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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if everyone's house is like mine?

99 replies

Mishy1234 · 18/03/2012 16:20

AIBU to wonder of everyone's house ends up getting wrecked when they have kids or if it's just mine?

I used to keep a lovely house. I was really house proud and loved having people round.

Since having children my house has been wrecked. Stains on carpets, marks from sticky hands on wallpaper, their stuff EVERYWHERE! It's just a nightmare. Am I being too precious or just doing it all wrong?

It's a relatively small house, so in one way good as not too much room to clean, but bad as no separate room for the kids (apart from bedrooms).

Am I just crap? I do have a cleaner once a fortnight, She's amazing and never complains about the mess (just hoovers around it!). I often imagine she tells all her friends about her crazy client with the nightmare house!

OP posts:

Original poster

Mishy1234 · 19/03/2012 11:44

Thanks for all the replies. Lots of good advice, a lot of which will be implemented! I'll definitely be looking at those pad things for the marks on the wallpaper.

Too much stuff is really the problem. A lot of stuff DS1 has grown out of has been kept for DS2. Stuff is starting to be outgrown now and will be going and in reality DS2 is mostly interested in what DS1 is playing with.

The food thing is tricky. We have a galley kitchen, so no room for a table in there. The rest of the house is carpeted (apart from the bathroom). Main meals for the children are all in the kitchen with DS2 in the highchair and DS1 has a small chair and table where he sits, as DS2 is still very messy. DH and I eat later in the evening in the dining room as we can keep our food of the carpet (mostly!).

Tbh, this house was never supposed to be a family home but we kind of got trapped in it. We originally bought it as a renovation project and were going to extend up and out (it's a bungalow). After spending many years ttc we had kind of resigned ourselves to not having a family, but the one last shot at a FET was unexpectedly successful. DS2 following soon after under his own steam so to speak! The money simply isn't there atm for major renovations to make the house work for us. Thinking of moving, but that's work in progress too.

I think the key is storage and volume control. I do have a problem letting go go things, especially baby things (although we aren't having any more).

OP posts:

pumpkinsweetie · 19/03/2012 12:50

I pretty much have same problem, kids come along with so much stuff i have storage problems at the mo with laundry and toys- i have 4 , was pretty houseproud until i had my fourth little one but i just cant keep up with the mess to be honest! My living room, kitchen & bathroom are pretty much the only tidyish places in my house , all other rooms are over run by toys-i will be sorting this out in the easter break and il feel so much better for it... having trouble even finding matching socks in this household lol. Bottom line is everyone with kids is the same dont worry

theodorakis · 19/03/2012 13:49

We have a live in maid (in middle east) but our house is always chaos but at least it is clean. As well as the family we have cats and dogs and have just fostered a baby monkey while he is waiting to be sent to a sanctuary. I love that the house is at least clean deep down but the detritus of our life is not to be folded away in cupboards. I like our stuff being around.

ipswichwitch · 19/03/2012 14:53

the stains on our carpet arent caused by DS (although he's only 5 month old, so give him time!) but by MIL who has kicked over umpteen cups of tea, that she insists she didnt put there

cestlavielife · 19/03/2012 15:03

buy an offcut of lino or amtico or similar from a carpet shop (you can gets loads of styles/colours eg wood effect) and lay on top of the carpet under the dining room table so you can eat with kids

jifnotcif · 19/03/2012 15:04

If you have a dining room, you really ought to knock through into the kitchen if at all possible. That way you can choose the flooring and all the cupboards and storage (as it's the kitchen then, no longer a separate room). A big rug for the kids to play on, that way the rest of the house is safe. Don't go down the route of keeping everything in their rooms - that's so unfair and unrealistic, unless of course you don't want to spend much time with your kids.

We got an extension done but didn't really need it - it would have been just as effective to knock through - you gain so much space that way.

You will eventually get used to taking bags of tat down to the charity shop, it becomes part of the routine eventually.

shockers · 19/03/2012 15:16

It's never ending... we have 2 dogs as well as 2 children still at home. The bedrooms and sitting room are carpeted and no food or drinks are taken into those rooms (until the evening when I sneak wine in ). I hoover and mop through the other rooms every day, and wash the dogs' bedding twice a week. I still feel like it's a mess though. Muddy football boots, wellies and trainers as you come in through the porch. I'd give my eye teeth for a utility/boot/dog room! Wouldn't be without the mutts and children though... the mess is worth it .

Original poster

Mishy1234 · 19/03/2012 16:15

jifnotcif that would be a good solution. What we really need is a dining kitchen. It's a kind of chicken and egg situation though, as the dining room/kitchen aren't right next to each other and I don't want to move our bedroom to the front of the house. Originally, we were going to knock through, create a dining kitchen, extend upwards and outwards to make 2 further bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs.

We're now in a quandary to move or convert. It's tricky. The area is ok, but I would prefer to be a bit more central. Also schools to consider too. It's a minefield!

OP posts:

jifnotcif · 19/03/2012 22:14

Fair enough if you're not sure whether you're staying, we procrastinated for years and have ended up staying and making do, not the best solution really. It may be time to make your decision (base it on school - secondary more important than primary). In the meantime you can still buy big flatpack cupboards to store everything in.

Another hint - never get rid of your boxes - I used to bin the packaging ruthlessly. Now we have a house full of toy bits that will never find their matching set again. Boxes can stack - bits can't.

CremeEggThief · 19/03/2012 22:27

Mine is very tidy, but there are some stains on the carpet (DH and DS don't always remember to not wear shoes inside since I had it professionally cleaned 6 months ago) and sticky marks and splashes on some of the walls that don't come off with wet wipes and I can't be bothered to paint, as I would probably end up doing the whole house then, knowing me.

FizzyLaces · 19/03/2012 22:33

Mine sounds like yours op. I work my arse off in my job and spend all my other time with the kids. Life is far too short for housework. Be cool :)

theodorakis · 20/03/2012 09:07

Fizzy, you sound lovely and I bet your home is too.

FizzyLaces · 20/03/2012 19:49

Aw thanks Theo, it is lovely in a shambolic, grubby way You sound lovely too

Theas18 · 20/03/2012 20:12

Strangely I am not house proud, and whilst the house is untidy ( and always will be I guess) it hasn't ever been terribly affected by scribble/ spills/stickiness.

Toys and clutter are minimally contained. I tidy for visitors but mostly live and enjoy the kids.

We are clean enough where it matters- I do love a sparkling bathroom and kitchen, but the dust bunnies under the bed live mostly un troubled lives.

I guess the day my house is sparking clean and tidy with matching curtain and non faded carpets will be when I have too much money and nothing o do. Or alternatively when the kids are selling the house to pay the nursing home fees!!

Theas18 · 20/03/2012 20:14

Theo I'm so glad someone else feels like I do !

NowThenWreck · 20/03/2012 20:25

It's not very tidy, but my house is clean. I don't allow food anywhere but the table, and keep the living room pretty much toy free by having a big storage unit, and NO TOYS EVAH in my bedroom!
My friends house is a bit like you describe, and she doesn't seem to see the mashed banana on the sofa, and the cups/crumbs/debris all over everything but it would drive me nuts.
My son has a time each week when he has to tidy his room, and he has to put his clothes away in the drawers, bring his plate into the kitchen and help with washing up some times (even though I have to supervise and do it again when he is not looking).

kitandnoodle · 20/03/2012 20:34

One of my friends has a beautiful house - everything cream and pastel colours, a place for everything and everything in it's place, always clean and tidy. My DP hates going there - he says he's scared to move in case he spills anything or knocks anything over.

wimini · 20/03/2012 20:44

my house is a mess. And there's a fair amount of grubbiness too. The carpets in a couple of the downstairs rooms are shocking, despite having been cleaned. I work, have three kids and spend several hours every night doing household chores. I am exhausted. I have little help from DH, which I find quite demotivaing. We have scribbles on the walls in a few places. DS2 has been picking the paint off in a corner of his room.

I clean up for visitors. I tidy for royalty.

fluffypillow · 20/03/2012 20:49

I'm the same as you op. I'm fighting a losing battle most of the time. Some days it stresses me out, but most of the time I just try to remind myself it won't last forever. I just want to enjoy my dc's while they are young (well, one is 14 already, and one is 9, but I have a 14month old dd, and I'd much rather play with her than sort the housework!).

So jealous that you have a cleaner though ;)

aquashiv · 20/03/2012 20:53

COnstantly give things away I am forever filling charity bags and freecycling honestly clutter is the devils spawn.
Get them to tidy up after themselves give t hem a sense of responsibility and in itself its an activity.
Mine all tidy now automatically (ok two will one will always fart about)...

girliefriend · 20/03/2012 20:55

It is tricky and I remember my poor mother pulling her hair out with 3 dc under 5yo at one point!!!

I wouldn't be too precious but it sounds like you need to have a proper sort out and go on a mission to send 50% of 'the stuff' to the charity shop!!!

Make sure the kids are respectful of the house being nice and help out with the clearing up as well.

rhondajean · 20/03/2012 22:00

I did know someone who was houseproud and had children once.

I remember visiting (old neighbour) with my oldes dd when she and the neighbours youngest were both about 3. She gave them an ice lolly and I jest you not, sent them OUT OF THE HOUSE to eat it standing on the path.

I was

She also nearly hyperventilated when dd tipped a tub of toys over to see what was in them (she did this at home but always put them back in!)

I knew of another women who fed her children weetabix on the patio regardless of the weather to avoid the mess.

My house is not up to those standards but yknow what, people live here, and are happy here, and none of us have had the lurgy yet

zookeeper · 20/03/2012 22:07

I am constantly cleaning/decluttering and have to work hard just to keep my house looking messy (as opposed to squalid) . Tomorrow is my day off and I will spend it as always washing and cleaning and still it never looks tidy

jifnotcif · 23/03/2012 19:27

There's something to be said for teaching them table manners early on. Eating with knife and fork prevents all kinds of trouble. So many kids only eat with their fingers.

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