AIBU to want to 'punish' my DS for nearly being hit by a car?

[zazas]

This evening I was informed by another parent that my DS after school today ran across a very busy main road and was but a few feet away from being hit by a fast moving car. He is in Year Six, 10 years old (11 in May) and is allowed to walk down from school and along into town to go to a dance class on Mondays on his own. Other afternoons he crosses this road to meet me after school. He has crossed this road all his life with me and the last six months without me and this afternoon was only about 20 feet from the signal controlled pedestrian crossing (the only place he is allowed to cross) when he suddenly decided to dart across - in front of other parents and children but by himself.

I haven't had the chance to ask him "why" and won't for another 20 minutes when he returns from Judo. I am so upset obviously over what might have been but more importantly how I have trusted him over crossing the road and yet he did something like this (we have done the whole walk with him over the route, laid down the rules only cross when it is green regardless if no cars etc etc) - so he knows what is expected of him.

I can hardly feel relived that he wasn't hurt (or worse) because it was not an accident just stupidity and I am not sure how I will deal with him and what punishment (if any) he deserves when he gets home.

Anyone with any thoughts, please?

I would give him a bollocking, although if he was aware how close he came to being mowed down, he has probably realised what an idiot he was already too.

Even adults make errors of judgement.

I don't know really

I don't think I know anyone who hasn't taken a risk like that and been very shocked to realise how close they came to being run over.

I did the same sort of thing when I darted out from behind an ice cream van aged about 9yrs old.

My parents didn't have to punish me because I was shaking like a leaf after hearing the screech of tyres and I burst into tears.

I suppose it all depends on whether you think he was appropriately shaken enough to learn from it.

i would talk to him. tell him you know what happened and ask why he did it.

then i would warn him that if he EVER did anything so stupid again I would be personally taking him to and from school and dance class and holding his hand!

OR, tell him you will be accompanying him from now on until you can trust him again

depending on how cross you feel/his response

Worra makes a good point too... .he probably is well aware how silly it was and hopefully scared himself

I think he will have had a shock and learned his lesson.

I wouldn't let him go by himself again for a while. Thank goodness he is ok but you need to ensure he goes with you until you can trust him again

Do update us op

My DS was hit by a car because he wasn't looking.

It resulted in a broken leg, but waiting in A and E I didn't know that. His first words to me when he came in on the stretcher were "Sorry Mum...."

He was in Year 7 at the time which is apparently an extremely common time for this type of thing to happen. The youngsters are generally walking to school on their own for the first time and haven't spent alot of time crossing roads etc, having been mainly in cars.

Incidentally my DS walked to school in Year 6 too alone but didn't have any roads to cross.

Me and DH had "serious chats" with him about road safety for a long time afterwards. He knew he was to blame and having spoken to the guy that hit him, I've got a feeling it was alot worse for him in many ways.

Don't punish him, just try and make him see what could of happened and what the repercussions would have been. Good luck

I had something similar with DD, she nearly got hit by the vicar of all people.

My situation is a bit different because I can't figure out if DD was just daydreaming, or if the driver (vicar or not) drove too fast around the bend & forgot the bit in the Highway Code where it says that pedestrians already crossing the road have the right of way when you turn into a junction (everybody else forgets that bit of the HC, sigh).

We've had a long talk about safety, that she needs to cross at at a different, safer place (no pedestrian crossing as it's a quiet road except for school run madness). I think she learnt her lesson (I had several accounts of the event from others, too).

I think in OP's case I'd chew him out but not punish him beyond the verbal scolding.

I'd ask him if there was anything he needed to tell you about his day before you question him, if he says no, prompt with anything different happen on the way home? I wonder, does he even realise what a near miss it was?

I agree, severe bollocking and walking with him again until you feel comfortable again.

Thank you all so much - reading these posts before I spoke to him helped immensely. He was really upset by what happened although didn't appreciate how close the car was. However he knows what he did was wrong as was his reasoning - that he 'thought' it was safe and that the lights can take ages to change - so he didn't want to wait... So I haven't 'punished him' but had a good chat - him in floods of tears (me nearly). His older sister helped by saying how she did something similar (same place, same age) which helped put it in perspective. He doesn't want to walk now - so we will probably take a step back and give it a bit longer to ensure he is OK with it.

I really can't say how much I appreciate you posting - it certainly gave me perspective and a more gentle approach to this that I was initially feeling. Thank you.

I'm glad he was tearful - it shows he understood, he cares, and got the message. Not a nice lesson, but one that has be learnt hopefully. I think sometimes knowing you've done wrong, that awful feeling inside and knowing mum is disappointed in you carries more weight than any punishment.

Time to move on from it now :) Well done for staying calm and giving him the space to talk about it rather than going in all guns blazing.

I remember riding my bike at that age, and I cut across a car without realising. The car beeped me, and the shock scared the life out of me. I needed need any more telling and I was a lot more careful in future. I suppose it depends on whether he realises what happened? If he did, I would imagine he has been shocked enough to be more careful next time.

If I'm painfully honest I probably would have gone nuclear over this but I'm glad you managed to calm down and keep it together.

It sounds like he's learnt his lesson so I guess just try and move on in a positive way but perhaps the extra caution for a while won't do him any harm.

Poor wee man, sounds like he had the fright of his life. I think you've handled it the right way FWIW.

I was knocked down by the HV of all people when I was around that age, and it was just like your DS - poor reasoning and understanding of distance and how long things take to stop. Lots of hugs - but also don't let him forget about it IYSWIM. he needs to remember he had a close shave.

forgot the bit in the Highway Code where it says that pedestrians already crossing the road have the right of way when you turn into a junction (everybody else forgets that bit of the HC, sigh).

Isn't it? Grr Are we the only people who remember this?
I once almost had a run it wit a London cabbie. :)

Teenagers are those most at risk of being run over.
Being 40, and thus practically middle aged and no shame, I often feel the need to remind teenagers to pay attention when crossing.
The joys of old age.

That's good OP, you handled it really well by the sound of things.

I think the tears proves he is taking it seriously and that's the main thing.