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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say grace when we have a friend round for tea?

64 replies

MerryMarigold · 14/03/2012 13:58

Would you be offended if you are not a Christian and your kid was 'subjected' to a prayer before a meal? We usually do, and ds has a friend over today. I'm really torn.

I don't know whether to stick with what we always do, or not. I don't think God is going to be up in arms if we miss grace for once, but on the other hand, what am I teaching my kids about 'hiding' their religion for fear of being judged/ ridiculed by others. I don't want to upset the mother though.z

Would you be upset?

OP posts:
MadameChinLegs · 14/03/2012 14:18

I am not a Christian, but if I went for dinner at a Christian friend's house, I would sit and listen. Similarly, if they came for dinenr at my house, I would ask "would you like to say Grace?" as I know it would be important to them.

choceyes · 14/03/2012 14:19

I wouldn't be bothered, as long you don't insist on them joining in.

Devora · 14/03/2012 14:20

I would be fine with this, so long as my child wasn't forced to join in. In fact, I'd welcome it as an educational opportunity Smile

Devora · 14/03/2012 14:21

Sorry, but had to laugh at LeMousquetaire's grandad. I know it isn't really funny...

solidgoldbrass · 14/03/2012 14:24

Yet another militant athiest who wouldn't mind either. (Though I would roll my eyes perhaps, later, after having had to have yet another great long discussion with DS about different things people of different religions do...)

eppa · 14/03/2012 14:27

I don't think I would mind as long as DC wasn't forced to join in. Also might be nice to offer an explaination "we like to say thank you for our food" etc to let them know what its about.
I'm assuming its quite a short and simple prayer so its hardly trying to force your religion on them.
I'm not a believer but I do think it is quite nice to pause before a meal and show our gratitude for it.

Pandemoniaa · 14/03/2012 14:30

Provided that you don't intend to follow the saying of Grace with any sort of Christian indoctrination (and I'm quite sure you don't!) I cannot imagine why any sensible parent would be offended by you following everyday custom and practice in your house. Make sure that the visiting children understand that they do not have to join in unless they wish though.

I'm a pagan. My ex-dh was an atheist. His parents always said Grace before meals and I taught my dcs that this was to be respected. As indeed are any other faith based customs whether or not you share them.

I think it is very good for children to learn that people have different rules, different customs and different traditions. Certainly, you should not have to disguise your faith nor feel somehow uncomfortable about saying Grace.

VickityBoo · 14/03/2012 14:34

I think it's quite nice. Not a devout Christian but not atheist either. For non-Christian children what harm can it do? It's still nice to be thankful, grateful and appreciative of having a fine meal.

starfishmummy · 14/03/2012 14:41

I think it is fine; you could just do a general "thank you for the food we eat" type thing (not mentioning God specifically) if you are not sure which religion (if any) his friends follow.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 14/03/2012 14:55

Well, the prayer tends to be the same every day, depending which kid says it.

ds1 (6): Thankyou God for this lovely food and for this lovely Mummy making it
ds2 (3): Thankyou God for cooking this food. (I wish!)
dd (3): Thankyougodforthisnicefoodamen.

OK, thanks. I would not expect him to join in. We don't usually even close eyes or anything, just say thanks to remember we are blessed.

OP posts:
parachutesarefab · 14/03/2012 14:56

I'm an atheist, but wouldn't want you to change what you normally do for any of my DC. I like them to be aware of different religions, and that different families do things differently. Nice to explain it to the friend though.

I have relatives and friends who say grace before meals - I expect my children to sit quietly, but whether they want to join in with the Amen at the end is up to them. (I wasn't happy at school when a Nursery class were told to "put their hands together to say thanks", and expected to chorus the "Amen").

TalkinPeace2 · 14/03/2012 14:59

or just alter your wording on that day

"For what we are about to receive, we are truly grateful"

my grandfather excelled in making up a different grace for every occasion and set of company

VickityBoo · 14/03/2012 14:59

Lol @ god cooking the food!

Bue · 14/03/2012 15:02

We didn't say grace in my house growing up (though we did go to church) but some of my friends' families did. They never left it out just because I (or anyone else) was there. It's definitely fine to continue with your usual routine.

vanimal · 14/03/2012 15:09

I once went to a child's birthday party where her parents said grace before we ate the party food. We were all asked to observe silence or join in. I didn't join in as I am not Christian/don't usually say grace, but I thought it was lovely.

I was also hugely embarrassed as I'd already snaffled some biscuits by then

axure · 14/03/2012 15:20

No I would not be at all offended or upset. I am an athiest but am always mindful of being fortunate to have food on my plate and think it's nice to say "Thanks".

Bluestocking · 14/03/2012 15:34

I'm an atheist and I wouldn't mind at all. One of my dearest friends always says grace; she's a devout Catholic but her usual grace is "May those who hunger have bread and may we who have bread hunger for peace and justice". How could anyone object to that sentiment?

TalkinPeace2 · 14/03/2012 15:36

The other reason for grace is to ensure that the server gets to start their meal before the first served have finished theirs
an excellent sentiment surely

WorraLiberty · 14/03/2012 15:37

I wouldn't be offended at all and I can't see why anyone else would be either

I certainly wouldn't change the wording though

LucyManga · 14/03/2012 15:40

I wouldn't mind if you did it, but would rather my child was allowed to sit out if they wanted to.

In all honesty, as an adut, I hate it when people say Grace and expect me to join hands and thank a God and a prophet I don't believe in. It feels awkward and wrong.

RiceBurner · 14/03/2012 16:09

I agree with the others who said you should just do as you normally would.

I am a firm atheist, but I think it might not a bad thing to introduce a child to the idea of "being thankful" for having (plentiful) food, if they have not yet come across it? (Whether or not one believes a higher 'power' provided it.)

We all tend to take the basics of life, (food, water, shelter, warmth, safety, family, love), too much for granted, and need to remind ourselves that not everyone has these things on a daily basis?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2012 16:28

I think we have all been brainwashed by the Daily Fail into thinking that there are rampaging bands of atheists trying to ban Christmas and stopping you saying Grace in your own home. The general consensus, amongst the atheists I know, is that I am fine with you doing what you do, as long as I don't have to. That includes, for example, no prayers in school for my kid but yours can pray if they want.

TalkinPeace2 · 14/03/2012 17:38

A quick question for the Christians who I assume are lurking on this thread.

We atheists have said we have absolutely NO problem with OPs family saying grace so long as we are allowed to sit silently with our hands to ourselves.

Are you happy with that?

DinahMoHum · 14/03/2012 17:42

im an atheist and i wouldnt mind at all, as long as my child wasnt made to join in

valiumredhead · 14/03/2012 17:44

We don't say Grace but ds knows he is to join in or sit quietly when he is with friends that do.