Do you just forget that they shat on you and move on??

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Friend who has been ignoring me for past few months has also been stabbing me in the back and lying to other friends about me. I had previously tried to speak to her but she was unwilling to try and sort things out.

ALl this trouble stems form her own paranoia and paranoid behaviour. But whilst i can excuse this i cant excuse the appalling way she has treated me and has completely stabed me in the back.

Now her cover has been blown she has texted me to say she had heard i was feeling down and maybe we could catch up.

I have been down mainly because she has been treating me badly and spreading malicious gossip.

AIBU that i dont want to just let this go and because her cover has been blown pretend it all didnt happen. I have been extremely down about this for over a month and she really acted like a complete bully.

I cant help but want to have it out with her. AIBU and is this likely to make matters worse. I just dont want to be chewed up and spat out without at least complaining about it.

I'd tell her to fuck off if I were you.

Tell her to fuck off.

OP, please do not agree to meet her. I know this sort and have just seen rid of a couple of them myself. Either ignore text or reply with a cheery 'that would be lovely - will text you later with times' and then ignore. This 'type' get off on trying to pour their own bad feelings about themselves into others.

Chin up, smile sweetly when you see her and wait for others to find out what she is like.

To be honest, I think you are being generous by calling her a friend.

Definitely avoid. And be truthful if anyone else asks why.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Any kind of reply won't make you feel any better. Just rise above and discard her.

God know.

Are you kidding me?

Ignore her and don't let her into your life again.

Ignore her, and cut her out of your life along with any of her flunkies who join in with her childish behaviour. She is not your friend and you certainly don't need her.

know?

I mean no.

Past behaviour is an indicator of future behaviour

Let her back in and she'll do it again

Ignore and move on. These people thrive on their ability to reel their victims back in when it looks like their nasty game is up.

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate the advice.

My only issue with completely wiping this person from my life is that we live in a small place and there are alot of small minding people.

This person is very charming and one of these types that just reels people in. She is pretty, has gorgeous kids and comes across as very empathetic and genuine. I have watched numerous people become 'cool' with me over the past few months all because they are 'friends' of hers.

I dont want things to get any worse but i am so hurt and pissed off at her treatment of me.

"I haven't been down, just steering clear of people who don't bring anything positive to my life."

Passive aggressive? Moi?

That is bloody awful, it can be so lonely in a small place with small people to feel like an outsider. Don't meet her, don't let her get her hooks in to you. Be polite about her if she comes up in conversation, if people ask why you are not friends just say we are but I think we have drited apart lately, busy life etc, she will do this to other people and they will see what she is like then. Stay strong OP, real friends will support you.

I think you should have it out with her, calmly and assertively. Then you should find she won't bully you again.

I would call her on it in front of others. Watch her squirm-she is trying to backtrack now she knows that you know. She is chicken shit.
Hope you feel better about things soon.

I'd ignore unless she challenges you, if she does, calmly tell her you don't like her treatment of you. Having said that, IME it's better to ignore as far as possible, as people like her thrive on their weird enjoyment of continually putting others down.

Fatherfrank makes a good point. There are people who to make themselves feel better by put others down, this would also fit in with your observations of paranoia. The best way (I've found) to counter this is to firmly set your boundaries. In practical terms this means if she makes overtures to engage ask yourself do I really want to do this. If not, then fine, don't. If you feel (and by this I mean what you really feel not some notion of how others may think of you, or over-analysing the situation) that you want to save the relationship then do, but with clearer eyes on your wellbeing. As for other people in the community and what they think. The only control you have over that is through your own behaviour. Behave to the best you can be and what will be will be. I have experienced this behaviour and a good friend I talked it over with made a useful comment, along the lines of people who behaviour this way usually do so because they are not happy in themselves. That resonated with me. Be kind to yourself.

Sorry to hear how horrible your so-called friend has been, OP.

I wouldn't meet with her and would ignore all contact from her. She will do it to you again and again if you let her back in your life.

Sounds like a case for Jezza.

I live in a small place and a year or two back an ex-colleague moved back to the area after a while away. She had been utterly vile to me when I used to work with her and brought me close to leaving a job I love (and still do to this day).

She was warm and friendly and chatty. It made it so hard because I wanted to tell her what I thought of her and tell her to fuck off out of my life but then I'd have looked like the bitch.

Anyway, I just kept cool and distant, forced myself to be polite and said nothing about her to others, just kept a tight-lipped smile. And slowly everyone is learning about her for themselves. And my nose is clean.

It is very hard but play the long game as the better person and the truth will out.

If you do have anything to do with her in the future, don't tell her anything about yourself and don't meet her at your house. That way, she'll know nothing about you to spread about unkindly.