AIBU to think that ex's mum is a complete fucking cow to be placing responsibility on me?
Ok so ex's mum is and always has been since I've known her, very manipulative, controlling and completely disrespectful of other peoples' boundaries. Since ex and I split up, I have had to work very hard to maintain my personal boundaries with her, as she has no respect for others' emotional needs, or of what is and isn't appropriate to say, or do to someone.
So, she's not well at the moment. Ex lives with her. Has done since we split 5 years ago. I rang him on Thursday morning to request a slight change in plans for the weekend. He sees DS every Saturday evening and all Sunday. Every weekend. I asked if we could change the plan, for this weekend, since it's Mother's Day. I completely forgot it is his birthday on Sunday. Instead of pointing this out to me rationally - to which I would have apologised and said "Ok of course you want to be with DS", - instead of doing that, he ABSOLUTELY lost it with me on the phone. He usually does if I say something he doesn't agree with. He's a complete bully, has anger issues and can be violent, aggressive, controlling. He shouts, calls me names: bitch, cow, fucking bitch, fucking cow, he also insults my mental health. This happens a lot, regularly, but without discernible pattern. Needless to say, I ended the conversation.
This evening, I receive a phone call from ex's mum requesting that I "try to avoid those sorts of conversations with him because it isn't good for her health to have him shouting like that in her house". I explain that I am not responsible for ex's anger or the way he chooses to express himself. She says "but I think for my sake you should try and avoid it" I tell her that for MY SAKE, I do indeed to avoid those types of confrontation with him (y'know because I don't particularly enjoy being called a simple minded bitch, or being told I'm fucking mentally insane). I point out that she is talking to the WRONG person. I let her know that I am aware how difficult it must be for her to hear him losing it like that, especially since she's so unwell, but that there is nothing I can do, short of never phoning him again, or only communicating through a solicitor, she really ought to talk to HER SON.
Quite how she imagines I will AVOID conversations like that is beyond me, since they come OUT OF KNOW WHERE. If I knew the conversation was going to go that way, I wouldn't phone him!!!!!
Ex's mum acted all "hurt" and as if I was somehow being callous by not saying "Yes, you're quite right, I should be doing more to stop him from acting in that way, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have phoned him, mea culpa". She actually said: "oh, well I just thought, that since I'm ill..." I said, "Respectfully, speak to your son." so she quickly ended the conversation and we hung up.
WTF??????