To want my child to be treated the same?!

[stinkybumsmum]

I'll apologise now its gonna be a long thread, got a lot of venting to do! I live next door to my sister and her two lovely boys and next door but one to my mum (close I know!!). I have one boy nearly 2 years old now and can't help but feel my family don't treat my little boy the same as my sisters two. My sis got pregnant at 17 and moved in with her partner very soon after. She wasn't living next door at this point. My mum and I were always round asking how she was how she was coping with pregnancy etc. My mum was at the birth and stayed with her for a week to 'help'. All I heard from her for ages was how good a mother my sister was and I never doubted that. When my sister had another little boy 2 years on (still not next door) again my mum and I there as much as possible. But when I got pregnant I got the feeling of 'been there done that' from my mum. She was there for my birth but didn't come round for a week even though she was 2 doors away. Then when my mum bought the house inbetween us to rent to my sister things got worse. I was excited to have my nephews living next door because I love them to bits and got to see them grow on a daily basis. But my mum would be taking the kids here there and everywhere but not even glance in on me. When my sisters kids were 2 and 4 my mum and stepdad took them on holiday just over the weekend but she still hasn't even taken my baby out for the day! It eats me up inside because I really feel I should say something but worry if I do I'll upset everyone and strain all our relationships. But I also feel I'm being punished for choosing to have a baby when my partner and I were ready and not getting caught out so young. I have always been the responcible one while my sister is a bit hippy dippy. Shes a awesome mother but a bit of a crappy person if that makes sense? I really don't want to fall out with my family but even right now I can hear my mum laughing a playing with my sisters youngest while she hasn't stepped foot through my door in a bloody fortnight. Am I being unreasonable to ask when my mum takes my nephews out and spends £100 or so on new clothes and toys that she do the same for my boy or when she spends a whole day doing craft and going to the park she do the same for my boy? I feel so bitter somethimes and I have to admit I'm jelous of the attention my sister and her kids get and have to question if there is something not so interesting about me and my baby. Huff puff so frustrated :(

I'm wondering if she feels that you don't need her as much. Maybe you come across as being super efficient and confident. I would either ask your mum outright why she spends so much time and effort with your sister and explain that you feel left out, or if you want to be more subtle about it ask her to have your little one while you go to a doctors appointment/ have your hair done or something. Invite her to come out with you for lunch/ feed the ducks. Involve her with your family and you may find she wants to be involved but is afraid of stepping on your toes. I do understand that you feel pushed out, believe me i would feel exactly the same, but have you considered that it may not be delibrate?

Have you actually asked your mum if she´d like to take your son out as well as her other GC?

I also agree with just going round when you hear your mum.

For me though the whole thing sounds far too close tbh.

Phew! Your family lives too close for comfort. And your mum is being unfair and immature. Some mums do have favourites, usually the weaker or needier child. Or it may be the case of been there done done that!

However, for the sake of your son, you should try to improve the situation before he gets old enough to notice. Just be very rational in your approach without letting emotions cloud your judgement.

Ask your mum when she is free and invite her to join you the next time you want to take your DS to soft play, park, shopping trip etc. Ask her to come over and prepare a favourite dish etc. Try and make these occasions special so that she looks forward to them.

You can even request her to take your DS the next time she takes your nephews to the park etc.

Tell her explicitly that you want her to be more involved in your son's life and her wonderful relationship with your nephews makes you wish the same for your DS.

Give this relationship some time to develop and evolve. However if your mum continues to be thick headed, you will need to set some mental boundaries in place. Accept that she will continue to play favourites, reign in your expectations and facilitate your DS to associate with other adults - family freids, the other set of grand parents, neighbours etc.

If you've got the whole open door thing going on, why not just turn up and say "DS wanted to see his Granny."?

To me YANBU but that's my opinion.

Tell her you'd love her to spend a special day with her grandson as he misses his Granny. Drop over to hers if you have this open door situation going on and say hi and sit down on the sofa and say, "Your grandson missed you so thought would pop over and see what you were doing!" once she starts spending time with him she'll love it and want to do it more often.

Your Mum no doubt thinks that although your sister is capeable as a parent, she might be a bit emotional or a little bit slapdash with life in general and therefore she needs help with things a lot more. She might feel you give an air of independence and that you'll let her know if you need her because you have a supportive partner and appear to be getting on great she'll think "i'll stay out of her hair" so to speak.

Just try getting her to spend more time with your DS and hopefully she'll love it and do it more often.

YANBU

I have this but my sis is a single parent - think DN was last ditch attempt to hang on to a cheating DP and has always been my parents favorite.

I deal with it with distance - physical and emotional and my DC just don't see DGP as much as I would like but I would rather that than them realise the are 'second best . I grew up knowing siblings and I were not the favorite DGC for either grandparents.

I've tried talking to my parents they deny the obvious favoritism or find excuses- I know they love me and DC but...

Still in your situation I can't see you have the distance option so you'll have to try confronting or changing the situation. Definitely do the specific asking round for a set time or going over to sis when she is there and joining in.

I'm ever so slightly late relpying after a bit of a family drama (totally unrealated to this drama!!!) and once this has blown over I will be sitting down with my mum and hope she won't take offence to how I feel and maybe try get my sister out with me and all the kids more too.

Fingers crossed I won't come across bitchy or resentful cause I don't think I feel resentful (jelous maybe)?!

Thanks for everyone being straight forward with me and theDevilHasTheBestMNNames I hope things get better over time for you and your family.

+ time for me