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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

present kept at grandma's house

27 replies

CoffeeDog · 12/03/2012 17:52

My dad bought twins a couple of large plastic pirate ships with loads of little boats pirates and stuff..... boys loved them my mum showed them 5 minutes before we had to go to nursey... cue tears then more tears as she said they had to stay at her house???

My parents don't look after the boys very often only a handful of times in the last 3 years in an emergency my mum don't like me bringing them in for long as they are hard work... i drop a lot of meds shopping off for her and we use her driveway to park when were at nursery.

Aibu to think a.gift should go home.with the recipient ?? Dd2 has been going on and on and on about the fecking pirate boat all afternoon.... just called mum to seee if I could.pick it up and she said.no it is.to stay at their house.

Sorry for the text am typing on.a phone ;-(

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 12/03/2012 17:53

They bought it, their choice I'm afraid. They obviously bought it to keep them occupied when they have them, which is fair enough.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 12/03/2012 17:56

I'd be glad if it didn't come to my house. I'm fed up of falling over massive noisy plastic stuff that other people bought for my kids.

I agree that as they bought it it's their choice where it stays.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/03/2012 17:58

I disagree. A present is a present. Shouldn't be conditional. I would rather vet stuff that is coming into my house thanks DF for buying DD the hammer toy but buying something as a present then telling them they can't have it is Hmm

alarkaspree · 12/03/2012 17:59

I'm torn on this, it's a shame your twins are upset but from the way you describe it it wasn't a traditional 'present' for e.g. birthday - more of a 'look what Grandad has bought for you to play with' and actually I think it's reasonable to keep it there. Maybe they wanted something fun to keep your boys busy and having fun when they visit, so that they won't find them such hard work?

Why don't you take them round there every day after nursery to play with the pirates for half an hour? Maybe she will change her mind about keeping them, or they will have a great time playing with grandma and become closer to her, either way you win.

ENormaSnob · 12/03/2012 18:02

Yanbu

Pointless gift if the recipient never gets to use it.

I would be pissed off if my mum bought me some slippers that I had to keep at hers. Or a puppy that had to live there.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 12/03/2012 18:02

I wouldn't mind if they had them .... they don't. There choice I understand that they are.my children.

We park on drive as its next door to nursery, if my mum is up we go in for five minutes to say hello if she asks and to see if she needs anything.

OP posts:
Meglet · 12/03/2012 18:02

YANBU. They can't just show it off then take it away. Bloody rude IMO.

That's your choice if you want to keep certain toys at relatives houses, I send a lot to my mums house as we don't have the space. We rotate it every so often.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 12/03/2012 18:04

I can't stay after nursery as have to drive to pick up dd from school and we can't go early as.my mum don't get up till late ;-(

OP posts:
OddBoots · 12/03/2012 18:08

I think I would ask them directly if this is their way of saying that they want your children to go over more.

FlossieTeacakeShouldFakeIt · 12/03/2012 18:12

YANBU. If they wanted to keep it at their house it shouldn't have been given as a present, it should have been presented from the outset as a Grandmas house toy.

My dc have things like that at my Mums, but my Mum would never say they couldn't take something home if they wanted too, and she would never give it and then effectively ask for it back.

I would land on her for an extra visit she hadn't banked on because your dc want to play wi th the toys, then outstay your welcome to make the point that you don't give children presents then take them away.

2rebecca · 12/03/2012 18:26

Agree she can buy stuff for her house if she wants but would tell her that showing it to the kids 5 minutes before they had to leave was thoughtless and mean and in future can she not show them things she has bought for her house until the kids are there for long enough to play with them. We used to have presents kept at grannies, nothing wrong with that, the timing is the problem here.

TidyDancer · 12/03/2012 18:28

YANBU. A present is for the recipient to enjoy, that means it goes with the child, or is the child's choice.

If they are buying stuff for their house, let them, but it can't be under the guise of being a genuine gift.

Nanny0gg · 12/03/2012 18:30

Just ask your mum if this means that she wants your DC to visit more...

2rebecca · 12/03/2012 18:31

Agree that stuff at grandparents houses was never described as presents for us, our cousins played with them as well, they were just "nanna's toys"

ariadne1 · 12/03/2012 19:23

YAB a bit U -The GPs obviously haven't bought it for themselves have they? They've bought something nice for your DC to play with just hold onto that without worrying at whether it should have been described as a present

IwannaSleep · 12/03/2012 19:31

I would assume they want you to visit more often with the kids

GavisconJunkie · 12/03/2012 19:32

I've got a splintery bum on this one. I can see both points of view. I'd love it if PILs would get some age appropriate toys for their house for the rare occasions they have DD. That way I wouldn't be forced to fill the bloody boot at their request. I would also LOVE if some of the shit that they do buy didn't have to come to my already groaning house.

BUT...If you don't mind and it's something they love, it is hard for them to be torn away from it without having a chance to play at that age. It can be a special thing for them to look forward to though.

Still don't know...

WinkyWinkola · 12/03/2012 19:33

Weird and mean to show them just before departure.

I'd buy them same thing for home in response. Grin

There are far better ways of getting people to visit more often.

AwkwardMary · 12/03/2012 19:34

YANBU....she's bought something and is being mean about their enjoyment of it...huggingit close to her...in a way she is rationing their pleasure.

thegreylady · 12/03/2012 19:38

I think it is absolutely horrible to withold a gift from a child once it has been given-cruel and nasty.I am a grandma and have a wooden chest of age appropriate toys for my dgc plus unlimited drawing paper,pencils etc.If I buy toys to keep here they are 'grandma's toys' to be played with here but if I buy a toy for a child then it belongs to the child and can be taken home or left here as they like.My stash of toys/books is made up of some of my dc old stuff.some charity shop stuff and some I have bought new like a very cheap toy cooker and pans which has now served 9 dgc and is still played with by dgs[3].
Does your mother have other dgc?
Do tell her what I have said-I am horrified!

ariadne1 · 12/03/2012 19:44

'in a way she is rationing their pleasure'

..because we want to raise little hedonists don't we?

attheendoftheday · 12/03/2012 19:47

YANBU, I think a present should go to the recipient, and why give something if the experience is only going to upset them e.g. just before leaving and you can't take it with you.

Probably too late to do anything about that specific toy, but could you explain how upset your dc were and ask them not to bring out new toys in that way again? I think it would be reasonable to ask them to say at the outset that it's not a present, it's a toy to stay at their house, and only to show them something if they will have time to play with it, such as at the start of a visit.

treadwarily · 12/03/2012 20:40

YANBU at all. A gift is for the recipient, not the giver. And v. insensitive to give to young child only to take it away again.

However, not a lot you can do about it because your mum has made the rules.

I would explain to my kids that grandma has different rules. And tbh I'd probably go to buy a friggin pirate ship for home.

Pseudo341 · 12/03/2012 20:57

Did they give them to them as a present? If so then they are your kids property to do with as they want and personally I'd be insisting they came home. If they bought them to entertain them when they're visiting then they're your parents property to do with as they wish. In short, it entirely depends on what they said to the kids when they produced the toys.

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 12/03/2012 21:11

Your parents sound like mine. Hardly look after the kids don't like to see them for long insist on kids keeping presents at their house and my mum doesn't get up til late!!! I totally sympathise

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