he asked "Is Heaven near Scarboro?" - this made me realise how little ones take things in their stride; it's us that complicates things.
She will be fine.

My granny died last year and we explained it to DD (then 3) quite a lot. My aunt also died a year before that and so I had mentioned death/heaven then too.

My guess, based on the questions etc. that I have had from DD, is that he probably won't feel too sad about Grandad not being there anymore but might worry a bit about when other people will die. I said that usually people only die when they are very old and very sick.

I try to be honest and be careful about the words I use when explaining too so that she doesn't misunderstand that being sick = you will die or whatever.

I also explained taht people are sad when someone dies 'cause they will miss them but the person is fine up in heaven and you can always think about them and remember them.

So, just answer any questions she might have as they come, as honestly as you can and at the right level and don't worry too much about her seeing you sad 'cause it is all part of life.

I think things like grief and illness are very hard to deal with when you have young children 'cause you just have to get on with things so my thoughts are with you and I am very sorry for the loss of your dad.

First of all can I say so sorry for your loss.

Kids are very very resiliant and in my opinion you have done the right thing being honest with her. She is just trying to work through things in her unique 2 year old way at the moment and may just need a little extra reassurance.

I am sure she will be fine, she has just faced this issue earlier than most but will probably come out of it with a bit more understanding.

Sorry again x

I told her I wasn't planning to go for a good long time, which she seemed happy with and confirmed that 'grandpa's in heaven'.

I'm sure she will be fine, I just hate the thought of her being sad or fretful and me not knowing and helping her. I'll add it to the list I guess!

Small children take things very matter-of-factly. Explain as straightforwardly as possible; avoid euphemisms ('gone to sleep' especially; TBH I wouldn't confuse a tot with a notion such as 'heaven').

There are some books which can help a child understand death. When DDs greatuncle died when she was 3, she kept asking for 'Badgers parting gifts', and looked a bit thoughtful but not unhappy about it. The last Mog book (forget the name) is good but read it few a few times alone to make sure you can read it aloud without dissolving!

Just make sure she understands that people only die when they are very old or sick.

I should say SHE confirmed Grandpa's in heaven, like I might have forgotten!

Thank you for your kind words, x.

Sorry for your loss.

My FIL died last year after a short stay in hospital when my DS was 2.6. We told him that granddad was a star in the sky with our dog who had been put to sleep a few weeks earlier. He has never been upset by either death but in a clear night he points to doggy star and grandad star which I find comforting and it's lovely for him to remember his grandad this way.

Coincidentally I was 37 weeks pregnant with DS2 when FIL died and when I went into hospital to have him DS didn't make any connection. They are funny little things and his innocence is so precious

My stepmum died when DS2 was 2 and my dad when he was 3. When he asked what had happened I think I said something like "Grandma / Grandpa was old and some things inside them stopped working and the doctors couldn't fix them anymore".

That seemed to be enough information although he did ask a few times when we were going to visit them etc.

should have added
Sorry for your loss