...to get annoyed by childless people's comments

[MumbleMumm]

My personal favourite so far is "I would like to breast feed, but not the way you do it" because I don't use a cape to cover me, mainly because the fight that would go on with my dd flailing limbs isn't worth the hassle and would leave me being far more exposed than if I just try and be discreet!

Anybody else got any gems for me?

Nah I'd still be annoyed, but at least they would have some experience of feeding babies! (whichever method).

The friend I am quoting has no experience of children. 'Childless' was a generalisation - but the topic needed a title.

legoballoon - eek!

Thought I'd lighten / lower the tone!!

I think it is more that there is a perceived "right way" to rear children.

This is bollocks because aside from abuse (and some kids still manage to do alright ) most children grow up to be adults that are pretty much like everyone else.

Sure all the research points towards X and y being better for children but in real life there are so many variables that perfect parenting doesn't really work. Being head of a multi national requires different skills to being a successful farmer or an academic etc etc.

Having a parent die seems to be linked to success. Don't see that mentioned much in the text books.

Where as you can know about children or babies, if you don't have them.

You don't really know about what life is like, overall.

I found the comments about sleeping during the day and housework the hardest to take.

Friends had all manner of highly dangerous and delicates objects in their garden. I mentioned that they would probably have to think about moving some of it by the next summer (they were about to have a baby). The DH replied "no, Dials. We will simply tell our DC not to touch it"- this was after I had been chasing 12 month old DS round all day trying to stop him touching all their stuff . The DW was also really looking forward to maternity leave do she could concentrate on her art....., ahahahaha! . They are on DC3 and worn down like the rest of us now

What a saddening thread

I haven't been on this side of the fence for long enough to have had many of these comments, DS is only 10mo, but to be honest it cuts both ways. Can think of plenty of patronising know-it-all comments from friends with kids, made while I was child-free.

If someone who doesn't have kids makes the mistake of saying something dopey or judgemental now, I see it as a request for knowledge they are clearly lacking, and then set them straight at great length and detail... They tend not to make the same mistake again.

People sometimes have very extreme fixed views on certain topics before they have children, which suddenly go poof! in a puff of smoke once they're at the coal face, so to speak, and realise the value of cbeebies things that make life with small people run smoother.

"The worst is when someone who has just had their first starts dishing out their pearls of wisdom."

ha ha

so you mustn't share any wisdom if you have no baby and definitely not when you have had a baby.

Isn't it Vivi? S'all very smug parent.

I remember people laughing at me when I told them I was starting a distance degree as soon as I went on maternity leave, how amusing it was to them and how pathetic I was to imagine that I would be able for it, what could I possibly know about having a baby? Well I did, easily, and had another child and did another degree. Joke was on them, ass hats.

can I mention Gina Ford on this thread?

i agree to certain extent with you. So YANBU at all...

Yup - smug parent indeedy. I know everything now I'm a Mum, and a new first time Mum at that. Worst kind.

To be honest most of the judgemental comments have been made by pregnant friends.

Go on mention GF

I agree with you OP. I work with several people who consider themselves experts on child rearing and behaviour on the basis of having watched Supernanny and spending the occasional half hour in the company of relatives' kids.

However, I can remember watching Supernanny and other similar programmes pre-kids and thinking "there is no way that I would let my children do x, y or z". You live and learn....

I had a college lecturer, who thought he was going to write, while his newborn baby slept peacefully in the crib, beside him. I hadn't had kids at the time, but even I knew that one was unlikely to happen?

not always that unlikely. I wrote loads with my newborn sleeping peacefully, they do sleep for like 16 hours a day.

Try harder - Yep - been there with Supernanny. Can remember thinking 'but of course - it's just common sense'. She isn't really in line with my way of thinking anymore!

I had 4 and none of them slept for 16 hours a day - certainly not in big chunks that allowed me to do very much. My youngest had about 4 days of sleeping lots and that was it!

Unlucky for you. But not true for everyone, and why always assume the worst for them? Certainly its a known fact that newborns sleep for an average of 16 hours in every 24.

Sassymcnassy - Lol!! You wouldn't have managed that with my dd... refused to sleep anywhere but on me, or in a moving pram or car for the first 4 months, and if in a sling I had to keep moving or she'd wake up.... was like it from the moment she popped out, screamed the place down in the hospital.

I had one like that, I still got lots done. I wore a sling for about 9 hours a day though! But thats not my point, which is that its really insulting to child free people to tell them their opinions are worthless just because they haven't had their own. They might still know way more than you.

Sassymcnassy - ah, well I didn't tell her her opinion was worthless. I just smiled and nodded and wondered if I was flashing the world every time I breastfed!
Glad to hear it's not just my dd that is like that...! She's 9 mo now, and I still have to rock her in a pram to get her to sleep in the day... though I can now walk away from the pram once asleep.

I used to be very confused while heavily pregnant when people would tell me to get all the sleep I could because I would soon be facing sleepless nights. Didn't newborns sleep 18-20 hours a day? I was going to train mine to be awake from late morning until afternoon, the rest of the time would be 'me' time.

People can say and believe very stupid things when they haven't got a clue.

Having a child doesn't make you a parenting expert, though, does it? I only know parenting from my experiences with my DS. So I only have his sleep patterns, his behaviours, his food habits etc in my armoury. I can still have opinions, on these things, though. Before DS, I was convinced I would not enjoy baby/toddler groups- I was right. I was also sure that I would never smack DS. Right again. I was also pretty sure that I could write a couple of plays whilst on maternity leave. I did that too. Child free people aren't necessarily ignorant of parenting, you know :)

I'm TTC and probably more judgy than I should be. Cannot wait to be proven wrong! YANBU.