To think they are old enough now?

[loveulotslikejellytots]

My Brothers are 19 and 20. Both have full time jobs and both earn the same as I do. AIBU to think that they should remember to get our Mum a Mothers day card? I usually text them to remind them and often end up buying the cards for them. I didn't this year. They have both said that they are skint. A card costs what... 70p? Mum came round yesterday for dinner and she was quite upset that neither of them could be bothered.

I phoned them both today and told them not to forget that it's also her Birthday Wedesday and that if they haven't got the money for a card I will pick one up for them.

I'm annoyed with myself for 'offering' to do it again when they should be doing this themselves but my Mum looked so upset yesterday. She wasn't upset that they hadn't got her a card but that they couldn't be bothered.

Will they ever get it into their heads that it's the small gestures that mean a lot.

they are old enough.

Your mum should tell them off - and maybe next year they will remember to get a card.

Yes they are old enough, no you shouldn;t offer and what mutt said.

They are old enough to make their own decisions, and their own failings.

Poor mum :(

YANBU, they are old enough to do it themselves; however, you are being a very very good and kind sister/daughter by making sure they don't miss occasions that mean a lot to your mum.

I'd perhaps let them know she was a little upset yesterday- did they not even call her?

They won't sort it out themselves if they know that you will do it for them. Don't take responsibility for this.

My mum still rings my brother to make sure that he's remembered birthdays. He is 36.

They never will the whole time some covers their backs for them. I know you don't want to see your mum hurt but covering for them isn't doing them any favours.

They are taking her for granted. If I was you, I'd be advising her to suggest they start looking to move out of the family home. They aren't children anymore and they aren't grateful enough to make a small gesture that from previous years they must know means something to her.

Yes deffinatly they should buy a card themselfs. My daughters actually made their cards for me they are nearly 21 and 23. This means they thought about me, even though it wasn't a brought card.

Boys though wouldn't want to make a card and there's so many way's that a card can be brought nowerdays. Moonpig, Funky Pigeon or even a e card. (I did this for my dad as he is into his gadgets and things a bit different- he loved it!)

BTW - did you tell them she'd cried? Did they understand just how upset they made her? When they say they are skint, did you point out what she's saving them in rent?

YANBU

Both of them live at home. I told them she was upset and it didn't seem to bother them that much. The older one just said that he would make it up to her once he'd been paid. The younger one didn't really say anything. He would have forgotten by now.

DH says I'm a muppet to keep doing it for them but I don't want my Mum thinking that they don't care, I think they are just a bit selfish.

They are quick to forget when they need petrol money or their MOT paid for.

They don;t care though . I think your mum has made her bed a bot from the sounds of it. I would be telling my dc why I was upset and what was appropriate as a means to make it up. They cannot know how to behave if they aren't shown.

Lydia - that wouldn't even enter their heads I don't think. They forget about how much both our parents have done for us. My Dad got both of them jobs for a start.

These boys (because that's what they are) are not going to mature into men until they are given a shove out of the door and into the real world. No-one is doing them any favours by putting them on a pedestal and giving them everything. They are going to continue to behave like this until they are forced to be adults.

Does your Dad live at home too? Can he read them the riot act?

You need to stop running around after them. You need to tell your mum to stop, and to think about when she wants them to leave home. However, if they are so used to being selfish, your mum is probably used to putting them first, so it'll be hard for her to realise she is allowed to tell her adult DCs to stop taking her for granted and to leave.

And you should point out what your parents are doing for them, it obviously doesn't occur to them, point it out in clear language. Use figures. Tell them every time you speak to them. It'll sink in eventually, or they'll get sick of hearing it and start standing on their own two feet.

YANBU to think they should.

But you know they don't.

I think that what you have done, by reminding them, is a good thing from the pov that it will please your DM which is appears to be your aim. But your DH is right too - you are their sister, not their parent, and their actions are not your responsibility. That doesn't however mean you shouldn't do it - you can continue to act as you see fit to make things a bit nicer for your mother. Or turn the reminders over to your father. Or leave it, and see your DM take the consequences. Which of those will leave you thinking you have done the right thing?