To not give X half of Child Tax credits

[DutchGirly]

Hello,

My ex has suddenly asked me to give half the Child Tax credits that I receive to him. I receive the child benefit too.

Our daughter lives 50% of the time with him, although I buy the fast majority of clothes, shoes, bike, school lunch and I lend him my car for activities. He still owes me £6000 (he promised to pay this when he got a lump sum of money as he never contributed towards bills when we lived together and pays no child support)

As he still owes me money (which I am never going to see) I am not willing to give him half of the Child Tax Credits. He is getting into debt paying for expensive holidays to visit his family abroad who are multi-millionaires and I am not willing to pay for that.

Am I being unreasonable? If he had been fair in the past, I would happily give him a percentage, I am financially struggling as it is.

YANBU. Tell him that when he's repaid what he owes you, you will consider it.

And stop lending him your car. You are being a mug if you keep doing him favours and haven't even got any child support from him. You need to sort that asap.

I despair of these posts. Why do so many women, let men take the piss in thsi way?

Just thought - is he insured to drive your car?

Legally I am not entitled to child support as she spends 50% of the week with him.

I am lending the car so my child can go to gymnastics, it is for her benefit, not for his and he does pay for the petrol.

Don't do it. Like you said your the one that goes out and buys the clothes and he doesn't pay towards any of her upbringing then keep the tax credits for yourself. If he argues that he wants the money to pay towards bills and food for the time she's there then give him a tenner, that should cover it.

Don't give himany money. He sounds like a cocklodger with no paternal pride whatsoever. What a loser.

Show him where the job centre is.

Obviously you need to get the money you are owed then I would do a calculation through the CSA website to see how much child support he should be paying you. You can deduct that amount from the tax credits and CB you get and what is left between you (I doubt you will end up with an figure to be split). Pointing that out to him may make him stop asking and also make him think that he should be paying to support his dd (the calculation can take account of the 50% as well).

work out what half of the tax credits amount to and then tell him how long it will be til his debt is paid off using his share of the tax credits.

can't he use the bus or get lifts from friends or family to take your DD to her activities? why should you be out a car while her activities are on? you dont impose on him when you have her do you?

Yanbu

If he's not paying for anything, then I don't see how you can be entitled to no child support. Who pays for her school lunch on the days she stays with him?

If I were you, I'd get some more legal advice, because if you are covering all her clothing/food/clubs etc, then it does beg the question of what precisely is he paying for?

He does work and legally I am not entitled to any child support as she spend 50% of the time at his home.

I am the one who buys summer and winter coats, school uniform, proper shoes, hair brushes, wellies and clothes.

He is financially struggling and is too proud to say no to his family saying he can't afford to visit them.

The way I see it, he sponged off me for three years when living with me - promising me £6K as way of paying towards bills when he received a large inheritance - which he then refused to give to me as we had already split up.

He tells me he would only owe it to me if we were still together - which does not make any sense as it is to repay for the three years he never contributed towards bills.

I would be keeping receipts of everything I was buying, so I could prove that he wasn't covering clothing costs/club fees etc.

You might need to do this because if she is with him 50% of the time, he could argue entitlement to half the CB/tax credits, in which case you would have to prove that he isn't meeting his fair share of expenses.

Karma, I will be keeping all the receipts, that is a very good suggestion.

I am just tired that he feels I am financially responsible for him as I earn more than he does - if he had contributed towards my bills when living together (the money he had he spend on his friends and family) I would feel far more reasonable. The irony is that his family is loaded although he would never dare to ask them for any help.

He even dared to mention that I must have money as I am having my bathroom redone after major water leak. I actually got some insurance money to have that redone.

You can't split child benefit and tax credits. The system doesn't recognise shared-care.

One parent is the Resident-parent and the other is the non-resident-parent.
The RP is the one who claims the child-benefit.

You can claim child-support but it would be reduced by the amount of nights the child stays with the NRP.

OP, is it the childcare costs that you incur that give you the tax credits? Or are you on a low income? Reason I ask is I earn a reasonable amount but still qualify for help with childcare costs through tax credits. The tax credits go on the childcare costs, and I don't get any in 'my' pocket as such. If my DD was spending 50% of her time with my ex, then I'd expect him to pay half childcare costs if he expected half tax credits. That would cancel everything out as my tax credits go on childcare, nothing else.

In any case, the reason you get tax credits is based on your income level and circumstances, not his. You already do more than he does in making sure your DD is well cared for/clothed/fed etc. and that's as it should be if you are getting tax credits to help with those things. Under no circumstances should you give him any part of them IMO, so no, YANBU.

I had a very similar situation with my ex, he sponged off me when we were together while spending his money on crap he didn't need. I got into really bad debt trying to stay afloat, and my ex owes me thousands from the time he didn't contribute towards bills/childcare etc. It's really frustrating so I understand your feelings in that regard. Tbh, in your shoes, I'd suggest to your ex that he should seek advice from a debt counselling service if he asks you for oney from tax credits. That money is not for him, but your DD, and you already make sure your DD gets the benefit of that. He needs to sort himself out, rather than expect you to continue to bail him out.

Remember 'no' is a complete sentence!

My ex was just literally taking the money out the joint account at just gone midnight. I soon put a stop to that after i left him, i went into teh bank told them, we had split, went into teh job centre and phoned all the relevant benefits to inform them of teh split, he knew i couldnt get out at midnight with a baby, three times a week. i just got all the benefis stopped, and had to get crisis loans for about a month, but i was happy to know he wasnt getting money i was entitled to. However he hasnt even seen him so therefroe, i felt he had no entitlement

Banana, I receive a little bit of help with childcare costs (school holiday clubs) and I am on a low income.

I never got into debt as I manage my finances really well - I live quite frugally, drive a 10 year old car, no new winter coat for 6 years etc. I go without to give my daughter a decent winter jacket, proper shoes, decent food and I invest a little bit every month for her to have a lump sum when she turns 18.

I suppose I feel quite bitter that he still owes me money and then demands more. I understand he is financially struggling but he should ask his family for help or say no to luxury holidays which he puts on his credit card (he says that is what you do for family)

My friend has joint custody arrangement with her ex. She has the kids 4 days one week and he has them 3, then the next week he has them 4 and she has 3.

Neither of them pay the other child support as equally they both have the children. The tax credits and CB is split between them.

BUT the difference is:

He has a complete wardrobe each of clothes for the children at his house including coats, school uniform etc.

He pays half towards school lunches, trips, all clothes/shoes, activities,haircuts etc.

Whoever the children are with that parents feeds them, washes their clothes, does homework with them, drives them around etc.

They also split the cost of birthday parties/presents and Christmas presents etc and the kids can take/leave what they want at either house.

But it took them a long time to get this running smoothly- but it helps that they are still friends so it works well for them

Dutch, as far as I'm concerned then, that money you get is to help with the costs that you incur in raising your DD. The money is going on your child's 'expenses' so under no circumstances should you entertain your ex and his 'request'. Tax credits are not given out just to give someone a nice, comfortable lifestyle. They are specifically for help in supporting the child and in doing so, prevent the family living in poverty. Your ex has options for his own circumstances, and if he is struggling to the extent he cannot live/support himself, then he needs to take professional debt advice from a debt counselling service. You giving him money that you use for the benefit of your DD's needs isn't going to help him, if he's living off credit cards while living a lifestyle he cannot afford or sustain. He's had an inheritance he's clearly blown, given that he's not given you the money he owes, while still living beyond his means.

He is not your responsibility. Your are doing absolutely the right thing by your DD, you are ensuring your DD is looked after and gets the benefit of your tax credits, and beyond that, you have no responsibility to supplement your ex and his living costs. Just stick to the same answer - if he asks, tell him to seek advice from debt counselling, and refuse to engage with him any further in the conversation.