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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to wear clothes that fit!?

28 replies

letseatgrandma · 19/03/2012 15:50

DH has put on a fair amount of weight and obviously whilst he should lose it, he hasn't and is still trying to squeeze himself into the old clothes. This looks awful and whilst I'm trying to get him into bigger clothes that actually fit him-he says they are too long and flappy.

I can understand what he's saying, but I feel that it's horrible for me (and everyone else) to have to be exposed to a gruesome sight of arse every time he bends over and of stomach apron when he lifts his arms up. He just says that he needs to lose weight not new clothes and whilst this is true-as he's not currently doing anything to help lose weight does he have to look so awful in the meantime (and it can't be comfortable?)! I haven't said any of this by the way-am just thinking it!!

I appreciate that he doesn't want to accept he needs a bigger size, but he does!

Also-what might suit a chap who is 5 foot 9 with a very large stomach, short legs and about 16 stone sad

I know I sound like a right bitch but can anyone offer any advice?

OP posts:
RuleBritannia · 19/03/2012 15:52

Try a charity shop and buy him a smock. He might get the hint!

ButteryBiscuitBase · 19/03/2012 15:53

Try jacamo website order him something as a "present?"

PurplePidjin · 19/03/2012 15:55

Asics do good shoes, very supportive Wink

doublechocchip · 19/03/2012 15:58

yanbu this was my dh last year who went up to xxxl and refused to believe it until 2 things 1) I took a video of him at a party bending down/etc while he didnt notice to prove to him just how much crack/stomach he was showing and 2) he actually got pulled in work for it and was told to invest in some better clothes (embarrasing for him poor guy).

He conceded defeat and bought the larger clothes and looked much better. As for what suited, long jumpers bought from places like next or m&S as all the cheaper shops would have too much shrinkage in their clothes so he had to spend a little more, same applied with jeans and belts are a definite must with every outfit!

(My dh has actually lost 2 stone now and feels and looks much better but it took a while for him to want to lose it).

Original poster
letseatgrandma · 19/03/2012 16:09

Thank you for the advice-good to know I'm not being a cow!

That Jacamo website looks good. I'm not sure what size to order though as he clearly needs something longer, but he's not very tall, so I don't want to get the long version and have it look like a dress!?

OP posts:
ReebleBauble · 19/03/2012 16:29

I have the same problem with my DP. Its taken me YEARS to get him to cover up the under belly, but Im still working on the arse crack. He says it must be in his genes because his dads a builder. I've pointed out that if it was in his jeans, we wouldnt be having this discussion.

Hes 6ft2 and a 54inch chest. Think rugby player after a few years indulging in the ale. So far the ONLY tops we've found that fit (and stay fitting after a wash) are Ralph Lauren ones from High and Mighty but at £110 per top he'll be washing and rotating the two he has until we win the lottery.

Grag · 19/03/2012 16:29

Buy him a tutu like Homer Simpson had.

marriednotdead · 19/03/2012 16:37

I have a similar weight/shaped DH who is even shorter than yours so I understand your frustration. I buy all his clothes now. He admitted he must be putting on weight a couple of years ago when he split the arse out of two pairs of suit trousers in the same week!

I find classic jeans suit his big bum shape better than the lower cut fashion ones, and with a slightly longer top (and a belt) no-one is any the wiser.
I find Debenhams do nice fashion shirts in larger sizes.

If you treat him to an outfit that he feels good in, he may be more accepting (whilst insisting he will lose weight of course).

Original poster
letseatgrandma · 19/03/2012 16:51

Thanks marriednotdead. What size do you buy? I have found that some XL fit, but some don't and some XXL tops are just too long! I'd like him to come shopping with me but he's not going to enjoy that and there's no time without the kids (3 small ones which doesn't help with the shopping) so it ends up with me buying stuff in the hope that it fits-he put off trying it on as he thinks he looks crap in everything and then I never know if it fits or not!!

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 19/03/2012 16:53

When I was at my heaviest due to ADs last summer, DP offered to pay for a course of personal training for me on the basis that I could swap the tablets that made me feel fat and shit for naturally produced endorphins and the fitness boost I wanted. I've not posted about it before because it's easy to misinterpret as "dp wanted a thin girlfriend, controlling blah blah blah" which is the complete opposite of what really happened.

Would that be a better solution for you? It needs careful phrasing (see above) but it's the best thing he could have done for me. (we had separate finances at the time and I couldn't afford it for myself. Now we're joint it's still a priority in the budget)

CakeMeIAmYours · 19/03/2012 16:58

Oh, I feel sorry for your DH, I've recently (in the last year or so) put on a fair amount of weight and most of my clothes don't fit me at the moment.

Having to buy bigger clothes is psychologically very difficult - I have refused to do so, as it is acting as an incentive to me to lose the weight. 1 stone down, probably another one (ok, 2) to go Smile

Can't you cut him a bit of slack (no pun intended) and try to motivate him to lose the weight, rather than buy bigger clothes?

Also be aware that if he has a wardrobe of clothes in the larger size, the weight is a lot more likely to stay on. (one of the main reasons I have refused to go down that path)

Oh and at tutu Grin

Would that be a mumu?

Original poster
letseatgrandma · 19/03/2012 17:02

Believe me-I am far more keen for him to lose the weight than buy clothes! I just want one t-shirt that covers his stomach :(

OP posts:
carabos · 19/03/2012 17:08

My DH is the opposite. He's slim and fit, always has been, but clearly his body image is that of someone bigger with bigger feet.

I finally lost patience with it when I travelled to visit him when he was working abroad a few months ago and was met at the airport by worzel gummidge. Luckily he was in a European country where the men dress nicely so I forced him into the nearest shop to buy some clothes that fit.

He was amazed that in order to find a pair of jeans that fit and suited him, he had to spend 15 minutes and try on ooh half a dozen pairs. Left to his own devices, he'd have picked up something approximately in his size range and taken that.

I hate it and take it as a personal insult that when we go out together he makes absolutely no effort to look halfway decent.

CakeMeIAmYours · 19/03/2012 17:09

Fair point, but it will be the thin end of the wedge.

There has to be some discomfort in the current situation for him to have any incentive to change.

I like the idea of taking a video/photos of him. It sounds harsh, but (as I know) it is so easy for one stone to become 2, 3 and 4 and then you have Diabetes and a heart attack knocking on the door and a serious problem on your hands.

TiggyD · 19/03/2012 17:16

Homer Simpson wore a Muumuu.

Unbelievably, just yesterday I was reading the Simpsons guide and read about the show where he gained weight so he was eligible to work from home. I read the word muumuu and noted how it was spelt and thought to myself "That's a word I'll never use"!

Creepy coincidence! Shock

marriednotdead · 19/03/2012 17:35

I find that sports branded t shirts (Nike etc) fit in xl but shirts need xxl or about 17.5 collar, and definitely not slim fit. Jeans are a shocking 40 short, and are still a bit long- he's all arse and no leg! He can get a 38 on but there's not enough ahem room at the top.

Original poster
letseatgrandma · 19/03/2012 17:39

*Fair point, but it will be the thin end of the wedge.

There has to be some discomfort in the current situation for him to have any incentive to change.*

I think the only one with discomfort at the moment regarding the situation is me-I'm the one who is faced with looking at it al hanging out. It annoys me that I bother to keep myself looking nice yet he doesn't-but he still gets something pretty (well, in certain lights!) to look at.

OP posts:
Original poster
letseatgrandma · 19/03/2012 17:40

Jeans are a shocking 40 short, and are still a bit long- he's all arse and no leg! He can get a 38 on but there's not enough ahem room at the top.

They sound about the same size, marriednotdead! Does it bother you? DH wasn't anywhere near this big when we met and tbh, I just wouldn't have ever gone out with him in the first place if he was. That sounds superficial maybe :(

OP posts:
CakeMeIAmYours · 19/03/2012 17:45

Ok, I understand where you're coming from.

It does sound awfully like self esteem issues to me, but I do get that the immediate problem of 'arse-crack-on-show' needs solving with some urgency. Smile

Perhaps the deeper issues can be looked at once he's put it away?

PP have made what looks like useful suggestions - good luck OP!

marriednotdead · 19/03/2012 18:25

We've been together 10 years. When we met and married a couple of years later he wore a 34 waist. In some ways it makes no difference, I do still find him attractive and if I'm honest, I've always been a bit of a 'chubby chaser'.

From a health pov, he's borderline diabetic and already had high blood pressure so I don't think his old age will be long and healthy which saddens me.

I do think that if I had gone up 3 dress sizes his perspective would be somewhat different...

ComposHat · 19/03/2012 18:46

Also-what might suit a chap who is 5 foot 9 with a very large stomach, short legs and about 16 stone

Spanx and a Rosemary Connelly DVD?

Original poster
letseatgrandma · 19/03/2012 18:51

Lol-absolutely Composhat!

I do think that if I had gone up 3 dress sizes his perspective would be somewhat different...

Yes, I agree here.

I do think on Mumsnet there is a certain tendency for mums to be outraged if their husband doesn't fancy them anymore when they've put on 5 stone, but actually...I think that's quite a lot and if you didn't really fancy clinically obese people before, then you probably won't after ten years' marriage. I know I seem to be in the minority with that view though. Of course I love him still though.

Good for you marriednotdead and I love the phrase 'chubby chaser'!!

OP posts:
ComposHat · 19/03/2012 19:29

For the gentleman carrying a bit of timber I would say:

Avoid man made fabric that are shiny or clingy.

Make sure the clothes fit. Too tight looks dreadful (as you're finding out!) and too baggy makes the person look even bigger.

Jeans: keep below the gut (otherwise he will look like humpty dumpty) Go for boot cut hipsters in a dark colour rather than Simon Cowell-esque high waisters) Don't over tighten belts!

Shoes A slight heel on boots and shoes will make legs look longer.

Shirts: A buttoned shirt will look better than a t-shirt, a small discrete pattern, helps to break up the mass of flesh. Undo the top two buttons as that will give a slimmer appearance to the neck.

Jumpers, avoid chunky knits and round neck collars roll necks are an absolute no-no - they emphasise a double chin. Go for V-neck sweaters, they draw the eye down and away from the chin and neck area. Merino wool is good in that it is both warm and thin.

Suits: some larger men go for a double breasted suit thinking it makes them look slimmer, it doesn't! It adds bulk around the middle. Go for a two button suit in a dark fabric (and leave the bottom button undone, otherwise the gut will strain against the bottom button. A double vent is also handy to stop the jacket riding up.

Avoid horizontal stripes, bright colours or huge,patterns, but don't go down the head to toe in black look: use tones: a black jeans, grey shirt, charcoal jumper combo looks way better.

BiddyPop · 20/03/2012 10:16

Composhat - that is great advice!! VERY practical.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn · 20/03/2012 11:05

It's hard to find longer length t-shirts, my DH is the same as yours but a bit taller and a bit heavier and all his tops are just that bit too short to keep him covered unless he stands still with his hands by his sides.
We can get shirts that fit around, it's the bloody length that is always too short Confused
It ends up costing about £30 for one tshirt, and then postage as they come from online places!