I don't care if I am I just need to vent!

[viagrafalls]

FIL (Me and DP aren't married bit for easiness we'll call him FIL) persistently argues with me about having my photo taken.
It sounds petty but as a child/teenager/adult i have always had 'issues' and eating disorders and generally hate the way i look so avoid photographs like the plague. its not for attention, I genuinely dislike the way I look and yes, i do regret not being able to just pose for a picture. DD is 6 months and i only have about 5 pictures of us together. FIL (80) is a former film and TV director and refuses to believe that I don't like posing for photos and argues with me every time i see him about it. Eg, "For someone who doesn't like having their picture taken you take a lot of pictures"
"You must like it"
"Why are you being so aggressive about not having your picture taken/"
"I'm just trying to capture this intimate moment between you both" the moment you point that fucking camera in my fucking face it ceases to be an intimate moment for me
I know he doesn't know about my past but what pisses me off is the way he believes it is his RIGHT to take my photo and the fact he cannot believe that I don't like it and will argue about it when its my choice!
I have spent an average of ten minutes each time he comes over trying to defend myself about it and it really pisses me off.

YYY to the attitude purple

I think you need to tell your DP that he has to decide who he's going to upset, it's not about you being the 'bigger man' but that he thinks it's better that you're upset than his father is.

Discuss this before your FIL is next due over, ask your DP does he really want you to be upset and if not, will he tackle his father about the photo issue? It shouldn't be you arguing for 10 minutes, it should be your DP telling his father it's not acceptable for him to upset his son's partner. He should respect you have a right to feel comfortable in your own home, so he can meet his father elsewhere without you or he can deal with it.

YANBU. His attitude would annoy me to but it sounds like he's completely oblivious to the distress he's causing and the reasons behind it. How would you feel about explaining your past and exactly why photos distress you? I would guess this isn't something you want to do as you've not done it yet. But maybe if he understood why you find it so hard, and I understand why, he'll back off? Do you think he's that kind of guy? As a film director I would guess he's spent a lot of his life surrounded by people BEGGING to be on camera so your feelings are probably very odd in his mind, but that's no excuse! Bit sad DH won't have a quiet kindly word with him too.

Agree lydia, and u r totally right, he should leave u alone, very annoying.

Hi again viagra. Yes it is totally your right not to have your FIL hassling you over this. Or to tell him more than you want to about your reasons. His attitude is the very opposite of being helpful. Do hope you find a way to make him desist.

Really glad to hear your DP is lovely in every other way and that you already have some lovely photos of you with your daughter obtained without the old bugger's help

Didn't mean to make you sad in any way. I do understand because I have a phobia about singing in public, having been humiliated at length in front of my class at school aged seven (long story and I know this sounds and is trivial in comparison) which none of my friends gets; they're desperate to drag me to a karaoke bar and the thought just makes me shrivel up. Logically I know it doesn't matter to them if I sing on one note, but to me the prospect brings back horrible memories. For you it's obviously a much more sensitive issue and everyone here agrees YANBU

What a prick. He has no right to invade your space like that. I'd be pissed off too.

Well, I'm quite tempted to ask DP to say something, anything, I just don't want anyone knowing my darkest insecurities. I am also relieved to have survived AIBU without any singe marks or burns!
Thank-you all for your help - watch this space!