to think Step-Parents are very much under rated?

[NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat]

I used to have a real arse about step parents, in particular step mums, being even more specific my own childrens step mum but looking at things objectively it's because my children are so fantastic and she is so young and quite probably broody that she is how she is about them.

That little bit aside I think what she and my own DP put up with in regards the petty spats the ex and I have, the mopping up the emotional fall out that the latest court action has brought on, the financial fall out of maintenence (or in our case the lack of) not to mention the biggest impact of all that is taking on the children Knowing they aren't yours but allowing yourself to love them as if they were and just generally being amazing really.

AIBU to think Step-Parents really are an under rated species?

Signed, one previously unappreciative previously single parent.

Well I like to think so, but then I've been one for 17 years so I'm a little biased.

Yeah I'd go with that - my ds's step mum is lovely and they really like each other plus she's made ds dad far more organised and thoughtful.

I reckon he is still a thoughtless selfish git but now she bears the brunt of it!

The replies you might get should be fairly interesting - your views are pretty unusual on here. Stepmothers are all witches don't you know! .

Anyway I happen to agree with you. Read a series of threads any day of the week on mumsnet and you will find hundreds of mums having difficulties with their own children. Again more threads from friends of mums having real difficulties handling children of their friends for an hour of two. Again more threads from aunts of children having to "button it" while their own flesh and blood nephews and nieces are in the house.

Yet stepmothers look after/clean for/wash for/feed/care for their step-children and low behold if they dare to ever have anything to say on the matter. It really is not easy. And also, a position in which you actually can't easily share your views or difficulties because you will be judged as a heartless harridan for daring to have an opinion.

I am very close to my step granny and feel quite cross when people suggest she is less of a grandparent. She was very involved with me from birth and now as an adult welcomes me in a way which suggests I am 'her own' and in fact it is never even called into question.

She gets cross if I bring a bottle of wine as 'this is my home' when I go to see her. Also, when my grandfather dies she was vv supportive of everyone, blood child/grandchild/neice/nephew or not.

I do wonder what some mums on here are denying their grandchildren with their hostility to the step mum.

It takes a village!

I think a good step-parent is very underrated.

My own stepmum treats my child like he is the messiah. This is enough to make me endlessly adore her. She never makes me feel she could love him any more or he is in any way not her family.

My step-father is also a very nice man who is always respectful of me and puts lots of effort into our relationship. And again, he treats my son as a grandchild, so this to me is definitely the way to my heart.

It makes me sad to read some threads on here about step-parenting because as an adult, I find my step-parents are such a good addition to the family.

I agree. My step dad is amazing. I have no contact with my biological dad as he's a bastard, so my step dad has been my dad. He's always treated me like his daughter, and been there for me through everything.
Just seeing how my dd loves her papa, and remembering all he's done for me, makes me wish he was my biological father.

Yanbu.

I hope I am an amazing step-mum!

Nowhere near perfect, but I am definitely appreciated, both by DP and his XW, probably more by XW than DP!

Ah, now I'm never going to be appreciated by my step-son's mum, but I don't care, cos I have a great relationship with him. The only reason I don't mention him much is that he's grown up and flown the nest(s)

My step dad is brilliant! He's an amazing grandad to my DCs and you'd never know he wasn't biologically their grandad.

My SD is wonderfull and the relationship he has with my DD is amazing!

I'm also not too bad a step mother myself. When DP and I first got together I over heard DSD telling DP I was her favourite ever mam after her real one (Just to clarify she hasn't had that many - but I take my compliments where I find them!!)

Very under-rated. There are lots of brilliant ones quietly getting on with it. We get a biased view because we hear the tales of those who have problems.

My first stepmother was lovely, and put up with a lot of (unjustified) stick from my mother. But when my dad divorced her a few years ago we lost touch. :(

YANBU. I think we are lucky in that we in general have a good relationship with DSS' mum. I try to be as good a mum as I can to DSS without treading all over his own mum's toes.

Ah it's lovely to hear so many positive stories for once! :o

My SM is not unappreciated by me at all , it is thanks to her that me and my dad have such a great relationship now . He is fab but a wee bit detached from emotion , she made sure that we never lost touch .

I am now 41 and it is all down to her that we are such a close extended family .