to ram a packet of Benson and Hedges up my sisters arse and tell her she can never look after her niece again?

[BalloonTwister]

Bit of background so as not to drip feed, sorry it's soo long: Dsis, partner and DN x 2 live with our parents after falling behind with their mortagage payments. They moved in at Christmas. I live in a different county with DP and DD 8mo.

Until I fell pregnant we were all quite heavy smokers . I gave up first, but parents, who both smoked for 40 years, have found it really hard, but haven't had a single fag since Boxing Day as DNs are in the house. I am very proud of them, especially DM who was smoking 30 a day. (Despite contracting breast cancer twice! :(

Yesterday was Dad's birthday, so drove over, picked up Mum and Dad, went to a restaurant for lunch. Dsis followed in her car so she could pick up the DN's if it over ran. In the restaurant Dad runs into an old friend, who has got the bus. It was agreed that Dsis would take my DD with her to the school, I would drop the friend home and we would all meet at parents house.

I was in a hurry to get home, so said goodbye to parents, and when Dsis pulled up I just grabbed the car seat and was about to go. And then I smelled the smoke. Lots of smoke, in the car with DD and DN's. I was so shocked I said something inane like "I thought you'd given up?" and her reply was "I only smoke in the car" I asked if my parents knew this and she replied "no, and lets face it, if you tell them they'll probably start again....do you want that on your conscience?". Sadly, she is probably right.

So, tomorrow I, DP and DD are supposed to be going over there for dinner. I am fuming, DP is less than impressed, and I don't think I can sit round the table and pretend it's all ok. Do I upset DM and not go, giving her some crap excuse as to why not, or go and drop her in it round the dinner table, and ask why the hell she thought it was ok to subject my child, and hers, to her smoke in the confines of a small car??? Grrrrrr. I could put my hands around her bloody throat just thinking about it!!!

You do most definately need to calm down.

From your sis POV, she managed to quit with no support from your parents, but at least now has the respect to pretend that she has stopped, because she knows the risks of smoking.

You cannot really go overboard at her being selfish, without making your parents feel guilty, they smoked around you both whilst growing up and,as you said,your mum continued whilst having cancer. So it needs careful handling, so not to upset each other.

She sounds caught up in the addiction at present and as others have said that could be because she has been through a bad time and needs an emotional crutch.

She isn't responsible for your parents, if they start smoking again and it is a shame that either of you feel as though you are.

All you can do is have a heart to heart with her and not let her drive your child anywhere again.

I think you need to get a grip.

I loathe smoking. I would ban it completely. I wouldn't want to spend time with smokers, but

Your DD has spent a small amount of time with your Dsis in her car around cigarette smoke. Not good - I would hate it but she is hardly going to drop down dead because of it, is she?
You know now that you can't let your child travel in your sisters car. Knowledge is power.
Tell your sister how you feel and move on.
It is an addiction. There is nothing to be gained from telling the parents.

Actually Birds I do think she has some responsibility to their parents as she is living with them and they are helping her out

I thought it was illegal to smoke in a car with children? I'm sure this has been on the news.

Why not go to the meal and say that she must surely know it's not on smoke near a child?

Why did you all gave up when YOU had a dc but presumably didn't care enough to do it for her dc?

Bit hypocritical...

You are massively over-reacting. She is an adult: it is none of your or your parents' business (and certainly not your dp's) if she chooses to smoke, not even if she chooses to do it in front of her own children. If it matters so much to you, then don't let your dd go in her car again. Othersie, you need to calm down and keep your nose out imho.

Would you really consider missing out on time with your family because of this? I'm sorry but I think that is absolutely bonkers, as are all your 'selfish little bitch' comments.

otherwis not othersie.

Oh and if your parents start smoking again that is THEIR decision - they are adults. Don't try and blame everything on your sister (tbh I suspect there are other issues here: you don't seem to like her much).

Bronze- she isn't responsible for them starting to smoke again, they chose to smoke before she was born, influenced her choice and after she gave up for six months, probably being around them started her habit again. She shouldn't smoke in their house, but thats where it ends.

I shouldn't imagine that it is easy topackin smoking when you have become homeless.

If she wants to smoke again she will....I can't understand why everyone had to give up because you had kids?

i think that you should make it plain to your sister that you do not want her smoking around dd, though the moment for that may have passed.

I would just not let her take dd anywhere in the car and if anyone queries it, just tell them that you can not trust her to not smoke whilst your dd is in the car as she has already done that once. don't cover for her, butdon't go out of your way to stir up trouble.

I smoke. My DD doesn't.
I have a big problem with "birds".
Holier than than thou with knobs on.