to think that just because I'm older and on baby number 3, people should not ignore me at baby groups?

[lottielou39]

Our third baby is now three months and a few weeks ago I finally decided to get us a social life (apart from meeting up with friends of mine for coffee during the day etc.) and joined a local baby massage course. It's quite an expensive, privately run course (long waiting list for council run one) and the other women are solicitors/city professionals etc. (I've a good job, but not in the same league as a city lawyer!). With the exception of one woman who is on her second baby, the others are first time Mums.
It's a structured activity and we all sit around the room next to each other.
I just struggle to get anyone to talk to me. It's a bit of an ego bash because I like to think I'm a nice, friendly, easy going sort of woman. And I think I'm good company, have friends and am a happy person. Today everyone kind of turned towards the person next to them and I was sat chatting to my daughter! (who is very good company, lol!). I sometimes struggle with small talk (or end up talking shit because I'm not sure what else to say) but I always smile, chat and speak to people. Bit hard when their backs are turned though.
And I wondered if it's because I'm older and on my third baby? I don't come across all Mummy expert who knows it all cos I've done it all before, but the only logical explanation I can think of for the frosty reception is because I'm a third timer? AIBU?

I bet you're just being paranoid. We all struggle with small talk and breaking into conversation. And we all have a tendency to think everyone else is good at small talk and have made firm friendships when they probably haven't really.

You sound jolly nice to me. Maybe they are also a bit on the snooty side and not worth the effort? Try a different group of more like minded women?

I had to try lots of groups and activities before I found one where I fitted. It's really hard work trying to 'break in' to a circle like that.

I think you are being a bit oversensitive, but I have been in your shoes so many times and I know what it feels like.

The other women at a baby class aren't necessarily in your position, wanting to meet new friends. They may be doing the class with a friend and only really want to talk to them. Or doing the class because they want to learn about baby massage. Or doing the class to meet friends, but they have already met 2 people they can chat to, and that's enough for them.

I used to go to baby and toddler coffee mornings and get depressed when nobody would speak to me and I ended up chatting to my own toddler. Don't take it personally. Everyone has their own agenda, it won't always fit in with yours, but it doesn't mean they don't like you.

that makes sense, about everyone having a different agenda. I dunno. I'm not really looking for friends as I have plenty, but because this is my third baby (with a big age gap, my friends kids are tweens/teens), I wanted to get to know some local women with babies. Must keep trying I guess...

my mate had this, middle class first time mums massage bitches

fuck em, move on. really x

"middle class first time mums massage bitches" sound like comic book villains

And in answer to OP, first timers often know each other from NCT group, which the second and third timers don't tend to go to. It only occurred to me that I couldn't go to NCT the second time round when I remembered there was no one to look after the baby ha!

I went to a council run baby massage group and tried talking to the other mums. One week after the class they all went off to one mum's house - I wasn't asked :(

Tried a toddler group and as luck would have it there were 2 mums there with babies the same age as mine and another one started a few weeks later. We all got on just fine.

This was my 5th baby and I am old enough to be most other mum's mother

What porcamiseria said. It's not you, it's them... Don't take it personally. Do the course and forget about them. Like you say, you've plenty of friends who are probably more your cup of tea.

thanks. I'm probably feeling a bit thin skinned this week after having to deal with a neurotic Mother at school who likes to text every time her daughter and mine have a minor fall out (which they then sort out the next day). I ended up raising my voice at her on the phone. Which I never do. I'd rather pull my eyes out with a pin than have to deal with conflict!
Crappy week really.

YABU to think it's because you're a third timer. I met tons of lovely friends at various groups, although there are always going to be some that are more friendly than others (one class in particular was veh unfriendly, so I just didn't go back there). I also met women who were on their second, third or even fourth or fifth baby and I don't think they had any difficulty fitting in, at least not that I ever noticed.

I would suggest you try another group or two and see if the people there are different. If the people at the group already know each other, you might have a harder time 'breaking in' and you will have to make the lion's share of effort, at least at first.

I think it's like bringmesunshine says. If they are first timers, they are likely to know each other already from NCT classes. When I was on maternity leave, I found there are always a few of us in every activity I want to do with my LO. Even now at swimming class, there is another from my NCT group in the same slot. I think NCT mum tend to be middle class and more likely to pay for these activities, so we all tend to go to the same things in our area. Hope it makes sense to you.