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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Civil Partnership question!

26 replies

Kellamity · 12/03/2012 08:18

We have been invited to a very dear friend's civil partnership. We are absolutely delighted for him. Until now he has been quite unlucky in love and has been very down about previous relationships. We couldn't be happier that such a lovely man has found happiness at last!

The whole family has been invited (3 DCs) and we were making plans at the weekend about logistics and practicalities, babysitters at the venue etc.

MIL was absolutely horrified when it dawned on her we were planning to take the children as she feels it is highly inappropriate although knows our friend well and is happy for him.

So is MIL being unreasonable or are we?

OP posts:
Snowboarder · 12/03/2012 08:23

She is defo BU, especially on grounds of 'won't somebody think of the children'

I can't see how showing your children an example of a loving committed relationship could be a Bad Thing.

WipsGlitter · 12/03/2012 08:23

Have you posted about his before?

Why does you MiL think you shouldn't go? Does she think it will be a gay orgy??! It's not relate her decision, as long as you want to go and your friend WANs you all there then go for it. You might want to be ready with some answers for your children if they say anything about two men kissing or anything else they may (or may not notice).

lesley33 · 12/03/2012 08:23

Why would it be inappropriate? What does your MIL think is going to happen? It will just be a wedding like any other, but between two men. Not sure really why you are even asking the question.

WipsGlitter · 12/03/2012 08:24

Sorry. Dreadful typos. Hope it makes sense!

FlossieTeacakeShouldFakeIt · 12/03/2012 08:26

Mil is BU, obviously. Do you even need to ask?

Cyclebump · 12/03/2012 08:30

YANBU.

Your children were invited and what does your MIL expect, a naked cabaret halfway through proceedings?

On the other hand, perhaps she's just worried one of your DCs will ask an awkward question loudly (you know those priceless 'why is that lady so fat?' type questions but about why it's two men or something). That's still absolutely no reason not to go though.

TheCunningStunt · 12/03/2012 08:39

I think you know your mil is being unreasonable. She sounds a bit more than daft.

FriendofDorothy · 12/03/2012 08:44

Yeah, I think she is BU. Ther best 'wedding' I have ever been to was a CP. A brilliant party and celebration of a couple who had waited a bloody long time to make their partnership legal. It was wonderful!

TheMerchantOfVenom · 12/03/2012 08:46

'Highly inappropriate'...

oreocrumbs · 12/03/2012 08:48

Really in 2012? She is very unreasonable and crackers.

Your DC will have a blast and probably won't think anything of the fact they are same sex, and if they do ask about it - well then thats alright, we can all ask questions and they can learn that we can love who ever we want.

HazleNutt · 12/03/2012 08:49

I am also wondering what she thinks happens at such ceremonies that would make them inappropriate for children. Can you ask?

lesley33 · 12/03/2012 08:51

I would be so tempted to afterwards "hint" at inappropriateness. For example, the wedding was great......but DS was a bit,,erm surprised...by some of the entertainment,. MIL - What do you mean? Me - oh erm...nothing

But I am a bit evil in that way.

noblegiraffe · 12/03/2012 08:52

She is right, gay is contagious. Taking children to a place where gay is openly present is as irresponsible as a chicken-pox party.

Then they'll go back to school and potentially pass on the gay to other children.

CaoNiMa · 12/03/2012 10:05

I would tell her in no uncertain terms to change her attitude quick-smart if she wants to be a part of her GCs' lives. I wouldn't tolerate homophobes around my children.

BertieBotts · 12/03/2012 10:08

It took me ages to work out what you were on about. I thought perhaps MIL was assuming that since it was a gay relationship there were unlikely to be children there, or some kind of stereotype about gay men not liking children, or something... Confused Then I read everyone else's responses and understood.

I agree with others, why are you even asking? It's clearly not an issue for you so why would it be an issue to take the children?

OldGreyWiffleTest · 12/03/2012 10:18

What you are all missing is the fact that, until 1967, homosexuality was illegal. The press, articles etc. before that date portrayed gays as criminals and 'child perverters'. This is a culture that many older people were brought up with, and it still sticks with some people.

Just ignore her.

AMumInScotland · 12/03/2012 10:31

I assume your dear friend, and his partner, have met your children. That they come to your house and you go to theirs. So what exactly does your MIL think is going to happen on their wedding day that is so terrible? I'd cut her some slack because it's a generational thing. But assure her that these people are in your childrens lives, and that you love and trust them, and that you'd not think of leaving your children out any more than you would for a straight couple's wedding.

Civil partnership ceremonies aren't "about" sex, any more than straight weddings are. Obviously it's part of the reason for relationships, but it doesn't define them. Partnerships are about love and committment and responsibility, and they are therefore all a good example for children.

BertieBotts · 12/03/2012 10:33

Really OldGrey? As recently as that? Shock

lesley33 · 12/03/2012 10:35

Yes Bertie. It is very recently that the law changed so that it was no longer legal to sack peopel, etcbecause they were gay - during labour's term. I know 2 people who were sacked from their job in the 1990's because their employer found out they were gay. Not a damn thing they could do about it though.

mummytime · 12/03/2012 10:51

I think FIL is a bit surprised by how open we are with our kids about homosexuality, and I not sure he realised our good friend is gay. In his day it wasn't something a man mentioned to a woman, so he never discussed it with his wife even though her brother was gay (and in a life long relationship from at least the 70s).
Have a good time, and just try to explain gently to your MIL. Or better have the kids explain ( mine at 15, 13 and 8) know all about civil partnerships.

YonWhaleFish · 12/03/2012 10:56

*She is right, gay is contagious. Taking children to a place where gay is openly present is as irresponsible as a chicken-pox party.

Then they'll go back to school and potentially pass on the gay to other children.*

Crying with laughter at this one! Grin

Ephiny · 12/03/2012 12:03

Of course she's being unreasonable, it's no more 'inappropriate' than a civil wedding ceremony Confused. Do you really need to ask?

Maybe it is a generational thing - though plenty of older people are not like that. Either way her comments are obviously silly, if the children are invited and you want to take them, then you should take them. She will get over it.

lesley33 · 12/03/2012 12:05

It is a generational thing. As somone pointed out on another thread it was illegal to have gay sex until 1967 and people were imprisoned.

barbigirl · 12/03/2012 12:31

A teacher of mine was sacked for being gay in 1990.

Devora · 12/03/2012 12:45

Well, of course she is BU.

I hope she won't take it on herself to pass comment to your children.