to feel a bit despairing and quite annoyed by this?

[extremepie]

I was reading a magazine article recently (another one!) about this 50yr old woman who has decided to start posing for underwear 'glamour' photos with her 19yr old daughter.

On the face of it I thought, 'fair enough, if you want to do that go for it' but when I read the article through I found myself becoming increasingly annoyed.

She starts by saying that her daughter, at 16, failed all but 4 of her GCSE's and only got D's and F's in the ones whe did pass.

She responds by saying 'never mind, lets go shopping' and (I'm paraphrasing here but) 'looking at my daughters glossy brown hair and doll-like features I burst with pride anyway - these would get her further than any silly exam results'.

She then goes on to describe how her daughter begins a college course in hair and beauty but dropped out.

She also says 'she could have got a minimum wage job in a supermarket but she's too glam for that, so I didn't mind that she ended up on benefits like me'.

Eventually she decides to make a career in glamour modelling and the mum decided to try and fill a gap in the market for mother/daughter glamour modelling.

I'm not judging their life choices, more the sttitude that both of them seem to have towards beauty, working, and getting qualifications.

The whole theme of their article seemed to be 'if you're pretty you don't have to bother getting qualifications or working hard, you don't need to lower yourself to getting a job as long as you look good'!

What makes me annoyed is the fact that this 19yr old girl will probably pass down her and her mother's stupid attitides to her own children and just continue to perpatuate the idea that as long as you're good looking nothing else matters.

Grrrr!

Well, I am judging their life choices

YANBU.

yanbu, some people do not deserve to breed

Magazine articles like that are designed to annoy readers. It sells.

She's too glam to work in a supermarket so she'd rather be on benefits? Eh?

Not sure of the logic there, but I'm probably just far too ugly and qualified to grasp it.

At the end of the day though, the daughter is 19 so she could in theory branch out and tell her mum to butt out. But the path of least resistance is clearly the one she's choosing.

Any chance of a link to the article? If possible.

I would judge their life choices, too. They're based on an incredibly screwed up attitude.

That mother is a twat!

I'm judging them too. Although I understand that is very much frowned on by most of MN and that by post 17, we will be in the minority!

idiots

You're right anais, I'm sure that a lot of the time these articles are designed to be a bit inflammatory, probably to get people talking about their magazine, but it just seems a little irresponsible of the writers to put an article in there with this sort of 'message'.

I hate to think that there might be some other young girls out there reading that who might think that it is a good way to view the world!

I'm trying very very hard not to judge....

Why should you bother trying not to judge?!

Although I suppose in a minute someone will come on and say how glamma models/strippers/sex workers are strong, empowered women who have made a valid life choice etc...

I used to work as a developmental research psychologist and part of my job was going around assessing children with various disabilities. It shocked me to realise that a significant proportion of the children had parents who, had they been assessed as a child, would have been considered intellectually disabled too. I am slow to judge people like this because I think sometimes that sort of attitude comes from people who really are working at their maximum intellectual capacity. Some of the parents I worked with were on benefits and it was amazing how well they did considering, like the two in the article, they didn't have the ability to get basic qualifications and had quite a naive almost silly view of the world. In spite of that they led normal, happy lives and raised disabled children with wonderful kindness. Without benefits they would be on the street, starving, because while they had just enough ability to function day to day, they didn't have the ability to hold down a job. Some of them could barely read or write.

This woman's views come across as very stupid but if she genuinely believes what she is saying then that is a product of her upbringing and her understanding of the world.

Can people really claim benefits if they don't want to work mimimum wage because they're "too glam"??

And yes, the mother's comments are ridiculous, but it sounds to me like she's defensive because her daughter wasn't academically bright.

I was about to say the same, Cailin, or leave the posters to enjoy the modern day equivalent to a freak show.

I am only just a bit younger than the mother and from a disavantaged working class background and was, for a while a product of bad schooling (and parenting).

I bump into people that i went to school with and they are amazed that i went on to do a degree, my former teachers included.

We were never given any educational ambition and although i left school with A CSE's, it was never suggested that i go on to college, by anyone.

I was pushed into Youth Training Scheme by the job centre, which ended. It was meeting my DH and mixing in different circles that gave me the confidence to go back into education.

There are sections in our society that are marginalised to the point of having no ambition about anything. This girl has been failed from many quarters.

But having said that, not everyone can acheive academically, for those that don't their options are limited.

Miss- it doesn't say that she refused the job, the mother was hypothetically speaking.

In truth, she probably wouldn't have, you are up against so ma ny experienced, newly made redundant, workers, wanting shifs, soyoung under acheivers are left behind.

If you're intellectually able and grow up in a situation where you are encouraged academically or given help if you need it, it's very easy to think life is like that for everyone and those who don't succeed are just lazy. If you grow up with low academic ability in a family where your parents never even had the possibility of going to university, life is very different. I am of the opinion that everyone should have the chance to lead a basically happy, functioning life regardless of their academic ability. For some, unfortunately, that does mean relying on benefits. I'm perfectly ok with that.

Some schools do well at instilling ambition into those from certain backgrounds, even if that consists of self respect and good self esteem, but there are so many underperforming schools, couple that with poor or just good enough parenting and it leaves the child floundering.

That wasn't a judgement on parents, some parents are parenting at the optimin level, but life has moved on.

OP you are right to dispair, but there are a few doors that could be thrown on.

Birds That was my experience as well.