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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about the number of strangers who touched my baby today?

62 replies

Babycameearly · 19/03/2012 14:46

Baby is 6 weeks but was prem so looks brand new. We've been out and about for a couple of hours this morning and lots of peope have stopped to coo over him - however about 8 different women have actually reached into his pram to touch him! Including 1 woman who picked up his dummy (from inside the pram) and tried to push it into his mouth! Is this usual???

OP posts:

mummyplonk · 19/03/2012 16:22

I love seeing newborn babies it brightens my boring supermarket trips, but wouldnt touch uninvited. When DS1 was a couple of months old we went to Spain and the waitress was cooing and put her arms out to ask to hold him, which I let her. She then turned around and walked off into the kitchen with him to show all the other waitresses and chefs, I nearly had a heart attack on the spot! (DH followed as I was frozen to the spot) It seemed to be quite a normal thing there and even the men liked a coo.

Original poster

Babycameearly · 19/03/2012 18:39

Mummy - not sure I'd have liked that at all! Nice that people like to coo though - never been approached by so many lovely strangers for little chats which is nice :)

OP posts:

AlpinePony · 19/03/2012 18:45

Totally normal... To the point I don't like going out to busy places! I have had two tinytots which seem to appeal to people, hoe fucking dare they touch my newborn? Believe me I'm not precious, but unsolicited touching? Egads!

A word to the wise - if you're going for number two, can I recommend the Phil & Ted's cocoon system? It means 95% of people don't even know I've got a 5 week old with me! ;)

LimeLeafLizard · 19/03/2012 18:50

When DS2 was teeny weeny, a woman customer in a shop came over to look at him and then started stroking his cheek with her grubby fingers. I was feeling particularly vulnerable and snapped, 'Don't touch him! FFS you wouldn't touch a strange dog without asking, why is it fine to touch a baby!' To which she replied, 'I'll make sure I don't go near any dogs - or bitches - from now on!'

IMO cooing over a baby = fine, touching baby without asking = not fine. And if you are going to break that rule, stroke the little toes, not the cheek.

Original poster

Babycameearly · 19/03/2012 18:57

Lol @ Lime! I

was telling one of the nurses in hospital when ds was in that a woman in a cafe had held out her hands and said 'ooh I'm dying for a hold...' Nurse said 'yeah, i bet you wanted to say 'you'll die waiting Missus'... wish I'd thought of that one!

In all seriousness I've got absolutely no problem with people I know having a cuddle - my aunt positively demanded that I hand him over earlier and spent a good hour cooing over him :)

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 19/03/2012 18:58

Oh well ,never mind

Booboostoo · 19/03/2012 19:16

I was not happy with too many people touching DD when she was very young. Close family, fine, but general friends I'd rather not and strangers no way! Newborns are very vulnerable to infections and even if they just get a cold why should you have to deal with that at such a young age!

DD is now 9 months so I am more relaxed but people are still total plonkers! I was waiting at the docs the other day when a lady came and sat right next to us. She smiled at DD so we smiled back and waved. She said 'I won't touch her though because of the germs'. Lovely I thought, what a thoughtful person! She then proceeded to give a huge cough into her hands and touch DD right after!!!

leftwingharpie · 19/03/2012 19:40

Wow I'd never dream of touching someone's baby like that! I glance into buggies surreptitiously so as not to be caught looking!

misslinnet · 19/03/2012 19:46

I'd be unhappy about complete strangers touching my newborn baby. It's not so bad if it's someone you know, though. So long as they're not ill.

My DS was also 6 weeks early and DH & I were a bit paranoid about even taking him out of the house for the first few weeks after we took him home in case someone sneezed in his direction. Luckily we didn't tend to get strangers trying to touch him.

We've relaxed a bit about that now that he's older

smoggii · 19/03/2012 19:53

RuleBritannia I didn't give a shit that dummies look a bit rubbish, they are recommended by a lot midwives because it is believed that there is a link between the use of a dummy and a lower risk of SIDS. So probably more responsible to use one even if some idiots assume you've done it because you are a 'jeremy kyle type'.

Congratulations on your baby OP and yes it is a bit weird when people touch your baby, I would never touch a strangers baby but I didn't mind with my DD unless they were drunk or smoking

PropertyNightmare · 19/03/2012 19:55

Yanbu. Agree that it not on to touch a random newborn unless invited to hold it etc. I would not do it on the basis that the less people who have contact with a newborn the better. Exposure to germs is not to be encouraged and chicken pox for example can be fatal in a newborn.

PoultryInMotion · 19/03/2012 19:59

Well said smoggii, hate the snobbery about dummies when theirs plenty of evidence to support the use of dummies and reduction in SIDS.

upahill · 19/03/2012 20:02

People love babies. I didn't have a problem with it, in fact I felt like a super proud mum with all the attention. The babies were often a starting point for conversation and like someone said it helps brighten some ones day. I didn't mind people having a hold. They always looked so happy cooing to my son. Lovely sight! Often they would give me a coin for him 'for good luck'! I've met some charming people because of the babies

xkatyx · 19/03/2012 20:20

I completely under stand!!! My fort child I was so so Over possessive (maybe a touch of pnd) and really didn't Like taking him out, my parents realt wanted to show him off (being first grandchild) to the local family club, so off we went, I felt relaxed and them some woman came over to coo at him in his buggy, she bent down and a big lump of snot fell out her nose on to him!!!!!!!!

The bitch woman laughed and said "oh dear, he will now get his first cold" I was like some mad woman!!! She still dodges ne in the street!!!

I have since had 4 other dc, dc2 I was fine with!!! But dc3 was very prem and after seeing her so poorly I felt a over whelming urge to protect her so I used to say to people before they came round if they were ill etc.

We have recently had twins and with the other 3 children I give up trying to keep germs at bay!!!

But I completely understand u being a bit about this

upahill · 19/03/2012 21:06

Just to add to my post, I would have had a problem if my child had any illnesses or the like that would have made him weak. Or if the person was a bit rank. Other than that I was fine because they were mostly old people who loved seeing new babies.

BananasInBloomers · 19/03/2012 21:20

I used rain covers and fly nets to stop people touching DD4. A strict look but don't touch policy.

Ozziegirly · 20/03/2012 04:39

This must be a UK thing. I can't remember a shopping trip where I haven't had at least one person cooing over my lovely DS, but in 18 months, no stranger has ever touched him. Maybe AUstralians are a more reserved bunch.

hazeyjane · 20/03/2012 05:23

I think my babies must have been particularly offputting, I don't remember anyone ever touching them or asking for a cuddle!

When ds was in SCBU, they said that as well as helping encourage a suck reflex in tube fed babes, it is also a huge source of comfort when they are in an incubator and having cannulas done etc. Poster suggesting you have to be a Jeremy Kyle watcher to give your baby is daft.

Booboostoo · 20/03/2012 06:48

DD was born in Athens and complete strangers were trying to touch her in my arms as I was walking down the street!!!!!

Original poster

Babycameearly · 20/03/2012 08:39

I agree Hazey - RuleBritannia was an arse for making that silly comment!

OP posts:

bronze · 20/03/2012 08:50

Another one with a prem who was encouraged to have a dummy. She chose her thumb and as an ex thumb sucker that makes me grr.
I've never suffered with the touching thing and I don't think it's cos my babies aren't cute. They're gorgeous. Only time I had it was when I went to kosova with a 7 week old. They don't to take babies out early on there so he was a bit of an oddity it was love though even though I had strangers kissing my baby it was nice thinking they did it because they believed it would bring them and my son luck. They also have him money and one a necklace with an evil eye prevent that I still have.
Out of interest why are people you know less likely to be germy than strangers?

bronze · 20/03/2012 08:52

In your mind auto correct back the 'corrections' my phone has lovingly made for me

sheeplikessleep · 20/03/2012 09:01

OP - you need to perfect the 'look but don't touch' scowl. You're obviously looking too approachable!

I had loads of people looking in with both my DSs, but I can't remember any stranger actually touching them. There's something a bit too 'close' about the face as well.

There is something about newborn skin though, I remember I used to just stroke both my DSs when they were tiny. I guess some just don't have any clue about social boundaries!

Booboostoo · 20/03/2012 09:30

bronze: family are not less likely to carry germs than strangers, but there are fewer of them and there is a better reason for taking the risk (they are family not strangers!). Also I asked my family to wash their hands before touching DD when she was just a tiny newborn and her granfather cancelled his visits after he got a cold - common sense in my opinion, but each to his own!

toddlerama · 20/03/2012 09:34

I once had a girl drop her fag and stick her stinking finger straight into DD1s mouth when she was about 8 weeks. I was so shocked I didn't speak, but an old lady barrelled over and gave her hell for not washing her hands and being presumptuous. I ended up feeling sorry for fag-hands.

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