to feel a bit weird about this

[BatCave]

I'm not sure how I feel actually so just want opinions really.

DD (almost 2) stays over at MIL and sFIL once every month or so. This morning my DH phoned and they said she'd woken at 3 and they'd taken her into bed with them and she'd slept the rest of the night in bed with them.

I just don't know, I've no reason not to trust stepFIL but for some reason it makes me uneasy. Am I being silly?

you are being silly and well odd imo

you are being silly

yes youre being silly, unless you really dont trust him for other reasons, in which case you wouldnt be letting your dc stay

I don't think it's anything to worry about. I understand why you might feel like that though. Is there anything that he has done in the past to make you feel like this? Maybe in the back of your mind?

I remember as a child staying at my grandparents and getting into bed with them when we woke in the morning...unless you have other reasons for not trusting him YABVVVVVVVU

Thank you I was hoping I was. Need a massive slap. Blimey, I can be an idiot sometimes.

i think yanbu, i am not happy with people keeping or encouraging my dc to go in their bed & i have actually distanced relatives who kept doing it, as just not comfy with it. you cant help the way you feel. it's good they told you so you will have the chance to say youre not happy with it, but they may say "we wont have her then" so its up to you how strong you feel. personally i wouldnt send my dc if they do that so wouldnt be bothered. under 2 is really small, cant they just see her in day time why do they even need the overnight?

Silly

If you don't trust him, don't let your child stay with them.
But I think you are being overly suspicious of a loving set of grandparents for no good reason, do you trust your MIL? She was there too.
It's very sad that you feel uneasy about a man comforting your restless child, would you rather they'd phoned you to come and collect?

Um, there's other members of his family, without going into detail, that I wouldn't trust to be in the same room as my DD, even supervised. Maybe that's wha'ts in the back of my mind. But sFIL himself is OK. A bit rough around the edges but still OK.

We can't possibly know, I mean you might have good reason to feel uneasy about it, or you might not. The fact is you do and I'd go with that and try gently to cut down the overnight visits if it is worrying you.

Instincts are sometimes worth listening to. However I'd think it unlikely anything happened if your MIL was in the same bed.

I can't imagine getting into bed with either set of my grandparents when I was small. But all relationships are different and complicated and seriously, it's something we cannot advise you on without knowing these people.

You wouldn't leave DD in their care if you had any misgivings would you?

I think it's lovely that the welfare of your DD obviously comes before their own and they're not marching her back to her own bed.

Enjoy your lie in when you can. I've been up with DS since 5.50 this morning

I think it's good that you've listened to the responses and had a rethink OP :). FWIW I think the fact that they bring DD into bed with them when she wakes up in distress makes them better grandparents then ones who would force an unsettled child to stay in her own bed.

Oh give it a rest

YANBU it's your instincts and ignore all the twats on here who say "Oooh that's right...PEADO panic!!"

because they're naive and also too quick to judge.

You do as YOU see fit...you are the Mother and know best.

Crossed posts

Don't you monitor the people your DC (if you have them) have contact with then StrandedBear?

Or do you just come out with that line if something that doesn't feel right crosses your mind?

You'd be doing your DC a disservice if you do, it's up to parents to keep a check on who their children see and what they do with them.

YANBU to question if it's OK OP, but like other posters have said only you can weigh this up in real life.

If she is not quite small would it be possible for one of them to "forget" she is in bed and smother her ... That would be my concern.

Just because you think someone capable of doing you a favour doesn't mean they couldn't and wouldn't step over any boundaries Stranded.

Making a decision about whether I'd leave my DCs with a person wouldn't be the end of my monitoring process of whether my DCs were OK, that's an ongoing thing that's always getting updated when new information is given.

Staying over at the house and what you think this might entail is different to being told your DC is getting into bed with someone you're not 100% about. Although I can understand why the OP is doing it, I disagree with her judging her SFil on how his family members act, if that was the case I'd be fucked

I think these GPs sound all right. What gets me is how parents allow their children to have sleepovers at their friends houses. Do they know anything about the parents? Enough to trust them? Just suppose .........

My parents were suspicious. When I was 14, I persuaded after lots of argument them to allow a schoolfriend (all girls' school) to come and stay the night. We had only a small place so she had to share my single bed. They never said why they objected. Only when I became aware of 'other things' in life did I realise why they were suspicious!!

I appreciate your replies, it puts things into perspective for me. As I said, there was no suspicion and I trust him, otherwise of course I wouldn't let her stay. And on that principle I'm not 'judging' sfil on family members behaviour. I simply responded to a question someone asked about whether there could be an underlying cause to the niggle in my mind.

In retrospect, yeah I probably was being a bit silly (I'm pregnant, hormonal and ill - not an excuse but my emotions are all over the place). For some reason it just sparked a bit of uncomfort in my mind, which was probably unfair. Hence why I posted because I had an inkling it WAS unfair, and knew I'd get some sensible opinions.