To think DH is lying

[deliakate]

Called him x2 on his mobile this evening and it rang out, so I gave up. He called me back about half an hour later, saying he's just been stuck in a tunnel for 20 mins between two tube stations.

So why did it ring if you were underground - I say. Hmm, weird - he replies.

I feel sus so I call TFL - no reported delays and the chap said he would def know about a 20 min delay as it would have a massive knock on effect on the whole line.

AIBU to think he is bullshitting me. He will NEVER admit to this. Arrrgggg.

What has he lied about to your face?

Well, you can get mobile reception in some tube tunnels (around Embankment for example). And no I would not necessarily believe the Tube man, there were times when I was stuck on the tube for 15 minutes every day, it's not that weird at all. So on that basis YABU.

BUT that all sounds really beside the point. You're married to someone who you know for a fact lies to your face. Why? And you don't care what he's up to. WHY?

You have much bigger problems than this one instance. Are you going to do anything about it?

He has lied about small things and big things. eg. he had given up smoking, then he began to come home smelling of cigarettes. I knew he'd been smoking, so just asked him - not accusatory, because I used to smoke, and I know how hard it is. But he denied it point blank. He'd tell me I was going mad smelling it. Finally, it came out and now he's a regular again.

So he lies about things he doesn't need to. Sounds a right pain in the arse!

What else has he lied about?

It just sounds quite bad if you say you don't care what he's up to, you just want to know if he's lying. But surely you do care?

Leave the barsteward!

My husband does this sort of phone avoidance when he wants to go for a pint on the way home from work. He doesn't like to tell me he is going for a pint because he is late home a lot due to working long hours so doesn't like to admit he is doing it voluntarily sometimes! I trust him though.

Does he gaslight you too?

Yes he does

Sounds like my ex. Lying for the sake of it.

I wonder if this is a story of 2 behaviours causing a vicioys cycle.

Your relationships sounds very unhealthy tbh. To ring TfL is a drastic over-reaction to an excuse for lateness but set against a pattern of positively casual lying I think I can understand why you'd do it. I suspect there is a backstory the size of an Argos catalogue here.

Phones ring if there is no network, it's no buggy.

Deliakate, this may sound po-faced but it doesn't sound like you have much respect for his job, that's a bit unhealthy between spouses.

We lawyers can't really can't lie professionally you know, the Law Society would strike us off. That's why you can't defend a client who has told you he is guilty.

FWIW he does sound shifty but please don't blame his job for that!

What have I done CaiNIMa? :(

CaoNIMa I mean

do people really make excuses for lawyers who act like naughty children just because they are lawyers ?

really ?

I would think a professional person should act a lot more like a grown up and I wouldn't tolerate it at all, but that's just me. My mind often boggle at what others will put up with.

boggles

Idk, I have terrible reception at the stables, some sort of black spot and my mother is always saying she has rung me why don't I ring back? I look on the phone and there's no missed calls, but when I leave the stables they all ping up on the phone, sometimes hours later.
You do sound pretty suspicious, and this is just a thought, are you suspicious because he lies, or does he lie because you are suspicious and he thinks he needs an excuse or you will give him a hard time? Not excusing the lies at all, but sometimes we need to look at our own behaviour too.

Ftr I did once know a bloke like this who used to come out on the lash with us all in a big group from work, his wife would ring him and he would blatantly lie about being on the train home when he was still in the pub with us. She must have been able to hear that he wasnt on the train, but he still persisted in saying it. He would get a right ear bashing when he got home but he still did it again because basically he was pissed, and she would give him an earful on the phone in front of his mates if he told the truth or she would give him a bollocking when he got home if he lied. He chose the latter.

Why are you staying with someone who gaslights you? I've had that happen to me and left me feeling like i was going mad and exhausted.

I'd lie to you too - you sound very controlling.