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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

children excluded from a Fair Trade 'family' event because parents couldn't attend

40 replies

AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 00:07

Dds school held a Fair Trade craft type event this week. They sent out a news letter detailing the day/ date but no times about 3 weeks ago. Then about 1 week ago a letter was sent with a return slip to send in 'I am attending the event with my child'. I was working and due to my job could not change the hours (clinic in the morning to run and no other staff member to cover). Therefore, I didn't send the return as there were no other options to return.
I ensured dd knew that I couldn't attend and told her to enjoy it anyway.
I get her back home from the childminder in tears because not only was she upset that I could not go but that those children who had no parent there could not attend, more over and to add insult to injury, the children who could not attend had to do extra maths ...........instead of perhaps an enjoyable activity (as per dds perception, I appreciate some children like maths but she doesn't). She now feels punished for me not attending the event and said 'it is all your fault'.

Sooooo........ am I being unreasonable to be angry with school for discriminating in this way????? Hmm

OP posts:
startail · 09/03/2012 00:09

YANBU

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2012 00:10

YANBU

That's madness that they didn't make it clear the kids couldn't do it without an adult Confused

Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 00:11

PS the children who attended spent time making truffles, stamping cloth, making mothers day cards (which dd really wanted to make). To make matters worse the childminder had attended with her son and he had been understandably showing off his creations after school, which made things worse Sad

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 09/03/2012 00:11

What was the form of the event?

never heard of Fair Trade in schools. Was it selling? awareness? Activities? inschool time, after school?

Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 00:13

I think that is my point in that if they had made it clear that children could not go, I would have asked the childminder to take her Sad

OP posts:
FlossieTeacakeShouldFakeIt · 09/03/2012 00:14

They should have made it clear that children couldn't attend without a parent, but without knowing exactly what the event was like, it's hard to say if they were wrong to not let children attend without a parent. There must have been a reason for it.

Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 00:15

It was as described below! Craft activities in school time. Year groups at set times so the letter read yR,1,2 9-1030, y3.4 1030-12 etc and no mention that those without an adult were not allowed.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 00:17

Unfortunately children of age 6 don't always understand reasons, they just see their friends taking part in fun activities while they have to do maths.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 00:23

Oh and there were only 3 children out of the class who had to stay behind Sad

OP posts:
TotemPole · 09/03/2012 00:31

:( That's not very nice. If it was in school time. It can be a struggle for parents to get time off work.

Was it all on the school premises?

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 09/03/2012 00:34

that is bollocks, Anxious, i would be absolutely LIVID.

kenhallroad · 09/03/2012 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 00:42

Aitch I am LIVID! (thought it was only me who used that word lol)
Ken, that was exactly why am so mad, they should have had a fun activity rather than normal class work.
I could have understood the choice but dd was at level 1b in autumn yr1 so really doesn't need extra maths tuition Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 00:43

Yes totem it was in school.

OP posts:
CreepyWeeBrackets · 09/03/2012 00:48

YADNBU. Utterly horrible, and yes, discriminatory. I would be livid too. Your poor DD.

Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 00:54

It isn't just that dd couldn't attend, but the fact that all children whose parents couldn't or didn't attend missed out. Schools should not discriminate because it is unfair to the children Sad. Like I said there were others who I also felt really sorry for. I couldn't speak to the head today because I had to work, but I will (have sent a letter).

OP posts:
Condensedmilk · 09/03/2012 01:32

Yanbu. How mean.

Surely the other parents could have supervised the other three children between them - I know I would have been happy to.

I'm really surprised they got that many parents there. There are very few SAHPs at my DCs school...

Let us know how they justify it.

kenhallroad · 09/03/2012 01:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kickassangel · 09/03/2012 02:02

I hate, hate, hate when schools assume that parents/grandparents can and will attend. It is discrimination & just plain mean towards the kids.

It doesn't even matter if they gave you notice (though lack of it makes it even worse).

I had started to have this 'discussion' with dd's school before we moved to the US, where things like this are far more flexible and inclusive. (both from pov of employers letting parents take a couple of hours off, and the schools making sure kids don't miss out).

I would gladly go into battle for you on this! But I feel a random stranger writing form the US might not have any effect.

The school can usually cope with x number of pupils. Just because there's a different activity going on, doesn't mean they can't cope without 100% parental attendance. The teacher could and should have taken those 3 kids in with them. They're not allowed to discriminate if parents can't afford to pay cash for an activity, why do they think it's OK to discriminate cos parents can't always afford to take time off work (which often costs money)?

And don't get me started on how this is just one more way that women are brow-beaten to fit into the patriarchy.

Your child has been singled out, left out & punished because of the school discriminating. How you react to that is your choice, but I was ready to go to governors/LEA over this issue until I learnt we were moving. Why don't they decide that all kids whose parents have brown eyes have to sit in a different corner? What about if the parents have brown skin, do they pick on those kids? Or kids whose parents are disabled, maybe they should be laughed at in assembly? No other form of discrimination is even close to being acceptable, so why do they think that this is?

btw, I'm sure that there should be laws about discrimination... oh, wait, yes, there are.

Mum2Luke · 09/03/2012 16:37

YANBU I'm a cm and am surprised yours did not offer take your child if she was taking her own son, I know I would have done.

Surely the school could have had an extra teacher to 'mind' ones with parents who work and who could not make it due to work committments instead of making them do extra work, how unfair is that. Hmm Sad

I think schools often forget sometimes not intentionally that some children are taken and picked up by cms so they assume the chidren cannot attend events such as this but I really think your cm could have taken her.

Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 16:40

Well, I briefly saw the teaching assistant this morning who said that about half of the class didn't go in. However, I have asked dd again if she meant 3 people out of her group or that there were 3 people left in the classroom and she maintains that it was 3 in the classroom Hmm. Not that that makes any difference. The fact still remains that the children left behind were left out Sad. The head has made no contact at all despite me leaving 2 phone numbers and an email address on the letter and the teacher who was working at the beginning of the week is not back until Monday as they have two part time teachers. I didn't feel it was appropriate to discuss it with the teacher today as she wasn't there.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 16:43

Mum2luke, she would have done but unfortunately because school didn't say that they couldn't attend without a parent I didn't ask her. Although as an ex childminder I would have questioned why my mindee was not in the activities with a teacher and asked to take her in tbh.

OP posts:
The5thFishy · 09/03/2012 16:44

That's got to be against their inclusion policy

Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 09/03/2012 16:45

I think it must be against it because it certainly wasn't inclusive.

OP posts:
quirrelquarrel · 09/03/2012 16:46

Oh, it's a red tape slip up, hardly "horrible and discriminatory"...who are they supposed to be discriminating against, wage-earning parents? Hmm
It's certainly not pleasant for your DD, but no child was ever scarred from going through this kind of unpleasant mistake.