Or are my ILs?

[Muchadoaboutnuthing]

Ok, quick history... Dh and I are together 11 years and have 2 kids. His sisters never liked me from day 1, apparently I got pregnant to "trap him" etc. The first time I met SIL she proceeded to tell me to get used to the idea of being a single parent because dh was going to go back to his ex and leave me etc. Dh has a dd from a previous relationship which had broken down 4 years before I met him. His ex has always remained in contact with SILs. When SIL got married soon after dh and I met I wasn't invited in case his ex who was going might feel uncomfortable. Similar situation at the kids b'day parties, I would be invited as long as his ex wasn't going so she wouldn't be upset.
His ex has never been particulaly nice to me, she blanks me when I try to speak to her etc. We have obviously met from time to time because of sd.
Anyway SIL is having our nephew christened soon and we found out from MIL that ex is invited. I also have been but SILs know that I won't go if ex is there as I dont want a scene, I've told them that before. We had a similar situation to this in February and dh and the kids went and I stayed at home. But I'm sick of doing it. I'm sick of being the one left at home to avoid any tension. I dont want to be in the same room as the ex for the day. She has been so rude to me and my kids in the past. I'm sick of his sisters treating me like dirt and then dumping their kids here most weekend so they can go out or go shopping without having to bring the kids.
Ok, maybe I am BU, I'm just fed up with the whole thing. I know I should just go and get on with the day and ignore the ex if she starts but I'm sick of being the one who's feelings are ignored. I think i just hate the fact that his family have never really accepted me and I dont understand why.

Your dh is the one whose being unreasonable. I wouldn't go to any family events where my husband was made to feel so unwelcome. I married him because I wanted him to be my number one in life, along with the dc, and that means putting him before my family.

The sisters sound horrible.

But I can´t condemn them for wanting their niece & her mum in their lives-or for preferring her to OP.

Isn´t the problem that no one trusts anyone to behave like adults & that OP´s husband is so passive?

Take this occasion as a time to change things. Go along, smile nicely, be pleasant and then leave smugly happily knowing you and your dcs haven't missed out, and that no one has got a rise out of you.

What message are your dcs being sent that they and their dad are invited but you, their mother, isn't. Has he previously taken them to things then that the ex has vetoed you being invited to???

Go to the ones you are invited to. If you aren't invited then none of you go, you are a family unit and need to present a united front in that you all go or none of you do.

but I'm sick of being the one who's feelings are ignored.

Sorry but by not going to family events you are contributing to this. I know it upsets you that SILs have never accepted you and prefer your DHs ex to you - but regardless of how horrible they are (and they sound nasty!) - at the end of the day taht is their chocie and 1 you are unlikely to change. You need to accept this - and the fact you yourself cant do anything about it and then I think you will start to feel a bit differently and maybe stand up for yourself a bit more.

Do not stay away because of fear of a "scene" - what is meant by this anyway?? - if you go and ignore this woman, even if it means you have to grit your teeth and ignore all the "looks" no doubt you would get - so what?! It would make me even more determined to go after all - you are married into this family nad have every right to be their at family events, not hidden away like some kind of dirty secret!

You have been together a very long time.
Make sure you go and show a United front. Ignore everything and paint a big smile on your face.
Then i really think your DH needs to talk properly to his family. They need to show you respect.

Oh and i agree - if you're not invited then he doesn't go either.

I think your DH needs to step up and support you more, your place is by his side, not sat home alone so his EX is made to feel better

You don't even need to make any contact with the ex.

Either you are all invited to the christening and go as a family, or none of you go.

And if it's not convenient for you to babysit, then don't ! Helping out , especially in an emergency, is one thing, but these people are using you.

I agree inertia, if people were treating me like this no way would I be providing free child care on a regular pisstaking basis. Invite the kiddies round at a date and time convenient to you every so often (say once a month), but other than that be 'busy'.

Thanks so much for the replies, I feel so much better about the whole thing. I'm going to go, although I am completely dreading it. Dh has said he'll talk to them but he seems to think I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I just don't want him to talk to them and a huge family row to start which it more than likely will. SILs aren't the knid of people to just listen calmly and take how we feel on board. I can't believe after being together 11 years nothing has changed, they're as nasty as they always were.

Does he really need to talk to them, or can you just make sure that you go to things in future?

And that if someone says something out of line to you you all leave?

So for 11yrs you have been snubbed & expected to not got to things with your husband & children & he can´t see your problem?

Oh dear lord!