to refuse to order Indian for DH and the 2 houseguests

[MooncupandPizza]

In brief:

• DD's birthday party today, I spent yesterday at home with both DCs baking for it while DH was out with the houseguests (original plan was for him to take one of them but DS was asleep when he left and DD wanted to help with cakes etc
• party today - he left straight after with the houseguests to go and play squash leaving me to take the tired DCs home on public transport (which was fine, but , yanno, tiring)
• I get them home do some present opening, get them fed, bathed and to bed. During DD's bedtime story, I get a call from him asking if I want him to bring back food for me - I say no thanks. He rings back a moment later to say they'd like to order Indian and starts telling me what they'd like for ME to order it. I decline. My plans for after bedtime were to clean up the kitchen (looked like a bombsite as neither houseguests or DH seem to think there is any need to pitch in with the washing up etc. this weekend) and to do 30 day Shred and I don't feel like ordering Indian for other people (who could just go to a bloody restaurant seeing as they are out already rather than come up and mess the kitchen again!).

Am I being grouchy and mean-spirited or fair enough?!

wtf cant he order it himself? he has a phone!! and as for the kitchen. i would be retiring to bed with wine leaving a note that left no doubt about who was expected to do the kitchen (ie THEM!)

Good grief. If you have house guests, why aren't they spending time with all of you? Don't you plan things all together?

And anyway, they could phone the Indian in the time it took to phone you.

YANBU.

WTF wasn't he around for the DCs after DD's birthday party?

Let alone why he's wanting you to order stuff for him - he phoned you, so he has a phone to do this, yes?

and it's mothers' day, why wasn't he already doing the kitchen in the first place?

are these house guest just two/three of his mates?

Ok - it's not mother's day here so that's not an issue.
he doesn't have the food menu which is why he didn't just call himself.

The houseguests happened to clash with DD's birthday party but they came along to that. I could have gone along yesterday with them but preferred to stay at home and do baking etc. for the party.

They are an ex-squash student of DH's and her friend who are students and, i felt, staying with us more as a free place to stay (which is fine!) and the ex-student likes to see us and the kids too. (never met the friend before today)

They had planned to play squash on Friday but DH didnt' get his arse out of work on time was stuck late at work so didn't get to do it then so this was the only other time they could get courts which is why he went with them to play squash straight after the party. he was apologetic and I was fine with that, tbh.

Glad that people don't think IABU about refusing to order their food, though!

P.S. IABU not to want Indian food though - not sure what's up with me but I think that a sinus infection type thing I have is putting me off my food!

He spends the whole weekend you are preparing/giving your DDs party with friends
He doesnt help with the clear up
He takes the car and leaves you to use PT with two very tired kids (and presumably presents, cards, leftover cake etc)
He leaves the house looking like a bombsite and doesnt make sure that his friends clear up after themselves

Then he rings you up like you are his PA to arrange his dinner and THATS the bit you are pissed off about? Really? Do you have "WELCOME" written on your forehead or something?!

And the fact that you are even questioning whether YABU speaks volumes.

In answer to your op, YANBU to tell him to order his own dinner, but YABU to have allowed things to get to the point where he thinks that expecting you to do it is perfectly acceptable.

I think YANBU, they are already out they could easily pick up food on the way home if they want it. I am with you on the not wanting Indian btw, it's odd I usually love takeaways, but every one I have had recently I have just been blah about.

I'm not even bothered about Chinese and that's my favourite, it's just minging stodge. Maybe it's the economic climate and the takeaways are using crappy ingredients.

Bogeyface - he did not take the car, we do not have a car. He went one way on public transport, we went the other way. He took the leftovers and cake with him and some neighbours kindly took the present home so I just had the kids which was fine. If the girls hadn't been in town, I would have insisted he come home rather than go to squash but they'd all been looking forward to playing together "like old times" so while the timing wasn't great, I was happy enough to bring the DCs home and get them sorted. The idea of me ringing to order the food was so it would be here when they got back but yes, it was as if I was the PA or some kind of servant for the 3 of them which is why I declined.

Him not helping with the cleaning up of the kitchen, I am pissed off about and will be mentioning.
With the girls not cleaning up after themselves, I am not annoyed with him, I am surprised at them. In their place, seeing me running around with work,kids,cooking, I would definitely, at the very least, offer to help with the washing up. I have never had to ask guests to help clear up before, more the opposite, so it barely even occurred to me to ask! (duh)

(they have been neat and tidy in their sleeping area in our living room, just didn't help with washing up)

The correct response to any of his requests after the bit where he wandered off to play squash and left you to take the kids home on public transport would be "And how does go fuck yourself sound?"

What a self absorbed wanker!

PoppaRob taking the kids home on public transport was perfectly fine and agreed to after discussion. We take public transport a lot, the kids are used to and so am I. It was earlier than our usual journey on weekdays so yes, they were tired etc. but totally manageable and not an issue for us. He didn't just head off without checking it was ok and he made sure I didn't have too much to take home. He is not generally a self-absorbed wanker and certainly wasn't in his decision to head off and play squash.

It was his 'phoning me and expecting me to order his dinner that was a step too far.

He has since come home, ordered food for himself and the others and is clearing up (or at least it sounds like he is from the noises in the kitchen) after their eating of it. And he brought me chocolate.