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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Party invite dilemma

19 replies

wonderstuff · 10/03/2012 13:47

DD has been invited to two parties - both at the same time - we accepted the first, but now she really wants to go t the other one, she's 4 - would it be awful to decline the one we have already said yes to? Both are local and taking place in halls, so large affairs. The one we said yes to first is a younger child we are friends with, the one she wants to go to is a child she is 'best friends' with at preschool..

OP posts:

JustHecate · 10/03/2012 13:48

can she go to one for an hour and then the other for an hour?

fluffiphlox · 10/03/2012 13:50

If these were invitations between adults it would be good manners to have to politely decline the second invitation because you had accepted the first.
From a manners point of view, I'm not sure children's invitations are any different. (BTW, she may be 'best friends' this week, but maybe not next?)

Original poster

wonderstuff · 10/03/2012 13:50

I did think about that - I might ask the mums if thats OK. She would love to go to both, sods law they are on at exactly the same time.

OP posts:

bobbledunk · 10/03/2012 14:24

Go to both if possible

SydSaid · 10/03/2012 14:28

How will your daughter be if she goes to party 1 and misses out on party 2? Will she be okay with it, or is she likely to be hacked off that she has missed the party she really wanted to go to?

As a mum, I would understand if an initial yes turned into a no because a best friends party was on at the same time.

RuleBritannia · 10/03/2012 14:31

There is one rule and one rule only as far as etiquette is concerned.

If you accept one invitation, you should stick with it and decline another for the same day/time. You have accepted the first and that's the end of it.

DodieSmith · 10/03/2012 14:33

You know it would be rude to ditch the first party.

Floggingmolly · 10/03/2012 14:47

It would be very rude. Your acceptance wasn't conditional on your having nothing better to do on the day! Why don't you say that next time, "Well, maybe, but only if I don't get a better offer in the meantime". See how many invites you get then. Honestly!

sue52 · 10/03/2012 14:50

To drop the first in favour of the second would be unpardonably rude and the wrong message to give to you DD.

HomeEcoGnomist · 10/03/2012 14:56

We had exactly this situation a couple of months ago. We went to the first one we accepted. If I were throwing a party for DS (or anyone actually) I'd be pretty pissed off if people didn't turn up because they got a better offer later on!

EdithWeston · 10/03/2012 15:17

I think you have to stick to the acceptance you have already made.

It is OK to turn down a party because you have a prior engagement. It is horrible to pull out from one you have already accepted. And as both parties are local, then the chances of people finding out that you did the dirty are quite high.

fivegomadindorset · 10/03/2012 15:27

Yes you are and rude and giving your daughter the wrong message.

TheCatInTheHairnet · 10/03/2012 15:31

If they're close to each other, I don't think it's a bad thing to do an hour at one and an hour at the other. I know I did that once as a child, and my mum is the most well mannered person I know!

stealthsquiggle · 10/03/2012 15:43

First one is a family friend then, in effect?

In that case, I would contact the mother of that one and explain that DD really really wants to go to her best friend's party and is it OK if you cut and run after an hour - and then, assuming she is OK with it, contact best friend's mother and ask if she is OK with your DD arriving late.

If it were 2 school friends it would be different, IMO.

Bunbaker · 10/03/2012 15:47

I agree with stealth. When DD was in reception she got invited to loads of parties. She once went to 3 in one day!

TheEpilator · 10/03/2012 15:54

I think its a bit off to cancel the first one in favour of another. Imagine how you'd feel if it were your DDs party and someone blew her out for a better offer - if you think that's acceptable then fine, but do it sooner rather than later.

I made personalised gifts for the party bags for my DD's friends, so you need to let mum no.1 know so that she doesn't go to any trouble for your DD.

WeAllGoALittleCrazySometimes · 10/03/2012 16:28

I had a birthday party in my last year of primary school. It was on the same day as a girl's party in the year below. Everybody had already said yes and only a few of the parents would allow their child to drop the first invite and come to mine, although nobody in our year knew this other girl very well. I had five people at my party, despite inviting about 40. I was devastated, as were my parents who had already bought the large hall expecting lots of children.

I know this situation is different but I would say that you should try to go to the other girl's party for a while at least.

exoticfruits · 10/03/2012 16:44

You have no choice as far as I can see. You accepted the first, so you can hardly decline because something better turned up! She is very young-if she is still best friends next year you will at least know when to expect an invitation.

Original poster

wonderstuff · 10/03/2012 16:50

Thanks all - think I will try to do some time at both, luckily I know both mums well. Actually at dd's last party we had 4 children cancel the day before - was a small at home thing and was a bit of a nightmare!

OP posts:

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