to think if someone else's child bashes mine at playgroup the parent should say something?

[fullofregrets]

Obviously it is going to happen, they are two and three years old. It's what they do. But it really annoys me when, as today, another small boy came and whacked my DS over the head. Then before I could do anything he poked him in the eye. Like actually went for his eyes. Now I know it happens, my DS has been known to push other children for no reason but I always always keep an eye on him and if he is naughty I make him say sorry and then make him sit out.

The mother of the little boy today wasn't watching him but then turned round when she heard my DS crying. It was clear it was her child who had hurt mine as all the others had scattered but she just ignored it. It annoys me because it is such double standards for DS. He isn't allowed to behave like that but other children can hurt him and don't get into trouble. In fact DS kept saying 'why that little boy hurt me? What I do?'

Anyway I know it is just how it is but had to complain somewhere as I am a bit cross!

Well I guess she didn't see it

It's hard to watch them every minute especially when you're trying to be a normal part of the human race & drink tea & have a chat

If she didn't see it (or even if she did and didn't say anything) then tell her what happened and ask her to have a word with her child. If she refuses then you have a word with her child. Problem solved

Yes but don't presume the adult nearest the child has anything to do with them. Twice I've been verbally attacked by angry mothers whose children have been smacked or bitten by a child who then decided to hide behind me.

YANBU

YANBU. I will always say sorry to the mother and ask the child if they are ok. It really gets my goat that some mothers/carers will sit happily sipping their coffee totally ignoring their childs bad behaviour.
I agree with Debsbear that the best thing to do is to politely tell the mother of the child what has happened so they have the chance to deal with it.
Also if it keeps happening and the child is often left to its own devices you could always mention it to the playgroup leader/committee and they might have a word for you.

No, I know who he belonged to. She knew it was her child who had hurt mine. Later on I saw him hit another child and she ignored that too.
I know my DS wasn't mortally wounded or anything it is just that I could see him waiting for someone to tell the other little boy off and no one did. It makes it hard to tell DS off for something like pushing when other children get away with it and worse.

Its annoying, but its life.

I know Lucy I kind of wish DS had given him a shove but obviously that would be wrong. Obviously.

Well of course the parent should always say sorry if their child hit's another. But she didn't see.

If she wasn't watching and only turned round when she heard your child crying, what did you expect her to do?

If you wanted her to take action then it was up to you to tell her what had happened. She probably assumed that if you didn't say something, nothing much had happened.

I think if a child has 'form' an adult should be supervising them personally. Sitting with your back to the mayhem is lazy parenting.

DS1, an inoffensive and peaceful sprog, was playing with the trains at pre-school when he was belted from behind with a wooden giraffe by a tiny fairy-like blond girl resulting in a spectacular bump on his head. When I pointed this out to the brat's Mum she said smugly " Oh, yes, little Frogmella doesn't let boys push her around ... "

She sounds delightful feckless I'm sure if it had been the other way around she'd have had something to say about it!

I bet she would! Mind you, little Froggy has grown up to be a proper pain in the proverbial, so what goes around comes around if you see what I mean ...

Surely the playgroup staff are in charge of discipline?

They were when I was at playgroup and feature in some of my earliest memories. Parents could stay but weren't involved in the activities.

YANBU, we were at the park at the weekend, dd2 2.2yr was playing in the sandpit and another boy who was about 4 or 5 was near her and he obviously wanted more space to build something and kept pushing her. I told him twice to stop pushing her and was looking around to try and see who his parent was (it was very busy) and then he tried to actually pick her up and move her. I did tell him then, in no uncertain terms to not touch her again, and he moved off somewhere else. All that was over about 3 or 4 minutes and there was no sign of anyone supervising him at all.

Why didn't you step in and tell the kid off yourself? Don't have to be aggressive about it but if the parent isn't paying attention, you're the responsible adult and have every right to take charge. If the parent does nothing and none of the other adults do anything either the child won't stop.