To wonder how I can stop being left out when in a group of three?

[IAmTheThreeInTheCrowd]

I've namechanged.

All my life I have struggled in groups of 3 and am always the one left out. Always. If I'm talking to a friend at the school gates and someone comes along that they know and I don't, they start talking and I am left out. If someone I know comes along, I can guarantee they will come over to talk to me but will end up talking to the person I was originally talking to even if they don't know them.

I used to go to Zumba one night a week with two others and stopped going because I got left out. If I meet 2 other friends at say a soft play place, I will get left out.

What is the secret to not being left out? Should I immediately pounce on the person that comes over and start asking them questions and not give them a chance to talk to the other person? Walk off if a situation becomes about three rather than two and just avoid situations like that? I really need some help and advice.

Maybe you are choosing the wrong people to be friends with? When I was younger I much preferred to have one to one friendships as I was usually the one left out of a trio. But in adulthood my best friendships have been in groups of 3. If the dynamic works a group of 3 can be great. The key is though that you all have to respect and like each other equally. If not the inevitably one person gets left out.

I think you're right conchita :-(

please please try to boost her self esteem, if you can. I see so much of what my mum did here. She projected herself onto me and then tried to protect me by railing against the 'bullies' who were horrible to me. i ended up believing there was something wrong with me, but kids are just rotten. tell her she's great and to not take it to heart.
FWIW i am a fairly confident and v happy adult these days

It's interesting though, isn't it? Because here, on this thread, you have variable responses right throughout the thread, specifically to you, and offering different suggestions. I suspect you don't feel left out on this thread?

Makes me wonder if there is something that you pick up on in body language, then respond to?

Thank you everyone.

Conchita I totally take on board what you are saying. I'm glad you've turned out confident and happy :-)

Lougle, yes I think I do pick up on body language. If the other two for example start facing each other and leave me feeling like I'm surplus then I start feeling left out.

social ease takes practice, it really does. It sounds like your lack of confidence leads you to interpret certain body language as a rejection, which means you then retreat from the situation even more. But not all people function well in threes. I have a friend who only wants to meet one-to-one even though we have lots of friends in common. It drives me up the wall because I like a big sociable group and also I can't spare many nights out these days so it's great to see everyone together. When we do manage to meet up she'll hive one person off and only speak to them. I try to bring everyone back into the conversation but she just doesn't like it. If we're in a three she does stare into space. I've just accepted that is the way she is. Do you think this is how you are? Because from your first post it sounds like it's not so much that you want to get along in a group of three, but you prefer to be in a two. I think some people just do.

I prefer two's. I hate groups of 3 or more. I always get left out too and ignored because I'm quiet and shy. I got left out by my 2 sisters all the time as a child so I'm sure that's where it comes from.

I avoid groups now. I just walk away if another person comes along.