to think DH could have been nicer on mothers' day?

[HannahZ]

So, I got up on mothers' day when (toddler) DS woke up. DD already downstairs watching TV as usual. I was having a lovely snuggle with DS when DH stormed in and asked if I was aware that DD(5) had woken him at 6.15am by pottering about in her room before going downstairs. I wasn't, so just mildly said that I was sure he would have dealt with it.

Anyway, apparently this "noise" (didn't wake me and I was in the room next door) was all my fault because I'd let her come into our room early one day when DH was away on business a couple of weeks ago. Also, the reason DD doesn't always do as she's told straight away is because I "enter into discussions" with her instead of laying down the law. I am actually the strictest mum I know (not naturally but because I know DH is a stickler for behaviour) but do sometimes discuss other options with DD if it seems reasonable to try to accommodate everyone's wishes.

AIBU to think that Mothers' Day was not the time to tell me (in no uncertain terms and with a great deal of anger) of my perceived parenting weaknesses? Spent all morning in tears and then being further harangued for not being able to take criticism and not working as a team with DH.

Zukiecat, I am so sorry that you had such a tough time and I'm glad you are in a better place now. I'm really not in the same scenario though. In most areas of our lives we are in complete agreement, we just have this sticking point with disciplining the children. Obviously it can be quite a big issue at times (particularly when both of us are under stress for various reasons) but it's certainly not the end of the world/our marriage!

Your concern for me is lovely, but I think you may have mixed up bits from another post too. There are no financial issues between us - in fact, we tend to be more generous to each other than we are to ourselves, and generally we look out for each other and the kids. Never mind, at least you have made me concentrate on the positive areas where we do work well as a team, and I am feeling more confident that perhaps we can talk through the problems better

I don't see how you can talk something through with someone who doesn't recognise there can ever be two sides to a story. You say that you get on in all other ways but i wonder if that's because you agree in other areas so it hasn't been an issue so far. Or if perhaps you give in.

By the sounds of it he is very persuasive. I know from experience that its easy to just go along with what someone like this wants. You wouldn't necessarily realise how much they actually completely disregard your opinion until something comes along that you care enough about to make a stand . . . Like your children!

It sounds to me like he is control issues. I would be interested to hear about his childhood.

Why did you post this AIBU Op, because as soon as everybody agreed with you, you jumped in and protected your DH?

I don't think I did jump in and protect him? I have a big issue with DH's attitude towards how we deal with disciplining the DC and his view that problems are caused by me - and the way I feel unable to discuss this matter with him. But I don't think that makes him an evil man whom I should leave! I was merely trying to give some perspective as I felt there was some misunderstanding as to how far this issue reached.

I still think I am right about the way I approach the type of issue I outlined in my OP and I am pretty sure he would still think he is right. Hence asking for unbiased opinions...

He sounds like a nightmare to be honest, he's not your boss by the way! I'd tell anyone talking to me or treating me like that to bog off. What makes his opinions and methods more valid than yours? Why do you feel you can't challenge him on them?

Good luck.

I tend to agree with ladybeagle, you might not see it as "protecting" him but you certainly sound liek youre starting to come out with excuses e.g "hes lovely most of the time" - this type of behaviour is anything but lovely, and "we only ever disagree about the chidlren" - well thats a huge part of a marriage and raising a family.

He sounds like a bully. I wouldn't bother trying to reason with him. You can't reason with the unreasonable. Feel really sorry for your little ones.

What a vile man. So sorry. Mothers day or not, that was a really horrible way to behave.

Sounds very similar to my dh. We also had a big row on mothers day, me in tears. Everything is my fault. He won't take the blame for anything.
He actually told me it was my fault because I hadn't reminded him enough!
It's very difficult with someone who thinks they are always right

He doesn't sound lovely at all, he sounds manipulative and quite frankly a bit of a bellsniff.

I was thinking about this last night op. I feel sad for you because it must really grind down your self esteem and confidence being with someone who is not interested in your opinion, especially on the subject of parenting your own children!

I went out with a guy who was a bit similar, not on the subject of children but just everything. He never listened to my suggestions but would listen to his friends and do what they said even if it was the exact same thing i had suggested. I had to finish with him as it made me feel so crap. Who wants to be with someone who isn't interested in their ideas?

It shows a huge lack of respect in your abilities and intelligence.