Am I making too much of this?

[Kirk1]

Dh and DD (12) had an arguement over her homework again. I don't think it's relevant what the argument was about, DH, like a teenage grump told her "I hate you". I want him to apologise and have said "I'm sorry but" is not acceptable. It must be an unreserved apology. Aibu to insist? Would a half hearted apology be better than the nothing I feel sure he's said so far? I'm v cross he said it at all, I don't feel a parent should ever say that to a child.

Glad it's sorted.

Totally different, but I once accused my mum of not loving me in the heat of an argument. She passionately responded that she did love me, of course she loved me, she just didn't like me very much right now. I remember stopping dead, pondering & saying fair enough, at which point we both burst out laughing.

Your poor DD.

I remember my Father (who I love so much) saying something equally hurtful to my Dsis once. She was about 17 I think and was a little lazy in all honesty and her room was a tip. My Dad knocked on the door to ask her something and saw the mess. He told her to clear it up and she said 'I'm busy I'll do it later' or something like that, in a stroppy way. She was a stroppy teen... For some reason it escalated into a row and he shouted 'don't argue with me you fat cow!'.

Now my Dad was never known for swearing, being insulting or being rude. I'd never ever heard him say anything like that before. We were all totally shocked. Unfortunately my Dsis was quite large and still is today and she's never ever forgotten what he said. I honestly think that their relationship changed that day and now he bends over backwards to do things for her. Probably because he never apologised for what he said and still feels guilty about that. She's now 26 with two DSs of her own but none of us have forgotten it.

I hope that your DH's relationship with your DD doesn't go the same way...

Completely unacceptable, inappropriate, childish and potentially very damaging.

My DC have driven me up the wall, across the ceiling and down the other side. Sometimes I've had to leave the room to compose myself before I say/do something I might regret. But it's never occurred to me to say "I hate you" to either of them and I can't see that it would to any normal, decent parent.

Well. Ie might be a good time for the three of you to sit down and agree a few rules re homework and appropriate arguing.

Yikes, I misread this thinking the DD had said "I hate you" and thought well, duh.

Absolutely not OK.

DD hates me quite often, at which point I say I love her.

Your DD will never forget what he said even if he did apologise.