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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel slightly gutted that my 4 year old called me Mummy-Fat-Tummy tonight?

48 replies

FaresPlease · 10/03/2012 21:03

There's no denying that I have a fat tummy (which has accommodated 3 children thus far!!), but until now the kids were the only ones who didn't care what I looked like, loved me unconditionally, didn't even know the difference between fat and thin.......or so I thought!! Anyone had a similar experience?!

OP posts:

treetrunkthighs · 11/03/2012 07:24

myheartbelongstokermit

elinorbellowed · 11/03/2012 07:34

DS had a phase of plunging his little fists (gently) into my post-c-section tummy and saying "Mummy, your tummy is like dough!) Torn between shame at being out of shape and pride that I am such a domestic goddess my son can recognise the kneading of dough.

I've been careful to avoid judgements around size to promote positive body image. However, a boy in DS's class has been calling people 'Fatty' and been told off about it. So I had a conversation about there being nothing wrong with being fat, but it's rude to make personal comments.

DedalusDigglesPocketWatch · 11/03/2012 08:05

DD (4yrs) likes to stick her hands up my shirt and wobble my tummy, she says "mummy, you have a jelly tummy, but that is because you have had two babies in there, and that makes it stretchy and wobbly" I explained it was all the doing of her and her brother and she thinks it is fascinating (at the moment anyway..... :o)

MrFunnytheEasterBunny · 11/03/2012 08:09

Haaaaa I have just cried laughing at these.

My DS (4) told me my tummy was like jelly, he absolutely did not mean to upset me, it was just a fact as he saw it! Then he proceeded to wobble it to demonstrate the jelliness of it!

We have talked about the fact that people might be upset if you called them fat, even if they are, so it would be infer to say round if he felt he had to talk about their shape, which he does. It didn't stop the jelly comment though!

He also told my mum, who has been on huge doses of steroids for the last three years, that she had a fat face and my dad has a thin face! She just said, yes darling that's right, that's because of granny's tablets to stop her being poorly. He was fine with it, and again, he was just stating a fact, he didn't mean to be hurtful!

MrFunnytheEasterBunny · 11/03/2012 08:10

X posts dedalus , kids are all the same really!

Goawaybob · 11/03/2012 08:13

Peppermint - yes it was . My DD then proceeded to sob when we had to leave and told the poor girl doing the study that she "really loved her" The girl was pretty and slim! She was mortified bless her and said she never had a child cry when it was time to go - my DD does this ALL the time.

BalloonSlayer · 11/03/2012 08:18

"A couple of years back I was in hospital, seriously ill for ten days. I managed to grow myself a lovely moustache, and massive Noel Gallagher eyebrows, which DD found hilarious and asked if I'd grow a beard to go with them."

Netto I have long ago asked my Mum and my DH that if ever I am incapacitated in hospital they will shave my tache for me so that I don't come to looking like Lord Kitchener. Might be time for a reminder.

Hope you're better now BTW

Bossybritches22 · 11/03/2012 08:20

I agree-CaoNiMa we didn't allow the word fat in our house, having 2 DD's & being a life long bigger- than-I- would- like- person.

I hate the way girls are brainwashed from an early age to be concious of body image.

If you teach them early to think of food as healthy/unhealthy rather than good or bad, and people as larger or smaller rather than "Fat pigs" vs "Nicer people" then they'll grow up with a more positive outlook on life.

I'd be MORTIFIED if a child of mine called me a pig or fat, they may not know the implications at that age but they've learnt it from somewhere and if it becomes acceptable they will soon learn to use it as a schoolground jibe.

Goawaybob · 11/03/2012 10:43

But thats the thing though Bossy, we are a "we dont call people fat" household but DD still chose the skinny girls to be her friend. :(

Bossybritches22 · 11/03/2012 18:28

External influences obviously overcome home ones I expect gowaway as the researcher told you, typical of that age group which is so sad.

But we are all guilty of it, blowing rapberries on a gorgeous little baby belly & saying "look at that fat tummy"

Looking at ourselves in the mirror & grimacing & saying "god I'm fat" etc etc

No wonder the kids grow up with mixed messages!

Goawaybob · 11/03/2012 19:26

I think you are right bossy, although having been thinking about this, it is not healthy to be fat (i say this as a size 22 woman!) and maybe children have an inbuilt health barometer? I also wondered if they took into account that maybe the children chose the children that looked most like themselves? Saying that, my child was negative about the big girl in every aspect of the test.

diddl · 11/03/2012 19:29

Are you sure that it bothers her?

Bossybritches22 · 11/03/2012 19:39

Not sure I get you, no its not healthy to be fat we all know that, but its better to talk about and follow a healthy lifestyle, including the children in family activities.

Good that your girl knew it was unhealthy to be fat but it's the language and attitude to it that is more destructive.

Children need to know its not Ok to be overweight, but that people are overweight for different reasons sometimes health, sometimes bad lifestyle choices and it doesn't make them a bad person.

Goawaybob · 11/03/2012 19:58

I didn't explain myself very well. What i was trying badly to say is, the researcher told me that most of the children in the study discriminated negatively towards the bigger child. Whilst i actually agree with you bossy that it is most likely picked up from parents and peers, media etc, i just wondered if there was a biological aspect to it. So because it is unhealthy to be fat, maybe children instinctively know this? It is a bit of a crap theory really. Another theory i have is that at 6, most of the girls and boys are not fat and children tend not to be attracted to those who are different. Just thinking out loud really.

Im not sure why my DD chose not to want to be friends withthe bigger girl, i didn't question her about it. I have quite a positive body image too, despite being a big girl so was convinced that my DD would choose the bigger girl to be her friend, like her mum :)

KateSpade · 11/03/2012 20:31

Oh, OP, i feel for you i really do.

Yesterday i was in a really busy city shopping, and a boy said to me 'oh, you've had too many Mcdonalds'.. mortified.. i wasn't even eating anything at the time.

I was honestly going to start a thread like this... I'm so gutted.

We need a packet of biscuits...

neolara · 11/03/2012 20:33

"Mummy, you are the odd one out. Me and Daddy are fit. And you are fat". Thanks darling.

Calamityboo · 11/03/2012 20:38

My elderly next door neighbour patted my tum earlier and asked if I was expecting. I wouldnt mind, but I go to the gym loads, and watch what i eat, and have lost weight.

KateSpade · 11/03/2012 20:45

Oh, i have another one,

i'm going to sound like a right fat monster now, but I'm not even that fat, granted I'm a size 14 now but I've just had a baby.

My Darling grandma, grabbed my arm and said, oh my lord your getting so fat, but those crisps down you chubby little thing again!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 11/03/2012 20:50

I would firmly have told off any child who of mine who made personal comments like that. And I certainly would not have let any child put their hand up my shirt and wobble my tummy.

Pusheed · 12/03/2012 10:59

My kids joke about my waistline. So do my sisters and my nieces. I don't have a thing about my weight and I know that it is a joke from people that I love and who love me.

If you are that sensitive about your weight such that a comment from your 4 yr old is enough for you to rush to post on AIBU then why not try to do something about it?

BupcakesandCunting · 12/03/2012 11:04

"Mommy I think you should really probably go back to Fat Watchers because you've eaten so very much this weekend"

tryingtoleave · 12/03/2012 11:16

Where do children get it from? My ds has grown up on a diet of abc children's tv (pfb), hardly any overweight people around, no one discussing it but once he turned five he started pointing out fat people. I told him that it was wrong to talk about people's appearance (I think that telling children it is bad to call people fat just reinforces the idea that there is something shameful about fatness) unless it was to compliment them. But why? I thought maybe it was because it was unusual - a little less so where we are living now than before. But if children who don't find it unusual also point it out, then there must be some other reason...

AlexTasha · 12/03/2012 14:08

Oooooo. This thread is quite funny. I remember when I was little I used to poke the flap of skin under my mum's jawline and say 'gobble gobble turkey neck!'. She used to hate it, but I found it so funny. I was never trying to be mean, it was just an observation.

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