To be panicking about this meeting with ExH?

[mrscoleridge]

Just wanted to try and get a bit of perspective on this as have tendency to worry myself into a frenzy. Short history- separated for 3 years live in family home with kids as ex moved out after his affair. History of me not being v good with money which he blames for end of marriage. He earns lots more than me and pays mortgage.

Anyway he wants to meet to move things on with the divorce and he is not happy that I have used a joint account attached to the mortgage to bail myself out. I cannot put the account into my name alone as that would mean remortgage and big costs plus doubt could get one at moment.

Am worried that meeting will become a row about me being hopeless and will lead to him wanting to know all my personal finances again although have exchanged them through sols before.

Any thoughts?

I don't think I've ever seen a house sell for the amount it was valued at.

Sorry meant amount on overdraft not much not equity!

Lots of assumptions there late. See last post. Have had no hol for 3 years where he has huge bonus and takes kids abroad. Already said he is receiving huge pension in lieu of equity. And he has hidden other assets

OP, I think the problem here is that you say you don't have the stomach to properly challenge for the fair amount of maintenance/ equity etc, but then you are using that fact to explain why you are short of money/ facing problems/ taking money from a joint account.

I sympathise that you don't want a court battle - BUT - you are then getting in a mess financially and it's causing more problems. You can't use his non-support as an excuse if you aren't prepared to fight him properly for what is right.

I think you have to take a deep breath and resolve the financial issues properly, so that you know you at least tried to get a fair settlement from him.

Perhaps this meeting is a chance to explain to him that you don't feel he is supporting the children fairly and you will be pursuing the matter? Do you have a friend you could take if he is bullying you/ makes you feel uncomfortable?

I think you should pay attention to your solicitor and get a fair settlement. If you don't want to do it for yourself, then think of your children and get what you should, in order to support them properly.

There is nothing in OP's posts to suggest she squanders money on clothes and holidays. And if the ex was so concerned for his kids he might have done better not to fuck off and leave them and then try to screw their mother out of her rightful settlement.

You need to go to court, you can charge the legal fees to the settlement. Get proper legal advice, stop listening to him. Gather evidence of where his money is as far as you can at this late stage.

Thanks for that karma and water. Yes I think that's right. He has always bullied me and my sol says 70 30 split would be much fairer as I earn less have kids nearly all time and have more housing costs ie 3 beds

Get your solicitor to challenge him. He probably doesnt want to go to court either and you should be getting a much better deal than you are.

His ow has been through 3 divorces so I think she is advising to get all he can. She is now presumably rich but hope she can budget!! Her ex is distraught got hold of my number after speaking to one of my kids (OMG)tried suicide 3 kids there too.

And dont meet him in person if you think he is going to use the opportunity to bully you further. Put it all in writing and use a solicitor

The ow doesn't sound like the kind of person to prioritise your dc's financial wellbeing, if she and your ex stay together. She will be thinking about what's good for her. Therefore, you need to view getting a good settlement as a way of protecting your children's financial future. If you cannot face court for yourself, then face it for your children, because they are relying on you to do what's best for them. You can't rely on your ex to do it - he's already shown where his priorities lie and it's not with his family.

MrsC - sorry really thought you meant equity wasnt much.

I do think you should go for a fair split of all moneys - as both partys tend to have same expensives. Ie needing a house etc. and Maintenance should cover the extra costs of having children with you a greater share of time.
However - if you are unhappy with spliting 50:50 or belive their is money he is keeping from you then that should be looked into. It is for the childrens benifit at the end of the day.
He may want to put some money aside for the children when they get older - especially if he feels you are not good at money management. (this of course may not be the case - but it could).
I do think you shouldnt of taken money from account and that this reflects badly on you. However, this is now done and all you can do is work out how you move on from here.