to think that no, respect should not have to be earned?

[knowitallstrikesagain]

I keep hearing this phrase and it drives me mad! I hate the attitude that repsect has to be earned. Why is it not that respect is afforded to everyone until they behave in a way that means they do not deserve it?

AIBU to think that respect is an automatic until proved otherwise?

sparks 1 says it all for me how can you respect a total stranger?. You should on the other hand treat people with courtesy and be polite. I respected my parents when I was growing up and this was down to them putting guidelines and boundaries in place . Something that is missIng in todays society??!

People who are needlessly rude or dismissive for no reason always upset me - even if it was only a tiny thing, something in my brain says 'you could have been courteous then and you chose not to' and it bugs me for the rest of the day.

To combat this in myself, I decided I would always say 'thank you' when swiping my Oyster card on the bus. I'm not sure if any bus driver really feels better for someone saying 'thank you', but if it brightens their day just a little, that's good...and just the action of saying 'thank you' seems to cheer me up.

So, yes, I think basic courtesy can be good for the person giving it and the person receiving. That's what makes it a good thing.

Respecting someone when it's not deserved or 'earned' is more loaded...it has for me implications of gangsters and protectionism - somebody else has taken a decision that they require 'respect' and sets the standard for what that 'respect' should be. This isn't reciprocal!

I think respect should automatically be afforded to people until they demonstrate that they are unworthy of it. But I think that perhaps people mix up/confuse this 'respect must be earnt' message with 'with rights come responsibilities' and that I do agree with.

But what is meant by 'respect' anyway? Some people seem to think it means they are entitled to do/say/behave as they please and no-one must dare challenge them as is is 'disrespecting' them.

If respect doesn't have to be earned then that should apply to everyone. So it would also include e.g. benefit claimants, single parents, people with learning disabilities/MH problems etc., who often are openly treated with aggression and disrespect by the very same people (e.g. the rich/middle class, elderly people) who feel entitled to respect themselves. If you genuinely wish for respect to be accorded to all, then YANBU. If you think it should be unconditional but only to some groups, then YABU.

I agree that people use the word respect in many different ways. To me most people mean "treat with curtesy" when they say "treat with respect".
If you only use the word respect to imply holding someone in high esteem then we will all vary hugely in how we define "high esteem".
I want my husband to treat me with curtesy, but asking him to hold me in high esteem sounds a bit too much like putting me on a pedestal for my liking. Plus people you know well are mainly less likely to be held in high esteem because you are more likely to know their faults and foibles.
Gangsters wanting "respect" usually want crawling, fawning and fear.

there is the basic respect one should accord to every human being. that doesn't (or shouldn't) have to be earned.

and there is the respect one feels for particular people over and above that, which is earned.

YANBU Op. Unfortunately the term has been hijacked nowadays by little thugs demanding "respect, innit" and has all but lost all normal meaning. In it's original sense though, and all it stands for, yes you're absolutely right.

my dad always taught me that respect does have to be earned, and you shouldnt respect someone just because they are older for example.

I think it was his way of making sure I didnt come to any harm by being co-erced into something by an adult, that I had to respect because they were my teacher/ a policeman/ vicar/ etc..

Its stuck though- I will treat everyone and every living thing with respect but it doesnt mean I respect them- that certainly has to be earned

People do some atrocious things, they do not deserve respect

benefit claimants, single parents, people with learning disabilities/MH problems etc., who often are openly treated with aggression and disrespect by the very same people (e.g. the rich/middle class, elderly people) who feel entitled to respect themselves.

Blimey that's a bit of a sweeping generalisation.

for those that feel others have to earn their respect, do you feel you have to earn the respect of others

how does this work out, who earns it first and is the latter person showing respect the one who is more important (you)

I agree with Edless.

What I don't believe is giving automatic "extra" respect to someone because of their position, class, age, or perceived status in that old-fashioned, forelock-tugging kind of way, which is definitely what some people expect. You know, the "Do you know who I am?" types. At a basic level I treat everybody the same.

What I hate is when politicians or media folk say "ordinary people". I believe everyone is ordinary, yes there are a small number of people who are extraordinary but being a politician does not by default make you extraordinary.

if respect doesnt have to be earned, then saying you respect a certain person, looses all meaning

freudian yes- I feel I should earn the respect of others, I dont expect it

Respect doesnt work in both directions all teh time; I might respect someone who doesnt respect me/ someone who I dont respect may respect me

I do expect to be treated with courtesy though

peope should beave in a respectful manner as default, but you dont have to respect everyone

i am not saying you should respect everyone there are many people i have no respect for, some i respect very much because i have the same values, something that they may or may not have done and so on

but why would i not respect someone who i knew nothing about surely i would respect them as a person with emotions, feelings, thoughts

re·spect/riˈspekt/Noun: A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Verb: Admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Synonyms: noun. regard - esteem - reverence - deference - consideration
verb. honour - honor - esteem - regard - venerate - revere

you cant feel deep anything, for someone you know nothing about

You can't respect someone you don't know. But if you mean you should give strangers the benefit of the doubt and treat them with politeness then i agree.

re·spect·ful/riˈspektfəl/Adjective: Feeling or showing deference and respect.
Synonyms: deferential - reverent - courteous - polite - regardful

def·er·ence/ˈdefərəns/Noun: Humble submission and respect

Haha! Ive changed my mind- you shouldnt act in a respectful way- Humble submission? Pah!
Polite and courteous will do!

If you genuinely wish for respect to be accorded to all, then YANBU. If you think it should be unconditional but only to some groups, then YABU.

Where did you get the impression that I think any groups of society should not be respected?

By respect, I mean being respectful of others, treating with respect. I think that this is because the only people I hear using this phrase are ones who have been rude/aggressive to someone and then defends it by saying, 'Just because they were old/disabled/female etc, doesn't mean they can just get away with it (insert mildly offensive beaviour, nothing on a par with response). People have to earn my respect.'

This is what annoys me. Sorry for getting the meaning of the term respect lost in translation, but I am referring to times when it is used in this context. What I mean to say is that everyone should be afforded our courtesy, manners and assumption that they are a decent member of society and deserve to be treated as such until proved wrong.

Yes, I agree with those who are taking the OP to mean 'courtesy' rather than 'respect' - courtesy should be extended to everyone and no-one should have to earn the right to be treated courteously.

I do, however, demand that people earn the right to be deeply admired by me for their qualities, abilities or achievements (the proper definition of 'respect')!

YY. What Sherlocked said^