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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think people will drink 1 out of 3?

39 replies

BellaOfTheBalls · 18/03/2012 00:36

DP & I get married in May. Although the guest list is around 70 adults, the venue is fairly low key & is very much a DIY job; we have hired tableware, a caterer & small number of waiting staff for the meal etc. When it comes to alcohol a cash bar is unsuited to the venue so my parents (who are funding it) had thought they would buy beer by the barrel & several cases of good wine (white & red), alongside soft drinks, tea & coffee and allow people to help themselves. We have been to a wedding where they did this & it worked well.

However DP is concerned that this is restrictive for those who don't drink these things. While I don't disagree with him, I don't really see an alternative; I'm not going to start buying alcopops/spirits to keep the minority happy or we'll be here till kingdom come trying to please everyone. I'm also genuinely unsure how BYOB would work in this situation.

AIBU to assume that in a situation where they aren't paying for it, people will drink 1 out of the 3?

OP posts:
thenightsky · 18/03/2012 00:41

Hmm. We did a similar thing. Red, white and champagne. No beer.

I got very drink on the champagne so didn't really care Grin

(we only had 35 people though, and non-fussy ones at that)

AwkwardMary · 18/03/2012 00:42

This is for the meal? Or the reception? Or is the whole thing in one venue and you'll marry there and continue on there?

I think YANBU ether way...wine or beer will do most drinkers....and if they're fussy about it then they can bugger off! It's fine...some might want to mix beer with lemoade to make shandy...others may want soda to make a spritzer...but that's ok....you can make sure lemonade and soda are part of the soft drinks menu.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 18/03/2012 00:44

Personally speaking- I don't drink alcohol and I'm not keen on fizzy drinks.

So if you had some water (even jugs of tap water with ice) and some orange juice (UHT cartons are fine if they are really chilled) then your wine/beer/tea/coffee sounds fine.

(I'm a fussy bugger but I wouldn't expect people to make a huge fuss )

Earthymama · 18/03/2012 00:44

DP and I are having our CP in June and we have five bob, or maybe a ten bob note to spend!!
We have said on our invites 'please bring your own drinks as there's not a bar'.
We decided that our choice was do it that way or restrict the celebration to immediate family.

If people think we are tight that's their perogative, we have fed most of them well over the years so I'm sure they'll be OK.

I'm being blase because I would love to have enough money to treat them all but we just haven't got the dosh.

Original poster
BellaOfTheBalls · 18/03/2012 00:46

Sorry just to be clear; church ceremony, venue is a marquee in the grounds of an enormous holiday home with about an acre of gardens around it. There will be fizz on arrival, then the wine/beer/soft drinks for the remainder of the day/evening/millennia it takes to get rid of DPs family

OP posts:
BackforGood · 18/03/2012 00:47

People will drink either beer, wine or soft drinks. Of course they will. YABtotallyR in the circumstances.
We do the same for fundraisers - only ever had one person whinge out of about 100 at each 'do' (and they weren't hosted guests - they were making a "donation" for each drink).

Tolalola · 18/03/2012 00:50

Could you add a note in with the invitations to just say wine, beer, juice etc will be provided, but if none of these appeal, please feel free to bring your own.

LibrarianByDay · 18/03/2012 00:51

I was about to say the same as Tolalola. :)

GeekPie · 18/03/2012 00:51

I can't imagine anyone complaining about free booze

Threeprinces · 18/03/2012 00:55

Tolalola has it spot on.

I went to a wedding in France where the only drinks were champagne and orange juice. Quite a lot of people don't like those and I was pregnant and there is a limit to how much pure orange juice you can drink!

Earthymama · 18/03/2012 00:55

Oh of course we will provide some drinks, bubbly, juice, Fruitshoots for the kids, a couple bottles of Gin to keep the brides happy, Coke so all the kids are hyper. Smile

As I said to DPat least our lovely, lovely friend Rachel won't have the same problem as at the last wedding we attended. She was carrying a lovely present bag, all done up with bows when the Master of Ceremonies approached, all smiles,

'Good afternoon. Madam, May I relieve you of that gift for the lovely couple?'

Cue a wrestling match over said prezzie bag which in fact contained Rachel's bottle of Barcadi to lubricate the festivities!!

She told him it was very special and was a private joke that she made sure she delivered face-to-face!
Good on her, it was ver, ver posh and ver, ver expensive!!

Threeprinces · 18/03/2012 00:56

That sounds really ungrateful but I'd have happily taken something else if I'd known the score is what I'm trying to say!

marriedinwhite · 18/03/2012 00:56

YANBU. We had good quality sparkling wine at our wedding. At the last minute because it ended up being the hottest day of the year, we also put on Pimms and a couple of barrels of beer. I think we had the sparkly stuff on arrival - which lasted for about an hour and a half - wine with the meal and sparkly stuff again for the toasts. There must have been plenty of oj, lemonade and water too. There seemed to be plenty to go round - I remember a case going back on sale or return but I had a bargain cake, flowers from the garden and we used the family cars for the reception, etc., so corners didn't have to be cut on the catering.

Sounds a similar set up to yours with a tent, etc.

tabulahrasa · 18/03/2012 00:57

I don't drink beer or wine, I'd grudgingly take a soft drink if that's all there was - I'd be happy enough with bringing my own drink though.

Original poster
BellaOfTheBalls · 18/03/2012 00:59

Hmm. Invitations have already gone out. Email? Facebook?

Having just been to a wedding where I had to pay £4.10 for a gin & tonic (single 25ml measure, standard Gordon's gin) I thought people would bite our hands off!

OP posts:
Tolalola · 18/03/2012 01:05

Yes just drop an email if the invitations have gone. Honestly, the vast majority of people will be more than happy with what you are providing, and anyone who'd rather have something else truly won't mind bringing it. Threeprinces is right, people would rather know in advance, that's all.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 18/03/2012 01:08

People probably will bite your hands off, but I think you do need to tell people that if they want to drink spirits then they have to provide their own. I couldnt drink wine all night and at a wedding like yours I'd like to be given the opportunity to bring a small bottle of spirit which I'd mix with one of your soft drinks probably. I would try to use word of mouth if you can, let your Mums tell all the family, and you can send an email round to friends.

startail · 18/03/2012 01:13

My one complaint about the last wedding I went to was that there was wine, champagne tea and coffee, but soft drinks for DCs and anyone driving were only available from the hotel bar at £2 a time.

Given my DD2 rate of consumption of coke, I'm afraid a couple of bottles are going in our room this summer.

AwkwardMary · 18/03/2012 09:26

I'm not sure what people expect really....I would never assume the wedding was going to be an open bar unless the couple were loaded and most people simply aren't!

Ive only been to one wedding where we were pressed with alcohol of our choice and the couple were millionaires! Other weddings have been a combination of bring your own (wedding on the beach) a glass of champagne or two and then a paying bar (in a hotel) and that''s it!

People will be pleased to be given drinks and if they want something else yes...let them know via email.

LaDiDaDi · 18/03/2012 09:34

Interested by this thread as we are having a wedding for 70 in August.

Can I be nosy and ask what quantities you are buying? We need to provide enough for the reception drinks and day time meal and can't decide hw much prosecco, red and white wine, cider and beer to offer.

FlangelinaBallerina · 18/03/2012 09:41

They probably will Bella but there are bound to be one or two who don't like beer or wine. So I think Tolalola's idea was a good one. You're providing drinks, and if people want to have something different or supplement that themselves, you're giving them the opportunity to. If I were a guest, I'd really appreciate both the offer of the free drink and the chance to bring something else if I wanted. telling people over FB would be totally fine.

sunnydelight · 18/03/2012 09:49

That sounds very generous to me tbh, nobody I know would expect free spirits all night. Bottom line, people are coming to share your special day, if their tipple of choice isn't available they can either have what's on offer, or a soft drink, or give it a miss for a day - hardly a big deal.

We had a very small wedding and provided only wine and champagne - I've been to a lot similar. I am very grateful to anyone who feeds and/or waters me and have better manners than to ever complain about the choice.

jojane · 18/03/2012 09:56

We had similar for our wedding - hired some holiday cottages which had a large meadow attached. Just had an informal BBQ and provided wine, beer, soft drinks and made a punch. It was a small wedding , about 50 people mostly family so it ended up that everyone brought booze too and we actually too home more than we had provided!!!!!
A punch would be a good idea as can pad it out with juice and lemonade.

annalovesmrbates · 18/03/2012 09:57

I think that sounds lovely. We had an open bar for wine and beer as well as soft drinks with a paybar for spirits. Not many spirits were sold, lots of wine and beer was consumed!

annalovesmrbates · 18/03/2012 09:57

I think that sounds lovely. We had an open bar for wine and beer as well as soft drinks with a paybar for spirits. Not many spirits were sold, lots of wine and beer was consumed!