To think school should have called me about this?

[CrystalMaize]

At school, DS stormed out after a teacher was telling him off. He flung a door open and broke a glass pane in it. He was put in SRU for 2 days. I am supposed to be informed of this. Also received a bill for the damage this morning. I think they should have rung me. I tried to call on Friday when DS told me about the incident but the teacher was unavailable. Any thoughts please?

noblegiraffe are you a teacher?

Yes, I think that they should have called/contacted you. Hope you reach a satuifactory conclusion with them on Monday.

*satisfactory, of course!

I wouldn't as a class teacher, nor as a HoD, be doing the phoning home about this, because I wouldn't have set the sanction. It would be a year head or SLT. If this happened on Friday, then contacting you on Monday wouldn't be completely unreasonable I think.

I agree that "kicking arse" is unlikely to be the most productive attitude to take with the school over this.

Loopy - I called AFTER school classes. They did not try to call me, there were no missed calls. Also, I only want to kick ass about the lack of communication, not the behaviour itself. DS was in two days running following the incident, plenty of time I would have thought to get in touch.

To clarify, incident took place on Wednesday. SRU was Thurs and Fri. And kicking ass is not literal, I shall address the incident first, then the lack of communication.

Same here, not the responsibility of HoF or class teacher to make that call, in fact probably best practice for faculty staff to not speak to parents until SLT have.

Surely someone could have made a call though? Or sent a letter? The bill got here...

You absolutely should have been contacted. Nobody is saying otherwise.

I would phone and ask for an appointment with his Head of Year or equivalent. In my school, you would have to have a readmission meeting after internal isolation.

Yes I think that's the procedure at his school. I get on well with his HOY so will ask for this.

Yes, HOY good port of call.

But

You presumably want an end to this kind of behaviour from him, and a great reintegration to normal schooling, successful school career etc?
Make a bit deal out of this (the lack of contact, rather than the breaking the window) and he will see that you are not on the same page as the school. You need to support the school as much as possible.

I shall make the behaviour the priority issue, but I'm not going to be humble about the lack of contact. The school goes nuts if you don't keep them informed of everything, why should the same not apply the other way round?

What do you mean by humble?

How do you intend to raise it? Can you not just day you would have liked to have been contacted on the day it happened?

That's not the point. I can see why your cross, my point is it may be harmful to DS's reintegration. But if having a bee in your bonnet is more important to you...

Just remember, they are having to put up with this awful behaviour. You could well be exacerbating it.

you're

How would saying that I am not happy about the lack of contact harm his reintegration? Does DS get penalty points or something? By humble, I mean not saying what I really think. How would be exacerbating this "awful behaviour'?

Sorry I meant how am I exacerbating the problem of them putting up with the behaviour.

Just that you could be.

Option A - ask school quietly away from DS, why you weren't contacted. Accept explanation, leave it at that. No problem done.

Option B - 'kick ass' - discuss this with Ds beforehand, have a big showdown with the HOY about lack of contact, Ds knows, DS now knows you are not one the side of the school, DS does what he likes, expecting you to back him up, situation at school gets worse, behaviour at home worse, DS excluded, you at end of tether etc. etc.

Hmm, option B contains a lot of assumptions on your part. I never said I intended to make a big noise about it. I always deal with such things discreetly, but I suppose the kick ass comment suggests otherwise. And I repeat - the behaviour gets priority. I'm just not going to let it be brushed under the carpet. I haven't and nor do I intend to discuss it with, or in front of DS. The no contact thing I mean. Does criticising the school's failure to call me mean I am not on "their side" then?

Thanks for all the messages everyone x