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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at myself for having a really messy house in front of parents in law!!

15 replies

professorsnape · 08/03/2012 21:24

PIL called unexpectedly today - usually when I get a warning I go mad tidying the house.

I have 3 DC, 4 year old plus 18 month old twins (who are not long walking so need to be followed around all the time, which is why I can't fold laundry, empty dishwashers, etc if choking/falling/hitting head hazards are the priority)

House was SERIOUSLY messy today - last night's dinner dishes on kitchen worktops, floor with crumbs on and unmopped, no vacuuming done, toy room floor covered in toys/ripped up paper from my DDs 'book' she was 'writing'. This is cause I flopped down on sofa to watch masterchef last night with glass of wine after amind-numbingly busy day.

Usually I keep on top of things, but typical, on a day like today I get caught Angry

I apologised for state of the place. MIL was really nice about it and said her house was v messy when kids were small, etc.

But part of me feels guilty about it, they think I'm a slob and that their DS is not married to a good wife, etc - he works long hours, I work part-time so it's prob more my 'job' to tidy up?

Do you think they judged me just a little bit?!

OP posts:
scarletforya · 08/03/2012 21:27

No. They probably felt relieved. I know I do when other peoples houses are messy.

If your MIL was nice and empathised with you then she obviously wasn't judging !

InSeine · 08/03/2012 21:30

I've had that happen (well, not with the PIL) because I usually have a mad clean and tidy if I know people are coming. People always comment on how clean and tidy it is but I always think 'if you'd see it this morning...'!

They might have judged you, but there is nothing you can do about it now. Just have it clean and tidy next time and they will just think normal service has resumed.

spatchcock · 08/03/2012 21:32

Your MIL sounded nice, take her at face value. Even someone with half a brain could guess that looking after three small children is a LOT of work. You're better off having fun with/watching your kids than cleaning.

armani · 08/03/2012 21:32

No. Your house sounds like mine! I had 3 under 3 and our house was just as you describe. Dp and I just about survived the days of 3 crying toddlers, let alone had time to mop the floor.
Give yourself a pat on the back for coping with 3 so young :)

squeakytoy · 08/03/2012 21:32

MIL was really nice about it and said her house was v messy when kids were small, etc.

She didnt come to inspect your house. She came to see you and the kids. Stop worrying, she is probably just happy that her grandchildren are happy.. :)

MarthasHarbour · 08/03/2012 21:32

Did she do the cats bum mouth whilst sympathising?

Also about this bit:...

they think I'm a slob and that their DS is not married to a good wife, etc - he works long hours, I work part-time so it's prob more my 'job' to tidy up?

Do you know this for a fact? Or are you just guessing this in your knackered state. I bet you are worrying over nothing, i hate it when people call unexpected, my house would be a tip too.

Pour yourself another glass of Wine and forget about it, i reckon she meant it about her house being a tip too when hers were little. I bet you are a brill wife and an even 'brill-er' mother

And you have toddler twins - nuff said Smile

handbagCrab · 08/03/2012 21:33

Awh op, why do you feel guilty? You shouldn't! Being a good wife isn't about keeping a show home and having tea on the table at 6pm!

If unexpected guests make you feel stressed about your home then perhaps they need to be encouraged to ring and see if it convenient before knocking on your door.

Midnightmoon · 08/03/2012 21:33

I don't think they did.
I know I feel better when other peoples houses are as messy as mine.
Your MIL was nice and from what you've said didn't sound like she was judging you

MarthasHarbour · 08/03/2012 21:34

squeakytoy i was going to say that too Smile

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2012 21:34

What do you mean you were 'caught'? Confused

It's your house, you live in it, they don't.

Your MIL had it absolutely spot on...houses with small kids in tend to be messy at times.

skybluepearl · 08/03/2012 21:35

You would have to be super woman to keep a house tidy with 18 month old twins and a four year old!!

UserNameNotAvailable · 08/03/2012 21:35

This always happens to me. We are a naturally messy family but try to lImit the mess and tidy toys etc everyday. The house can be really tidy all week then the day I think ah feck it and the place is like a bomb has hit it the kids look feral and every cup and plate has been used THAT is the day I get a visit from dp's family, of course their house is always immaculate and I just know they are judging even if they say not to worry.

skybluepearl · 08/03/2012 21:37

I love visiting people with messy houses. Makes me feel normal.

countessbabycham · 08/03/2012 21:41

Have you ever thought that when she comes round and the house is neat,she maybe wishes you didn't run yourself ragged for her benefit?

She sounds nice,and seriously, with 3 kids at their stages/ages,a messy house is a far more realistic picture.

Put it out of your mind.

DrCoconut · 08/03/2012 21:49

Our house is always usually a pit quite untidy. But people seem to have a knack of visiting when it's at its worst. We both work and so tend to have a big tidy/clean at weekends, so by about now it needs it again! I feel really embarassed by the house being a mess, DH doesn't even notice care.

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