To leave everything to my sister

[madasa]

Hi
I am so tired of everything I'm not sure I'm thinking straight so could use some different perspectives before I fall out with my sister whom I love very much.

I'll try to keep it brief. My dad who I adored died 4 months ago. We have had the horrendous task of clearing his house and garage which is almost done and we have sold his car.

The house is like a millstone round my neck...I don't mean that unkindly but it breaks my heart every time I have to go there and my dear dad is not there to greet me.

It is on the market although we have not had many viewers (I personally think it may be overpriced) We have two couples coming to view on Saturday.

Talking to my sister last night she said it would be good to sell but not if they offer a 'silly price'. When asked what she thought was a 'silly price' she quoted a figure just 3k below the asking price! I did tell her that I thought she was unrealistic and that 3k below or even more below was reasonable especially in this economic climate. In fact the estate agent had marketed at one price with a view to getting 6k below that.

I am aware that there are emotions tied up with this and that in her eyes my dad's house is priceless. I just want the house gone and she said she did too.

So if she refuses to accept what I would think is a perfectly reasonable offer, would I be unreasonable to:

a) Just tell her to get on with it and tell me when it's sold
b) Give her the shortfall out of my share
c) Just tell her to take the house and do what she likes with it

I'm sorry...that was not brief!

Any other perspectives/suggestions gratefully received...I am very wobbly atm and don't want to do or say something I might regret.

Thank you

Thank you Euphemia
I did think of trying to dig out the letter from the estate agent for her to look at (she did get one too I'm sure)
I love her to bits but she can be sooo stubborn. I did think of perhaps asking my DP to have a chat with her. She adores him and he has a good way with words.
I think atm I need to keep my mouth firmly zipped as I feel so uptight. (Have already sent long overdue text telling 'friend' what I think of her lack of manners so am aware I may be a loose cannon)
We are so close and I would hate to fall out with her :(

Sorry about your Dad. If you let your sister deal with the estate agents then when an offer comes through they will probably advise her whether it's a sensible offer or not. Would she listen to them?

Hi Wem
When she gets her stubborn head on she doesn't listen to anyone!
I am hoping that if I just tell her that she will have to deal with it as we have such different views then she might see things differently. (I don't mean in an unkind way)
I think when an offer does come through I will have to tell the estate agent the situation and maybe they would have a way of sying it that would come across better.
I did actually think at first that she was joking when she said what she thought a 'silly price' was. Sadly not:(
Wish my dad was here.....he'd know what to do!

I think you should step back for a week or two. It will not make a huge difference and you need to take some time to think about something else.

I think you are right SlipperyNipple (love the name!)

I have a week off work next week. DP not off so have lots of time to myself to chill and sort my head out.

I too am sorry to hear about your loss.

Grief does funny things to people and it's such a sad thing that just when you feel least like it is when all these things have to be sorted. That feeling that your dad would know exactly what to do - so .

You sound as though you are a more temperate person than she is so I wouldn't back out of it. Rather than leaving it to her to do, would it not be better/easier for you to take sole charge of it instead? She might be being this stubborn as a way of avoiding dealing with it. I've known plenty of head in the sand people. "No, I'm not accepting x, y or z" who then go on to accept exactly that because their own position was untenable.

I agree with getting the estate agent to do it all. £3k less isn't anything like a 'silly price'. Most EA's increase the asking price to factor in accepting a lower offer.

You probably should take a step back for now, there is no point stressing about what might not happen.

You may not get an offer for months, you might get offers that you both think are too low, and you might get an offer that you can both agree on. Wait until you do get an offer and decide how to deal with it at the time depending on what the offer is. If you think it's acceptable, get the Estate Agent to talk to her and tell her that it is realistic and you are unlikely to get better. Get your dh to talk to her too if it would help, or just get everyone round the table with a cup of tea to decide the way forward with both your partners if she has one.

There really is no pint in worrying about a situation that you might not find yourself in. You don't have to decide now what you would do in every eventualty, just take it as it comes. And for now, release your self from the worry of it and allow yourself to feel how you want about your lovely Dad. And remember that whatever happens it is not worth falling out with you our sister over money, that's the last thing your dad would have wanted so make maintaining the relationship your priority.

So sorry for your loss

I think there's a lot to be said for putting her in charge of dealing with it - tell her you've been told by the estate agents they expect to sell it around X price, and have marketed it at Y price so people can feel they are getting a deal, not because they think it's work Y price. If she wants to go round and find another estate agent who can get Y price, then she's welcome to do all the work.

If she's still being difficult in a months time, look at renting.

YWBU to compensate your sister in any way financially because the house is worth less than she wants it to be.

It doesn't really matter what she thinks about "silly" prices until you have an offer to consider, although obviously if you can price the house competitively you are more likely to sell it.

Her stubbornness isn't going to make anyone offer more for the house than they think it is worth, so just ignore it as much as you can.

If there an offer to consider, then you and the estate agent can impress upon her that turning down offers won't magically mean someone will come along willing to pay what she wants.

If this becomes an ongoing problem with her refusing to sell when you would like to, you could ask that she buy you out of the house at its current value and do what she likes with it from there.

So sorry for your loss :(

Can someone show her the figures of how much money you lose every month that the house stays on the market (either mortgage or lose of interest). BTW I don't think we've ever bought a house and paid more than 10% off the asking price.
You could also suggest she needs to consider other issues, if they are a cash buyer that means you get the money quickly; if not you could accept but keep marketing until they are ready to proceed (this has happened to us).

I think maybe partly she doesn't want to sell, as she is upset over losing her Dad too. So it is hard.

Wait until you get an offer or until the house has been on the market for a while. Then sit down and have a conversation with her. Have some figures of how much it's costing to keep it on the market etc- as mummytime said. That might sway her to reduce the price or accept an offer. People often say they won't accept x or y but once an offer is actually on the table she will probably come round.
I'm sorry about you Dad- it must be a very hard time.

Thank you all so much for your comments...it really does help to get different perspectives.
We have thought of renting if we can't sell, but renting because she won't accept a reasonable offer is a bit I just feel that we'll then be in the same position when we put it back on the market.
I am going to print out these replies and do as advised and stand back for a while...then revisit it.
Thanks again

I'd ask your sister to talk to the estate agent, more than one if necessary. Point out to her that if you don't sell it within a reasonable time it could even drop in value - these things can't be taken for granted.

I would just leave her to it for a bit, even if it's only a couple of weeks. When you feel stronger you can decide how you want to play it.

Wouldn't renting your dad's house be rather stressful for you?

FilterCoffee...that's a good point about pointing out it could drop in value.

Levantine...I really don't want to rent the house out. It's a kind of last resort at the moment if we can't sell as we have to start paying council tax etc. so the rent would cover that

I think I need to give myself some headspace. I am off work next week so will try to get my head round it.

I thought that the main house buying season was Easter to, say, October. You want to sell the house and not own it over the winter as there are risks of burst pipes etc. So you have until, maybe, August before you need to start worrying, and if the property hasn't sold before mid-July then drop the price.

I hope that you and your sister are not showing would-be purchasers around as that puts buyers off imo. You can leave it to the estate agent then buyers are much less inhibited when viewing.

Just leave it all to the agents and don't think about again until July. If someone makes an offer discuss it in the company of the estate agent and DH so you get a more balanced view and advice.

Hi Angeleena
No we are not showing anyone round, the Estate Agent has keys and we just let them get on with it.

I think the advice about getting the estate agent to talk to her is good advice.

I really don't want to start paying bills etc. but 6 months worth of council tax/water etc. is not really going to amount to that much.

Will try not to stress about it til I need to!