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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mothers' day blues...

30 replies

jackandthebeansprout · 18/03/2012 13:52

So, this is my 2nd mothers day, DS is just under 2YO and DP forgot, so it wasn't celebrated :o( I am actually really quite upset. We do live overseas, and here it is not Mothers' day and so i actually hadn't realised until yesterday, when i noticed it on fb and mentioned it to him. This morning he got up and went to the gym as usual practice and I looked after DS. He came back and i casually mentioned it, and he scoffed at me that I had forgotten too. I see his point, but i quickly emailed my mum to make up for forgetting and then ordered her flowers to be delivered. Feel guilty i forgot, but have tried to make it up. We were going out for a picnic anyway, and i said nice and breezily, oooh should we buy me some flowers as it is MD, and he was a bit peeved and said i should leave it up to him to decide when he buys me flowers. I just thought that we could BOTH treat me to flowers, as not trying to place all the blame on him. Anyway, i just told him that it does matter to me to be made to feel a bit special on MD, and that if he doesn't next year, I will celebrate it myself.

But i feel really peeeved. I made such a lovely effort for fathers day, made him a really special gift and now i feel like why should i bother when next fathers day arrives, but i don't want to be petty and 'forget' just because he didn't remember. Especially as i want us to be a family where we do make an effort for fathers's day and mothers' day.

I am not cross that he forgot, because there were no reminders here, but i just wished he had then made an effort to make me feel special for the day :( He is very stubborn and i know he won't have liked me pulling him up on it, and that would deter him even more from doing anything. But I wasn't about to pretend that i didn't care. Now just mildly pissed off.

Rant over. Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
jackandthebeansprout · 18/03/2012 13:54

that grinning face should NOT be in my message!

OP posts:
avoidinglibelaction · 18/03/2012 13:56

NYANBU as I pointed out to DH while we spent this morning arguing and talking about divorce the DC are his too and Mothers' Day is supposed to be a celebration or thanks for being a mother - they are his DC so he can bloody well say thank you to me for looking after them all the time while he does very little

avoidinglibelaction · 18/03/2012 13:58

DS has just pointed out that today we have swapped he's helped the DC make lunch while I've been on the computer LIKE HE IS ALL THE TIME - and I'm now in trouble from DH for being on the computer today Sad

avoidinglibelaction · 18/03/2012 13:59

Sorry I'm hijackingyour thread please ignore my posts

YANBU DHs just don't 'get' Mothers' Day Sad

elliejjtiny · 18/03/2012 13:59

YANBU to feel upset but YABU to deliberately forget fathers day. Make sure your DS starts preschool before next mothers day and you will get a card then. My DH is in bed with a cold today Hmm. I have the same cold but I'm looking after the children, housework etc. DS1 gave me a card he made at school today though and I'm really pleased with that. Soon your DS will be doing mothers day stuff himself and that will mean a lot more than flowers and a card from your DP.

PurpleRomanesco · 18/03/2012 13:59

What on earth do you mean you are "in trouble"?

avoidinglibelaction · 18/03/2012 14:02

Purple just I'm going to get it back later on when he points out that I spent all today on the computer so it's perfectly alright for him to do it the rest of the time - hasn't said it yet but when DS pointed it out he made a humming noise in a non approving way - any way lunch is ready now.

DinahMoHum · 18/03/2012 14:03

if its not mothers day where you are, then maybe he'll get you a card on the different mothers day

cazza40 · 18/03/2012 14:09

Yanbu in fact your husband is acting like an idiot ... Mine too today and having a rotten mothers day as I did last year too.
Agree with you avoiding that dhs don't get mothers day. It's just one fucking day we expect a bit of tlc after all

LadyPenelope · 18/03/2012 14:11

I sympathise ... Been in your position before and like you live overseas where it's celebrated in May. YANBU.

Not today, but another day when he is more receptive to hearing it you should tell him that it is important to you and also to his son. So, while you missed it today, you think it's important and fair that you celebrate it in future. Tell him how you felt. Then agree whether you will celebrate the UK or overseas mothers day (or both!).

We usually do the local one because we've been here for so long. That's when schools do the cards etc. but we mark the UK one for our Mums back home.

And today, in contrast to last year when I got nothing for either one, my DH and DC came up with the goods - flowers, card etc. Not sure what that means for May?!

GiserableMitt · 18/03/2012 14:12

Mother's Day hasn't even been mentioned in this house despite having 2 kids in school. I haven't had any acknowledgement for Mother's Day for maybe 6 or 7 years.

I'll be fucked if any Father's Day cards will be handed over this year Angry

GiserableMitt · 18/03/2012 14:12

Actually I won't be fucked. Getting his legover will definitely be off the menu.

jackandthebeansprout · 18/03/2012 18:43

Thanks guys, you've somehow cheered me up a bit! Confused

I did the mature thing, and sulked, and also had a little cry (I am genuinely upset about this!) Then told him that he had upset me, why didn't I deserve a special day? He gave the bollocks commercial bullshit line, and i told him that i needed no gifts, just a cup of tea in bed, a hot bath run for me in the evening, cuddles and him being genuinely lovely...and he of course got all defensive, saying that he WAS going to to do something special, but it was going to late (so NOT on mothers day then? Hmm ), blah blah, but obviously i was meant to spend the whole of mothers' day not knowing this and with not even a verbal 'happy mothers day' to feel a wee bit appreciated.

Still cross. But think he gets the point. And if no acknowledgement next year, I will take myself and DS out for a special day together, with no DP invited. I will do bloody father's day, but just to show him what is meant to be done in a family, there will be bitter undercurrent! Wink

Feeling like such a doormat. How come all my friends' husbands do such lovely things for them. Text from friend today: " hope you had a lovely MD and that you were spoilt rotten" Hmm

OP posts:
HSMM · 18/03/2012 18:53

DD pretty much ignored me today! I know she's a pre teen but DH could have given her a prod in the direction of the kettle!

YANBU. Show them how it's done on fathers day

mumknowsbezzie · 18/03/2012 18:56

YANBU DHs just don't 'get' Mothers' Day

sorry i beg to differ. mine has always, and still does, make a huge fuss on mothers day - even though our children are adults themselves now

maybe some OHs dont bother, but dont think because yours cba, all men are the same

squeakytoy · 18/03/2012 18:58

YABU if it isnt even Mothers Day where you live!!!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/03/2012 18:59

I have had a shit day. Sick to death of making everyone else's "special" days special whilst there is zero effort and imagination sent on mine.

jackandthebeansprout · 18/03/2012 19:01

No, most of my friends have had gorgeous days, with their DP/H's making a real effort - booked into health spas, restaurants for lunch...and all i want is a bloody cup of tea.... Hmm It honestly makes me really bitter Angry

OP posts:
jackandthebeansprout · 18/03/2012 19:04

squeaky believe me, it will be the same on mothers day here too! just as it is the same on valentines day, anniversary etc etc....

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 18/03/2012 19:05

it is ONE day of the year for gods sakes... your friends husbands may treat their wives like shite for the rest of the years, so I doubt one day at a health spa makes up for it...

If he is a good partner and a decent father all year round, why behave like such a spoilt princess for the sake of one day?

jackandthebeansprout · 18/03/2012 19:05

hobnob book yourself into a spa next year? do it, seriously. x

OP posts:
jackandthebeansprout · 18/03/2012 19:06

squeaky come on, a cup of tea in bed is not a spoilt princess!

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trixie123 · 18/03/2012 19:07

jack yep me too - had a nice time with my parents and sis who came round but DP did the bare minimum on behalf of DCs and watched the F1 all afternoon which he could have watched later. I am feeling pretty neglected too Sad.

DrCoconut · 18/03/2012 19:12

Same here. For DH's first father's day with DS2 (his first biological DC) I organised a message in the paper and a gift and card. For my first mother's day with him I get.....sweet FA. DH forgot. And didn't even try to rectify it when he remembered. And then I see other people's facebook smuggery comments about what a fab day etc. Does doing 2 loads of laundry, shovelling shit out the cat's tray and cleaning the floors count? Bitter, me? Happy mother's day everyone! I too am tempted to "forget" father's day this year. However, to get things in perspective the mothers of those children from Belgium are having a far crapper day than me. And DS1 (age 13)has given me a card he made himself.

emodi · 18/03/2012 19:14

i too had a crap mothers day is its any consolation . i got 2 cards costing a total of £1 dumped on the table . I have to work so an 8-8 shift so i havent even seen my kids today and i feel generally sorry for myself. The PTA in ds school was selling some stuff for mothers day but dh said oh too expensive will buy u something else. what do i get? nothing . that will be the last time i will listen next year i am getting something from the PTA at least that will mean i get a present. YANBU it is very upsetting