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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel put out that DH has just gone to the pub

18 replies

greenbananas · 12/03/2012 19:23

I have just cooked a lovely fish pie. This is an expensive meal for us, and DH knew I was cooking it. His friend rang a few minutes ago and asked him to go to the pub, so he has abandoned the family meal I was looking forward to so much and gone to the pub.

DH works long hours and doesn't often get out to relax (apart from playing sport one evening a week). I don't mind him going for a beer with his friend, really I don't. I would just like a bit of notice (e.g. arranging to go the next day so that I can plan ahead a bit). I suspect that I am being a bit unreasonable - am I???

OP posts:
CHT · 12/03/2012 19:24

Only if he knew how much it means to you (I think most men generally need things spelling out to them a bit more than we women assume - generalisation, I know)

poppycat04 · 12/03/2012 19:25

Erm you eat, stick fish pie back in oven to stay warm.
I don't see what the problem is.
YABU

WorraLiberty · 12/03/2012 19:26

He didn't get any notice though did he?

I think if my DH made me a fish pie and I got a fairly rare offer of going out for a drink with a friend, he'd stick it in the oven so I could eat it later.

squeakytoy · 12/03/2012 19:28

its fish pie.. it can be kept warm on a low heat for hours, or warmed up in the microwave..

yabu

Debeez · 12/03/2012 19:33

YABU. Oven on low heat.

fuzzysnout · 12/03/2012 19:36

Actually I think YANBU. It's rude & disrespectful to not consider your feelings when you've spent time preparing a nice meal. How hard would it have been for him to say 'sorry mate I'm just about to eat with my family, but I'll meet you for a couple of pints later'.

AThingInYourLife · 12/03/2012 19:43

If fish pie is an expensive meal for you, how can he afford to go to the pub?

Agree with fuzzy - it's incredibly rude to walk out of a meal that is just about to be cooked.

Not to mention desperate - like the minute a friend calls he has to drop whatever he's doing and go running.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/03/2012 19:48

He has to train his friends as well. I hear this from my DH on the phone, "sorry mate, you need to give me more notice". Then the friends know that he won't be dropping us to run to the pub. They then know to give more notice. Easy.

Debeez · 12/03/2012 20:07

Good lord they're husbands not dogs! Did you make any objection when he left?

upahill · 12/03/2012 20:14

Blimey MrsPratchett if you lived by that rule you would never do anything sponteaneous.

I love it when friends ring up and suggest something that I hadn't planned. Of course I can't or Dh can't do all the things all the time but I would hate things to be so rigid people need to give us notice in advance!

The fish pie incident (or similar ) is a common occurance in our house, not necessary friends ringing up but other stuff. I don't bother because it is only food. It will be eaten and enjoyed at some point.

Crikey I can often spend most of the day making something nice and I don't think anyone would notice but that is because they like simple style food and I have done the effort because I have enjoyed doing it and not seeking praise.

Original poster
greenbananas · 12/03/2012 20:14

Thanks ladies. A mixed response which very much reflects my mixed feelings!

Debeez, no I didn't make any objection - I just agreed to keep his fish pie warm for him. Just felt a bit sad that he was not at all excited about my lovely fish pie (am 5 weeks pregnant and perhaps a bit hormonal).

Anyway, it was a lovely pie Smile - DS and I have been eating it!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 12/03/2012 20:22

upahill I don't think that there is no spontaneity. If something comes up that is genuinely a one off chance, that's great, and I wouldn't STOP my DH if there was no childcare issues or stuff planned. But, there is a specific friend of his who always calls at bedtime, even when he knows DH does it. He always calls with no notice to go out. He wanted to go to Burning Man for his 40th FFS at a cost of a billion pounds and no family allowed. He takes drugs, drinks too much and treats his DW with no respect. I believe he cheats and he would really like DH to be single because he was his partner in crime. Now DH has me and DD, this friend wants to throw a spanner in the works. He is also a racist.

upahill · 12/03/2012 20:27

That friend sounds like a burden MrsPratchet!!

I have friends who ring up, well text or fb, and say fancy going to see the next showiong of ........ whatever. It's usually a group one and who ever is free turns up!!

NoWayNoHow · 12/03/2012 20:31

YABU. It's fish pie, he can have it when he comes home or for lunch tomorrow. I would also grab the chance to get out with both hands, and wouldn't be in the slightest bit put out if DH did the same.

I don't think this is about the cost of the fish pie, I think you're upset because you were looking forward to sitting down as a family and now he's moved the goal posts. It's not a personal slight, it's just a bit of spontaneous behaviour. Provided you get a chance to be spontaneous every now and again too, I wouldn't be too worried about it.

altinkum · 12/03/2012 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jinsei · 12/03/2012 22:42

Sorry, but I couldn't get excited about a fish pie. :)

Flanelle · 12/03/2012 22:52

Is it, like, smoked haddock and prawns and such?

blackeyedsusan · 12/03/2012 23:49

you afford a baby by not eating many £5 meals... and lots of beans... Blush

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