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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to help anymore.

19 replies

BlueFergie · 20/03/2012 16:01

I have a cleaner who comes in for 2 hours every week. She is a nice woman, although her English is poor so communication with her is difficult. Her DH is a sub contractor, and is classified as self employed. He is paid by the main contractor who deduct a certain % for tax and return it to revenue. He can then claim back the tax if his earnings don't reach a certain level. I know this couple are struggling financially. He has worked very sporadically over the last couple of years.
I am an accountant and although I am not specialised in tax I do know a fair bit more about general taxation and budgeting than the lay person. A while ago I offered to check a minor tax point for them, which would have involved me looking at one piece of correspondence and confirming that they were getting a credit they were entitled to. I told my cleaner to bring that letter next week and I'd take a look.
Meanwhile the revenue commissionners had told her DH that until he had brought his income and VAT returns up to date he would not be receiving any refunds.
So a couple of days later he arrives on my door step unannounced. I had never met him before. He introduced himself and I assumed he had come with the letter he discussed with his wife but actually it was a folder full of income and expense details for the past few years as well as the income tax forms sent out by revenue. I was caught on the hop a bit but told him to leave it with me and I would take a look.

A few days later he turned up again, also unannounced. This time he just walked straight in without being invited and showed me some VAT return firms he had been sent. I knew at this stage they were desperate for the money so I decided to help them out. I spent most of that morning with him filling out income tax and vat returns and on the phone to revenue trying to sort it all out. During this I showed him how the forms should be filled out.
A couple of weeks later his wife told me he had received more correspondance. She asked if he could call down. I said know I was busy but if she brought it the following week I would take a look. This was ignored and again he just showed up unannounced. Again he tried to walk in. I stepped into the door so he couldn't get in. He showed my the letters. I took a look and told him quickly what he had to do, and he went off.
This morning his wife asked could he call today. I said no as I was out. I was out all morning and after picking DS1 up from Montessori returned home as he has a quick snack before we leave for basketball. This man was waiting in a car outside the house when I got back. Again with a folder full of stuff looking for me to do a tax return for 2011.
I was exasperated. I told him that. Ad shown him how t complete the forms and he should be able to do it himself. He said he couldn't. Finally I said that I normally charge for this sort of work, and i don't do it for free. He seemed to accept this and left.

I don't want to he them out anymore for the following reasons
1 The requests just keep coming. it seems I will be there designated go to person for all tax issues and I don't want to do this. My friend who the woman also works for has helped out in the past and is now getting calls from him to sort out all sorts from car insurance to clamping to landlord problems. Also they are asking her for money now

2 I do not like people arriving at my house unannounced and unwilling to accept no for an answers. Especially when he just walks in.

3 I know that he is not declaring all his income on the tax returns. Although I am not signing off on them and am therefore not responsible for the contents I am unwilling to be involved at all with fraudulent tax returns.

So sorry for the novel. I feel like a total bitch now. AIBU to refuse to help them out anymore?

OP posts:
Firawla · 20/03/2012 16:04

yanbu at all, he sounds very pushy which is not nice at all to put you in that position

JustHecate · 20/03/2012 16:06

No. You're not.

I think you need to be very blunt.

I also think you should look for another cleaner if it's the only way to get him out of your life.

Walking into your home uninvited?
Expecting you to do lots of work?
dodgy finances?

My This Will End Badly For You alarm is deafening me!

How long before they start asking you for money? I gaze into my crystal ball and see the future...

Calamityboo · 20/03/2012 16:09

No YANBU, I do not know much about tax and stuff, but I do know when I am being taken for granted. They are clearly desperate for the help and advice and need someone to sort this for them, but surely there are other agencies able to do this for them, I am not sure but maybe the CAB can point them in the right direction, it is not fair that they are relying on you to do this for them.

Don't feel like a bitch, I think you have done more than enough, I think you are lovely for doing what you have done.

Viewofthehills · 20/03/2012 16:10

YANBU
Have they offered to do anything in return? Do you spend all morning with him to then pay his wife to clean your house.

I would suggest someone else he could use or present him with a bill for your services to date (although that might mean you would have to find a new cleaner)

ariadne1 · 20/03/2012 16:10

i am an accountant too and i have learned never ever do anyone a favour (professionally) it will ALWAYS come back to bite you on the bottom.No good deed goes unpunished etc

PurplePidjin · 20/03/2012 16:11

Either don't help, or present them with an invoice.

They have taken the massive piss, you're his wife's employer not a family friend!

wineandroses · 20/03/2012 16:11

They are taking the piss. Also, you are right not to want to have any involvement with fraudulent tax returns - I can imagine a horrible scenario where he gets challenged by HMRC and plays dumb, telling them that you, the accountant, completed the return. Next thing you know, you're being charged under the proceeds of crime act. OK, maybe that's a bit far-fetched, but still, get a new cleaner and cut all contact with them.

Bobyan · 20/03/2012 16:13

I'd prepare a bill for the time spent, if he turns up again give it to him and tell him he has to pay you in cash immediately before you do anything else.
I guarantee he'll leave and not return Grin.

Hassled · 20/03/2012 16:15

The cleaner might well be a nice woman but as long as she continues to clean for you I can't see this going away any time soon. You should probably give notice.

LydiaWickham · 20/03/2012 16:24

Give them the details of where they can look for an accountant, tell them that as they need professional advise and then stick to it that you don't have the time to be their accountant and that as you don't specialise in this area, you might get it wrong. Keep repeating the same thing, you can't help any further, don't let them catch you on the hop, just stick to saying no.

Also, change cleaner.

BlueFergie · 20/03/2012 16:29

Thanks everyone. I felt so awful today after turning him away as I know they really don't understand the system but when I saw it all written down I knew I wasn't really being unreasonable.
I understand what you are saying about changing cleaner but they are so desperate for money I would hate to take away income from her even if it is only a small weekly amount.

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 20/03/2012 16:39

Don't feel awful, you have been very kind and helpful. They can't expect you to sort out everything.

Print off the local CAB office and hand it to her next time she brings it up - tell her he will need to make an appointment.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 20/03/2012 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girlywhirly · 20/03/2012 16:40

I think you need to be blunt as well. Tell him that if he needs your accountancy services he should pay like everyone else. Being desperate for money should not mean he can take advantage the way he is doing.

Tell him that you will do no further work for him of any kind, and that if he keeps on harassing you, you will have to terminate his wife's cleaning job with you. You could also say that you suspect he isn't declaring all his earnings and will go to the relevant authorities if necessary. He is to leave your friend alone as well. Get a chain fitted on your door and don't let him gain access to your home.

In fact, how much can you trust the wife if they are really that broke, with free access to all the rooms in your home, possibly a key as well?

bumperella · 21/03/2012 10:57

If you're a CA you can't just invoice for services - you need to get a Practice Certificate and PII first.
A freebie favour for a freind is fair enough, but you don't trust this guy, and IF he later claims that you screwed up or that you charged him then it could be a grim situation for you. He's taking the p.
Tell him you don't have time, and refer him to someone else if you know of anyone.

EmilyThorne · 21/03/2012 11:12

"In fact, how much can you trust the wife if they are really that broke, with free access to all the rooms in your home, possibly a key as well?"

I thought this too and then felt a bit ashamed of myself. Just because they don't have much money, doesn't mean that they are dishonest. But I would still feel uncomfortable having her in the house (presumably when you may not be there) if the relationship soured. I don't know what the cleaners' version of a waiter spitting in your food would be, but wouldn't want to find out...

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 21/03/2012 11:16

Of course YANBU. These people are spectacularly taking the piss. I would get a new cleaner too, I wouldn't be able to trust someone in my home who displays such little respect for boundaries.

MrsArchieTheInventor · 21/03/2012 11:23

You are not being unreasonable at all. They are taking the piss and sound like they will continue to do so with anyone who lets them. Your friend eventually sussed them out, as you have done, and unfortunately it sounds like she is still getting hassle from them, though now that she is wise to it maybe she is more able to say no, that enough is enough, and hopefully you feel able to do the same, at which point I suspect they will simply move on to someone else.

It's one thing to do a favour for someone, another thing completely to be taken advantage of like that.

Mimishimi · 21/03/2012 11:23

I would start looking for another cleaner immediately. It is not okay, in anybody's culture, to walk in unannounced. Or to expect someone to provide ongoIng professional services for free. In my husband's culture, there is a tradition of close family members and friends helping each other out but they would never expect it from outside that circle. The husband sounds like a user and I would be very, very uncomfortable having them acquainted with my home.

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