to call this women an interfering judgmental cow

[Pusheed]

This happened last year but earlier today I used a taxi firm that I forgot I had blacklisted and it reminded me of the event leading up to this blacklisting.

I went back to work in May last year when the twins were in Year 6. I would have liked to have delayed it until September, when the twins started secondary school, but it was too good a job to walk away from. Plus we needed the money.

In the morning I would drop off the kids and then go onto the station. In the afternoon they would walk or scooter the 2 miles home. DP or I would be back by 6pm so the DCs would be alone for about 2 hours. They were under strict instructions to bolt the doors and not to answer the front door.

One day a week they had to take in their musical instruments. Walking 2 miles home was clearly not an option on those days so we would call a taxi for them. Things were fine in May but one day in June I got a different taxi despatcher on the phone and the conversation went something like this.

Hello. I would like a taxi to pick up two kids outside x school
Two kids? Is there an adult with them?
No.
Silence. Does the school know about this?
Yes I lied
Where are they going?
Number 9 x Road
And there is an adult there?
No. We are both at work.
How old are your kids?
11
11 and you are sending them home in a taxi to an empty house?
Yes
Silence. The taxi will be there in 10 minutes CLUNK.

The next time round I called a different taxi company.

I am talking about a licensed cab with a driver vetted by the police. If she doesn't think that two young children should be in a taxi with one of her drivers (she told me she was the office manager) then why the feck was she employing them?

As for the empty house, mine can't possibly be the only 11 years olds that are what the Americans call latch key kids.

Was IBU to call this women an interfering judgmental cow to DP?

I think 11 is possibly a bit too young to be a latchkey kid, but I was one and it didn't do me any harm, it's just that these days people tend to be more wary.

Perhaps the woman was worried about an adult dropping kids off knowing they'd be looking after themselves for a while. I would worry if I was doing that and I'm not the overprotective type. Secondary school age would be more realistic for this scenario.

YANBU in letting your DC be latchkey kids. My 10,10 DD is but she gets the bus. All alone and is left alone for an hour in the morning.
I think YABU for forgetting you've blacklisted a firm.
Better that the woman is a judgemental cow than simply reports you for lieing.

Why are you letting stangers know that your kids are going home to an empty house??

I wasn't on high alert at the time :) I was just thinking - where is this conversation going?

I was a latchkey child from 10 onwards and don't think there is any harm in it.

It could be that she needed to ask questions to cover her own back i.e. did the school know etc, it could be there are some sort of regulations for taxi drivers picking up children without adults? She might also have been worried that if there was not an adult at home to meet the children and something happened to the children after they had been dropped off would it then become the responsibility of the taxi-driver. I also know nowdays lots of people don't want to be on their own with young children, I think even teachers are advised to keep doors open if they are say giving a child detention.

Or she could have just been being judgemental!

She might have been checking the facts because a lot of taxi drivers aren't comfortable with being in charge of minors.

As for the empty house thing (I can't believe you told her that) well she may have been wondering who was going to pay the fare.

Rip - In 4 months time they would have been 'secondary school age' :) so I didn't see their age as an issue

When I was a kid I lived in a much rougher neighbourhood and parents thought nothing about kids walking home or to a friend's house or coming home to an empty house.

Over the years people (including myself) have become more cautious and warry and protective.

A bit off topic but statistically children are overwhelmingly more like to be harmed by people they know or are related to as opposed to strangers.

I think you need to let it go.

But I also agree with worra, maybe that particular firm doesn't wantthe responsibility of unaccompanied minors. (like Ryanair don't accept them)

She was being judgmental. She made no attempt to hide the dissaproval. The repeated sharp intake of breath gave the game away :)

Thinking back, revealing that there was no one at home wasn't one of my best moments.

i think you just feel guilty otherwise you wouldn't still be thinking about it now. if you feel there's nothing wrong with it then stop caring what others think. people will always judge, whether they let you know about it or not. have confidence in your own decisions and choices as a parent.

"A bit off topic but statistically children are overwhelmingly more like to be harmed by people they know or are related to as opposed to strangers"

like the taxi driver they get weekly who knows they are alone for 2 hours every evening and might call one evening 'to check they are ok'?

just thinking out loud of course.

"like the taxi driver they get weekly who knows they are alone for 2 hours"

or who "needs a glass of water" or "needs to use the toilet"

"like the taxi driver they get weekly who knows they are alone for 2 hours every evening and might call one evening 'to check they are ok'?"

This is the point I was making. These days we look at strangers and automatically imagine the worst about them.

She was probably trying to decide whether you were on the wind up, or it was safe to take you seriously after you dropped that clanger. Why on earth did you carry through with the booking when you realised what you'd done???

Our local taxi firms won't take an unaccompanied under 12. I would lie and say my nearly 11 yr old was 12 but if he's in his uniform, it's obvious that he's at primary.

I work in a special school and children come form a great distance, many in taxis. The taxis all have a driver and an escort, so perhaps your taxi office lady was used to this scenario, so was a bit about one of her drivers being alone iwth your DCs.

Unlikely I know, but what if an unaccompanied child (or children) made an allegation that the driver had touched them, or behaved inappropriately? That could be their livelihood on the line?

I don't think 11 is too young to be a latchkey child, depending on the maturity of the child BTW.

erm, i think i'm confused so maybe you see why she had the sharp intake of breath when you were booking the taxi? maybe she knows the statistic of a child being more likely to be harmed by someone they know, ie the taxi driver who is now familiar to them?

This is the point I was making. These days we look at strangers and automatically imagine the worst about them.

Yes: or 'erring on the side of caution' as I like to call it, which is something I am wont to do re my kiddies, but that's just me.

In answer to your question, no YANBU as long as you don't think I am unreasonable if I say that actually I think she was behaving in a very responsible way and her (perceived) judgey attitude may just have been your own guilt talking. Though I think Floggingmolly make a fair point and if the operator had really been on the ball she would have refused the booking.

Just saying

It was disapproval I heard in her voice as opposed to concern.

In the two years leading up to this event DP and I would take it in turns to be a SAHP. Before that we had a nanny. One Christmas when the twins were 7 we were at a Christmas panto. At the interval we got talking to the couple next to us. They were about 60 and were there with their granddaughter. I mentioned that this was the twins third panto of the season. When asked how come I said that both DP and I worked so we were determined to make Christmas as fun packed as possible.

Much to her husband's embarassment the woman then proceeded to lecture us on dumping our kids on a nanny and how if you decide to give birth to children then you should look after them. And how in her day blah blah blah but the young people of today blah blah.

The funny thing was that when the show started she smiled, tapped me on the arm and said that she hoped that we enjoy the second half of the panto. She had just spent 5 minutes lecturing us on what bad parents we were and here she was being Mrs Nicey Nicey. She was obviously oblivious to how rude she had been.

Well the lady at the panto sounds as though she was completely out of order (no reason why she shouldn't hope you enjoy the panto though! Really don't see any hypocrisy there) but I fail to see what this has to do with your original post.

You seem to spend quite a bit of time brooding on things that happened a while ago. Why would you do that, if you are happy with your choices?

she may have been concerned for a - any responsibility/liability of the firm when dropping children off alone b- the children misbehaving putting the driver in an awkward position c- potential for driver to be accused of wrongdoing

11 is a grey age for latch key children - depending on the children - so 11 year olds that she has encountered may not have been old enough to be trusted to go home on their own - whereas your children may be more mature - I think I might be taken aback too - but would probably not have said anything

You are starting to sound a leedle bit paranoid OP.

"I fail to see what this has to do with your original post ... You seem to spend quite a bit of time brooding on things that happened a while ago"

Well, my rant was to do with judgemental people as opposed to a rant about taxi dispatchers and panto fans so the two posts are connected.

As for brooding, the fact that I recall the events from 4 years ago and a year ago and am posting it to the world may suggest that I am but I don't think so (but I would say that wouldn't I? )

Earlier I was reading a thread where some of the posters had their Judgmental Parenting pants on so I thought that I vent a bit about judgmental parenting.

I know. The last bit contradicts my claim that I'm not brooding. I'm obviously in denial :)

Fucking hell. Last year? Do you not think it might be time to stop nursing all theses grudges?

"It was disapproval I heard in her voice as opposed to concern."

well people are allowed to disapprove you know. you can't possibly expect to go through life with everyone agreeing that you are a fabulous parent. opinions differ greatly on just about every single aspect of parenting you can think of. that means some people will disapprove of some things that some other people do. it is normal.

you need to let this go. it wasn't today or yesterday and you have already blacklisted the cab firm so you wont have need to talk to her again. it serves no purpose for you to hold onto this 'i've been treated unjustly' attitude the way you have been. raise your children how you feel is appropriate and accept that not everyone will agree with you and that not everyone will be silent on the matter (rightly or wrongly).