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AIBU?

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Original poster

No not give a present..

20 replies

ginger19 · 09/03/2012 10:38

at ds school there is this gross fad of giving money instead of a birthday present.so, £ 10 per child. Parties are class events, whole class turns up and deposit the money. On ds birthday , the few that didn't make it sent in money and a card the next day.....we missed a party . My question is......when your child misses a party of a child that you barely know do you still send a gift?

I sort of think I shouldn't need to.
What do you think

OP posts:
wineandroses · 09/03/2012 10:43

I would only send a present if the child was a particular friend of my child. If they barely know each other then I wouldn't bother. I've not come across the money-instead-of-present fad for childrent yet - that's not nice at all!

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2012 10:44

No and I've never heard of that sort of thing to be honest?

It all sounds so...I don't know...'clinical'? Confused

mojitomania · 09/03/2012 10:45

No of course not, how silly.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 09/03/2012 10:45

If you didn't got to the party I would not bother with a present. And all giving money instead of presents sounds awful.

Mumof1plustwins · 09/03/2012 10:47

Never heard of money instead of a present for kids either! Yuk

DH reckons even if you can't go you still give a gift because you were invited.

FlossieTeacakeShouldFakeIt · 09/03/2012 10:48

I wouldn't, I've never heard of anything like this before. Apart from once when two year 6 parents held a quite expensive joint birthday party as a kind of leavers party too, and then we gave a fiver each in a card and some sweets.

I wouldn't give anything for a party my dc didn't go to, unless it was one of their closest friends.

fallenpetal · 09/03/2012 10:48

£10 !!!

£5 is way more than enough! Good grief!

And no, I wouldnt give a gift if party missed unless best of best friends

imnotmymum · 09/03/2012 10:51

No way to give a present and my kids would hate money where is the fun of unwrapping !! What are the parents doing putting it in his uni fund !! and £10 I try and get away with a couple of quid pressie if I can [thank god anonymous I am such a cheapskate !!]

savoycabbage · 09/03/2012 10:52

This sounds similar to weddings in the Chinese side of my family where everybody you have ever met, and many you have never met, is invited to your wedding, and you give them a red envelope with money in to roughly cover the cost.

That way you get to go to a lot of social events but you are not paying thirty grand when it's your turn to host.

Not that I think it should be transferred to children's birthday parties!

DramaInPyjamas · 09/03/2012 10:52

No unless it was a best friend.

I put £5 in a Birthday card whenever my DC go to parties, only because I hate buying presents for children other than my own. I never know what to get.

lynniep · 09/03/2012 10:55

Thats WIERD.
As far as I'm concerned for party process it goes like this: I stock up on presents for little girls and boys all under a fiver. DS1 (just 5, so a lot of 5th birthday parties at the mo) is invited to a party. we accept (or not - end of). We choose a present for the child from the stash ( or if its a special friend they get two or we go buy something worth a tenner ) I wrap it, he does card. We go to party and give child present. We appreciate a thank you card specifically referencing said present, but to be honest dont really notice if one is not forthcoming. Because folk are busy. End of. If we dont go to the party and the parents have specifically paid for DS's place, I might send DS to school with a present anyway. If its a free for all party, I wouldnt.
No WAY would I give money for some random child. No WAY would I give £10 for a random child.

megapixels · 09/03/2012 11:02

I send in a present if it's a particularly close friend, or I've RSVPed that we could come and for some last minute reason couldn't make it. Not that we make a habit of the latter by the way, but it has happened twice and so sent in the gift that we'd already bought for the child.

Money for children's parties is madness. So for a 5th birthday the birthday child ends up with £300 for a whole class invite! Nonsense.

Thetokengirl · 09/03/2012 11:04

DS1 got given a combination of money and Game gift cards from the boys he had for his birthday sleepover (10yo). All to the value of £10. I thought it was a good idea as he then could club it together to get a game for his ps3, rather than being given presents of a lesser value which he didn't want. I have now reciprocated in the same way (with argos gift cards) when he has been invited to their birthday's.
With younger sibling's that have been invited to parties, I buy lego .

Unless it is a close friend, I would not give a present to a child whose party they were invited to but didn't attend. If it' a pay per head type of party, then I would give enough notice that they would know not to include my child. The only exception to this was a party DS2 was due to go to but he ended up being ill, so he couldn't go and I had already bought and wrapped the present, so that was taken into nursery the next time he was in.

Catsdontcare · 09/03/2012 11:07

I don't particularly have an issue with money although I think five pounds is enough. I would only send gift if it was a close friend though

chrisrobin · 09/03/2012 11:10

I wouldn't give money to a school friend but I do send in a present if we can't attend a Birthday party just as I would to an adult party if we had been invited but couldn't attend. I also used to send party bags into school for the children who couldn't attend DS's parties- I stopped this year due to the lack of RSVP from the missing children and the influx of uninvited siblings who demanded a party bag at the end (hence didn't have any left).

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/03/2012 11:13

If it was a close friend we saw outside of school on a regular basis then yes I would still get a present but otherwise no. :)

tigercametotea · 09/03/2012 11:28

Regarding money as gifts, my daughter got a present in the form of a £10 note and a card from one of her friend's mums before. She wasn't well-off so I thought the present was quite generous. But yes admit it was unusual to have received a present like this rather than one you unwrap, etc. I didn't have a problem with it, just glad her daughter turned up for the party. And they weren't very close friends either, no.

porcamiseria · 09/03/2012 12:40

fuck that, no party, no gift

parachutesarefab · 09/03/2012 12:55

To me, birthday invite = birthday present, whether you can go or not. The present is because it is the child's birthday, not an exchange for the party - I similarly wouldn't spend more on a present for a more expensive party. My kids make a card and choose and wrap the present, even if they can't go.

Vouchers or cash are nice for older children (or voucher and small gift, so it isn't completely transparent how much has been spent), but definitley an unwrappable present for younger ones.

Original poster
ginger19 · 11/03/2012 10:12

thanks all ! Interesting...Am sticking with no present!

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