To ask those of you with a big age gap how it works?

[DeathBeforeDecaf]

There are 7 years between me and DH so not a lot but I'm curious about those of you with larger gaps. I'm just being nosy here.

Are there any glaring differences between your personalities that relfect the different decades you were born in? For example, attitudes to certain things? Interests? Do you feel that having those differences add a richness to your relationship or can it have the opposite affect?

Often when i speak to friends in realtionships with a 10 year plus gap they say that the biggest problem can be outward perceptions. Has this been an issue for you too?

DP is 12 years younger than me. I rarely notice the difference, although sometimes perhaps I should make more allowances for his immaturity with things like sulking!
I am 38, he is 27 next month, but have never had any trouble with people's perceptions. MIL was difficult at first, but we are the best of friends now.

The main difference is when we talk about a particular time in our lives. Eg in the nineties I was a staunch clubber and a dancer in a famous nightclub. DP was a cub scout at the time!

I am 48, my DH is 64. The age gap has never been an issue on a day to day basis, but he has certainly "lived" more than me IFKWIM. He had children and I didnt, for example. I was widowed and DHs ex left him for his best friend (a vicar !), so it took a few years to get him to trust again. But, that would have been the case however old/young I was.
The only time when the age difference is an issue is he tires more easily and is er...not so frisky as me !

Dh is 12 years younger than me. Don't notice it often, but occasionally I'll say, "Oh, I bought that as a single when it came out in 1973" and then realise that he was three!
What I find particularly frustrating is the fact that at nearly 41, he has more grey than me but still manages to look 28. I have a very rude reply for when people assume he's my son, and it doesn't begin with F!

DP is 11 years younger than me. I'm 42 and he's 31. Thankfully the old cliche ' age is just a number' is true for us. He is very easygoing and sunny and we rarely argue. Probably about 10 times in our 5 years.
We have a lot of laughs and love the same music. We're both quite easily pleased so maybe that's something to do with it. I think if youre compatible with someone then age is irrelevant.
We're having a baby in summer so that's really sealed the deal !!

14 year gap here (DP older). I don't really notice the gap as we were brought up with similar values and share a similar world view. Also we met as students, he was retraining as a mature student so we qualified together and are at the same point in our careers. Sounds superficial but I also don't mind the gap as he doesn't look significantly older, he's very fit and looks better than most men my age (27).

The only time I notce the gap is in positive things like he's not at all jealous or posessive (which I believe has to do with him being too long in the tooth for that nonsense). Also his attitude towards porn and 'raunch' culture is different to men my own age who were brought up on readily available demeaning internet porn - I notice that the sexual expectations of men who are 35+ are much more abput mutual pleasure whereas men who are younger are more into domination and humiliation eg coming in your face and bum sex etc.

DH is 13 years older than me. We got together when I was 24 and he was 37. He lied and told me he was 31 on our first date, but 'fessed up on our second date, and I liked him so much by then that it didn't matter. We've been together 11 years, happily married, 2 kids. I don't notice the age gap, really, and I don't think he does, either. It was never a 'sleazy old man and his dolly bird' situation - we met through workig in the same industry and having the same passions, hit it off, and age didnt come in to it.

The things that occasionally remind me we are almost a generation apart are:

Music - he was born int he sixties, a teen in the late 70s/early 80s, and heavily into ska and reggae and a bit of punk. I was a baby, then, so have learned all the music through him (love it now, though!).

TV - he remembers 70s sitcoms from before I was born

Parties / events - his friends are all long married (or divorced!) & have teenage or 20-something kids etc - while mine are all at the baby stage.

None of this matters, though.

10 years. Almost no problems. We grew up with different music and TV, that's about it.

As for outward perceptions, I couldn't give two fucks.

DH is 13 years older than me.
It just doesn't factor into anything really at all.

Not sure why itshould or would?

20 years difference

DP is older athough acts about 20 years younger. You really wouldn't know from looking at him he was such an old timer and I happen to be old before my time and 3DC mean I look much, much older so we meet in the middle.

He's a really out going, does lots of sports and takes care of himself. So our age gap looks alot less than it actually is. Friends and family don't notice at all.

Prior to DC We got an very occasional look but very minor. Only time it bothers me is when we buy a car/holiday/expensive item and people look at me like a gold digger. But if I was I would have picked a DP with more money. But generally I find people very accepting of our family and feel alot can be solved with a smile and engaging with those people.

Lots of really great stories here ladies :)

Dh is 23 years older than me. Hes just turned 62 and im 39 this year. Our marriage has been sexless for 16 years. For the first ten of those years he didnt want it and for the past six hes been unable to due to disabilities.
I was only 23 when we stopped.
In 2003 i hit 30 and lost ten stone. I asked him to go to counselling but he refused and i began a long term affair. The affair ended just over 4 years ago.
My husband and i are like best friends/brothersister/flatmates and think a lot of each other but there is nothing sexual there any more.
I love him but im not in love with him.

There was 9 years between me and my exh. It did make a difference in our case as he was old before his time, never wanted to go out any more, it was a drag in the end. But I guess it just wasn't meant to be. When we met I was 20 and he 29 so were on the same page, but it changed within 5 years.

Carernotasaint, that's really sad. I feel for you. I guess this could have been the case if you were closer in age, but do you think the age gap is the reason behind this?
Do you plan to stay with him for life now, despite your feelings?

Hi Jude he has said to me to do whatever i need to do.
Im currently trying to lose weight again as i comfort ate after the affair ended.
Im just concentrating on losing the weight at the moment and then i will give things a little more thought after that.
The bloke i had the affair with was 17 years older than me. And ive been talking online recently to a bloke but i found out tonight that hes also older and not in good health either.
We have not discussed meeting up or anything and i wouldnt put myself in danger but as hes older as well i really dont think i could go through this again.

28 years here

The only time it has become an issue

• trying to talk about music/politics etc. I can't sit and reminisce with DH about the when the Beatles were all new and exciting
• hospital appointments. Unless pregnancy-related, staff always assume that they're for DH not me
• 'Oh I used to work with a MrBreastmilk. Lovely chap. Are you his daughter?'

But I do worry about the DCs. Although he's extremely fit, DH became a father to them very much later than most me. And despite the age gap, DH is in much better health than me.

I worry that neither of us will live to see them fully into adulthood.