to be pissed off at 'chipping' in and other constant expenses?!

[CrapBag]

I really love my friends and I am glad that there is such a good group of us but I am getting bloody fed up with how much it is costing me!!!

I worked out last year that with all our childrens birthdays, there are over 20 in a year. That is without family birthdays too (and before you say don't buy for them all, they all always have parties so require a present). I have already planned ahead for most of them and bought in the sales.

Then it comes to the adult birthdays. I never really bothered much with mine but all my friends seem to require a night out. I don't mind for a significant birthday or occasion but it is for each and every one of them now.

There is a hen weekend coming up. Fantastic, great weekend away with the girls but it seems to be really stacking up in the cost. First paying for the weekend, fine. Factoring spending money, that is going to cost more than I thought so I will have to go really easy. Then we had to buy something specific to wear, then they are talking about all chipping in to buy food for everyone, then all chipping in for some drink. Now we have been asked to chip in to buy the Hen some hen night stuff. It is costing more than our family holidays in a cheap caravan!

The hen is also having another night in our home town for the people who can't make the weekend. It is also expected that I am to go to that too! When I said I wouldn't be able to afford it, I got "yes but its for so and so's birthday too" then "you could just come out for the bit after". Arrggghhhhh.

When I said the other day that I was going to make my lunch and take it with me for one of the days away to save me spending out more money, my friend looked like she wanted to laugh.

My friends aren't rich and I know there are a couple of others who are also feeling the pinch but I am probably the 'poorest' one as I can't work and DH's wages are not very high. Even my friends that don't work have more money as their DH's have good incomes.

I am getting really embarrassed about having to constantly remind them that I just can't afford it and I am literally watching every penny I spend as I am desperately trying to save at the moment as well, which is more of a priority than nights out all the time.

Grrrrrrr. Rant over. Just getting fed up and feel embarrassed about our lack of money sometimes.

You have nothing to be embarassed about, just keep saying very bluntly that you can't afford it. In fact it might be worth pointing out that this hen weekend is costing more than your family holiday. Some people have more money than others, it's just the way it is, and your friends are being rude to be putting you in such an awkward position.

Thats a good point about pointing it out about my family holiday. That is also coming up in a couple of months so we are going to need spending money and I have promised DS 1 big day trip out. The other days will be spent swimming etc which he'll love anyway.

Just say No to them. You need to prioritise your family, and if you are spending more on nights out with friends than your actual family holiday- well , you don't need anyone to tell you that that is not fair , do you?

I really dont get this trend to have the biggest most expensive hen nights, what ever happened to a pub crawl followed by a ruby? Seriously, i couldnt be doing with it

I am looking forward to the weekend away, mainly because it is a weekend away. I am not going out drinking for 3 nights, only the main night. I am quite happy to chill the rest of the time, its just the constant other things like "oh just chip in a couple of quid here and there" it all adds up, and yes saving for my family is a far bigger priority for me. This is a one off weekend and the nights out are going to be few and far between. I would rather have a night in tbh. Its too knackering to be going out now. God I feel so old and I'm not.

I do remember the pain of shared kitties and annoyance when someone decides that the bride or birthday girl mustn't fork out a penny for herself for the entire weekend. If you can say no to buying the hen hen stuff - and what the heck is that anyway, then explain you are on a budget.

You need to set yourself a budget and stick to it, if the weekend away costs more than planned then you can't go to the next night out, simple as that.

Why do you have to go at all? Why can't you work at all? Not sure I understand the logic. It's about choice isn't it? You can either chose to spend what little money you have on your family unit and occasionally have a night out that you can afford or you don't have fun as a family but you still live like a single girl without any children or commitments?

It sounds to me as though you have moved on from your girlfriends.

Yes I think you need to cut back on going on out, even if it is a birthday/hen do. I am in a similar financial position where my other girls have far more disposable income. I just say no. And act like I am not bothered about it.

For example, my group quite often meets for lunch then coffee/cake a various little cafes. I meet them later for coffee. Pay for mine at the counter. I am not eating cake as on a diet. I think you have to brazen it out and not let what you think the others are thinking bother you.

Hen do, just attend the evening bit after the meal. Say no to a kittie, that you are driving and join in and have fun.

I'm sorry, I must be really mean and horrible but I would just say that I can't afford it at the outset. I love my friends but there is no way I would spend as much on a flipping hen weekend as on my family holiday. I just think it is outrageous to ask others to do this.

I too would just say no from the outset. I don't like being railroaded into things and am pretty firm if I don't want to do something. Like Cherries has said, there is no way I would spend as much on a hen weekend or night out as we would spend on a family holiday.

I meant to say, if your friends are true friends then they will understand your situation and won't think any less of you for not being able to go.

What Did I Done? :(