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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't know which way to turn

9 replies

MotherOfOneAsOf2001 · 20/03/2012 16:56

Long-time lurker, first time poster, blah blah vagine, bungalow in the back yard, I'm not a troll.

I'm in my 30's and have had a very up and down relationship with my mother since my teens, but in my twenties we became a lot closer. I've never seely seen her as a mum, more of an older sister.

My mother works in a caring profession and a few years back ended up trying to take an overdose of painkillers to end her life. This was because of several different issues stemming from her workplace essentially abusing her verbally and psychologically, money trouble and the death of a friend.

It managed to put her into a psychiatric hospital and she had a complete mental breakdown.

A year later and she had a new job, seemed a lot happier and her previous employers had admitted they were at fault. She was brought home jibbering and completely useless - she'd taken drugs again. But when she came back to earth she was adamant that she hadn't taken it herself - she'd been slipped it by a co-worker that was going to get fired, and saw her as the reason for it. We believed her, as did the police.

She is currently attending CBT, has moved on to a new job and is working through a lot of issues. I saw her on Mothers Day and she was so happy. Normal, bouncy, just like she should be.

I've just received a call - she's taken drugs again. I'm so disappointed in her. She's completely out of it, taking bollocks and not making any sense. I can't go and see her because I live too far away and my partner has work commitments. I feel so totally and completely helpless right now.

What do I do? How do I get her to stop all of this stupidity?! I don't know what to believe any more and I can't believe she's done this. I'm sat here with my hands shaking and tears just streaming down my face. I'm so upset with her - why does she want to die so badly?! And if it's not a suicide attempt then what is it?!

I just don't want to lose my mum.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 20/03/2012 17:02

You can't make someone do anything, no matter how much you want it or how much you love them. You can only support them when they decide to change. And, if they don't want to change, you have to accept that it was their decision, not your responsibility and not your fault. I do sympathise. Suicide really is the most heartless, selfish thing anyone can do. Maybe explain to her what impact her behaviour is having on you? Good luck

MotherOfOneAsOf2001 · 20/03/2012 17:05

I've tried. Even my son has tried, and every time she gives us this massive spiel about how she's going to change. I've just had to tell my son why I'm crying and he looks absolutely heartbroken. I can't believe she's been so selfish - he absolutely adores her and hes her only grandson so she is always talking about him and chatting with him on the phone. I could just kill her Sad

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 20/03/2012 17:05

You can't get her to do anything, and that is the frustrating thing Sad

AwkwardMary · 20/03/2012 17:06

When you say "she's taken drugs" do you mean painkillers as in an overdose...or illegal drugs?

Either way...you have all my sympathy, it is VERY hard when someone you love has such severe troubles....my cousin and best friend has had physcological probems since we were 17...she's been sectioned multiple times and I have been very angry about it all...which I suppose you have felt even more as this is your Mum we're talking about here!

Are YOU getting any support? Have you seen anyone proffessional about all of this??

valiumredhead · 20/03/2012 17:06

ALthough it doesn't help with how you feel, think how strong the addiction must be if people put drugs ahead of their families, it isn't actually a choice at that point, it's an addiction. Poor you Sad

valiumredhead · 20/03/2012 17:07

Oh good point awkward overdose or using again?

MotherOfOneAsOf2001 · 20/03/2012 17:10

It's illegal drugs - ones she has access to because of her job. This time she even went so far as to take an anti-sickness injection so her body couldn't reject anything.

The only person I really have is my partner, because for everyone else in the family I'm the one that takes it all in, breathes a deep breath and goes "OK, this is going to be fine, I'll sort everything out". But I don't want to be the strong one any more. My father is useless without my mum - he adores her more than anything on the planet and whenever she does this he just becomes totally helpless. I have to be the one to comfort everyone else.

I just don't think I can do this any more. I wish I could walk away but I can't cut ties with my mum in such a state.

OP posts:
MotherOfOneAsOf2001 · 20/03/2012 17:15

And by "illegal drugs" we're talking about benzodiazepines and all sorts.

OP posts:
zsazsaapplenod · 20/03/2012 18:41

You could let her work know she is stealing drugs that would cut off the supply for now!

The only thing is, if she is determined upon doing it she will find another supply.

There is sadly nothing you can do as it is your mum's choice and until she chooses to LIVE no one can help her :(

I am speaking through experience :(

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