to be thoroughly pissed off with DH's friend about this?

[ohbugrit]

DH has a long distance cycle trip planned. He's invited an old friend. Old friend (P) has sort of taken over the organizing a bit but he lives near the route and it's been practical so DH hasn't said anything.

P phoned yesterday to say that he'd been speaking to his mate G who said he and his wife would like to do it too. P told him he didn't think it would be a problem and gave G dates and details of the accommodation arrangements. So it was pretty much a fait accomplis when he phoned DH.

The thing is, DH and G go back a long way and were once good mates but haven't spoken for 20 years. They drifted apart after DH got together with G's ex. There's no bad feeling but DH effectively doesn't know the guy, alone his wife. P knows all this.

DH is feeling awkward about the prospect now, and because he's an inherently shy and antisocial person this has taken the shine off things and he's a bit irked that 'his' trip had been bulldozed. But he can't say anything to P because it could cause bad feeling and it's going to make DH look like a complete git if he makes P tell G that he and his wife can't come. So the big trip DH has been looking forward to for a year is spoiled.

I'm half in a mind to phone P myself but I don't know if that would make things worse. I'm so cross with him for being so insensitive

Hmmm yes - my dh is of the quiet, shy variety as well, and might well feel like 'his' trip had been ramraided as well. Which in a sense it has.

I dunno - I'm in two minds about it really. On the one hand, I'd hate to think my dh's carefully planned good time was being compromised by the inconsideration of his friend, who invited these extras along to change the ethos of the whole trip.
But on the other hand, I also think my dh kinda needs to man up and deal with social situations better than he does, as his social anxiety has a history of causing problems. Mainly for himself of course, but for me as well, because I don't quite have the social life I'd like to, as my husband doesn't mix well. I might view it as an opportunity for him to get over himself and face his fears. Iyswim?

So in short - I'm a bit yeahbutnobutyeahbut about this.

Thanks for all your views. I'm not going to get involved. pictish you have my problems exactly I see, I identify totally!

I am so miffed though. DH has saved for months for this and it's really important to him (lots of back story etc). But I would hate for him to fall out with P who has been a great friend to us and is a lovely, if thoughtless, guy. I know I would suck it up and probably have great fun but DH isn't like that. Anyway, he's going to mull it over for a couple of days before making any decisions.

It sounds like P doesn't really know your DH that well though. How come he doesn't know how your DH would feel?

Ouch. I do know how you and your DP feel. Same sort of thing happened to me a few years ago with a cottage holiday ... I was massively pissed off at being hi-jacked but went anyway ( DP bullied me into it ) and we all had a really good time and have made it a regular date with the same chaps ever since!

I wouldn't get too involved if I was you, your DP can either bow out gracefully and go on his own or take a bit of a leap of faith and go with the gang but for you to chip in as well it might all get a touch acrimonious and personal.