Ok shes my MIL and I love her but AIBU to expect my DH to not be crap for once

[fishandlilacs]

My DH is crap at birthdays, mothers days etc, he always forgets or send cards late after much poking and prompting from me.

It's mothers day this Sunday, his mum helped us out hugely when my DC2 was born 8 weeks ago, I have already bought her some perfume and a card as a thank you gift but I think she deserves to be at the very least sent a bouquet this year-acknowledged by DH for everything she did for us. I don't see why I should be the one to sort this out. I have already sorted out my mother, and booked a pottery painting session for him and DD to do my mothers day gift (I have been asking for a mug with a hand print on it for 3 years now-I did him one for fathers day 3 years ago and I wanted one to match) he has always forgotten to organise it so I did it myself and he took dd last Friday.

The trouble also is I feel judged by MIL if family birthdays are forgotten because she of a generation where I think she thinks it's my role to do all those things. I feel that although they are my family too and I love them all dearly it should be him who does his family occasions and me who does mine.

YANBU.

Surely it's her problem if she "judges" you? I leave DH to do his side of the family, and I do mine, as otherwise it would be unmanageable (we have massive families) - his family know to "blame" him if they don't get a card :b

See he only has his Mum and dad, I have my gran, my grandparents, my parents and a sister and her family too.

I also do all the gifts for DD's school mates

Well, I´m tempted to say if you get on with her, don´t let her miss out because your husband is thoughtless.

I mean you´ve organised your own present so that you don´t miss out!!

I agree with you. My DH just sits back and lets me do everything. I have a really good memory for dates, so I made a point from the beginning of never finding out when MIL's birthday was, so that it was not my problem.

I do feel guilty on Mother's Day etc when he just doesn't bother to do anything but TBH I have enough to do as it is, without having to do his stuff as well. Father's Day particularly annoys me as both my dad and my grandad are dead so I don't want to have to sort out FIL.

IKWYM about MIL expecting it to be you doing it tho.

If your husband expects you to do it-not on.

My husband always remembered these things before I moved in & it didn´t change afterwards.

But as I had more time than him I would sometimes offer to sort something out if he wanted.

So, OP, I would say if convenient offer to sort something or if not tell him that is MD on Sunday & if he does nothing his mother gets nothing.

And tbh, if he´s happy with that, surely that´s the end of the matter?

I have let my MIL know very clearly that I am not responsible for any forgotten gifts/birthdays. She still called me recently to say that the birthday of DH's cousin's baby was coming up (he was born around the same time as DS, we're fairly friendly with the cousin). I asked her if she couldn't get through to DH. She said no, she just wanted to let me know. I said I'd pass the message on to DH. No present was sent, not my problem.

I am not DH's social secretary and I never will be.

Same goes for me - birthdays, christmas cards, thank you cards etc for the in-laws are not my responsibility. If DH doesn't do them they don't get done, no skin off my nose. I do my own family and even then I still always forget some people! I'd probably make more of an effort if I liked my in-laws however, but Mother's Day isn't really between you and MIL, its between her and her son! And it sounds like you've done enough with your card and perfume.

As an aside, I find it sad that you have to book your own Mother's Day gift coz your DH 'forgot'.

Sorry but yeah, your DP is pretty useless! What's wrong with him that stops him spending half an hour choosing and paying for some flowers/a nice gift specific to her interests? And yours? How self centred can you get.
Show him this thread maybe.