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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think there is no easy way forward

3 replies

whitewall · 08/03/2012 09:34

Someone who i had been good friends with has started ignoring me and talking about me behind my back. It doesnt come as a surprise as she used to talk about a mutual friend all the time and then be all 'best friends' with her. This was one of the reasons i cooled off on our friendship.

I dont mind us not being friends but what i am finding extremely difficult is her bitching about me to mutual friends who are all now acting very cool towards me.

We live in a small village and it is at the point where i walked into nursery to pick up ds and old friend completely blanked me but stood loudly laughing with a group of people who i am also friendly with some only to chit chat at pick up etc. Some i know are oblivious to the situation but others not and i feel desperately let down by them. People whom i considered friends.

Even the mutual friend who she bitched about constantly has joined the band wagon, i presume completely unaware that she was being bitched about by her so called friend. She has however been texting me asking if i am ok becasue she knows i am down with other things going on at the mo. So i know she is trying to remain friends but it feels so false when i know this other girl will have been bitching about me to her.

I feel i just cant win.This woman is very charming and pleasant, she seems so lovely yet clearly she is not.

Whilst i can forget her and concentrate on my true friends (who are not in this nursery/village group) it is very difficult going to drop/ collect my ds each day and face these people. Clearly this woman is painting me in a bad light and tbh i have so much shit going on in my life at them moment i just cant take much more.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/03/2012 09:40

There are only two choices for this kind of thing. One is to ignore any gossiping, blanking or other childish behaviour completely and not let it bother you. The other is to tackle it head-on, tell people the truth and give the shit-stirrer both barrels. As I think life is too short to let others get you down, I favour the latter.

whitewall · 08/03/2012 10:08

Initially i did tackle it head on. Went straight to the 'shit stirrer' and asked was all ok, was she pissed off etc and after a few days she texted to say no, no problem all fine. So next time we met i made a huge effort to chat and act like there was no problem like she said. The next day a true friend tells me she has heard from one of the mutual friends all about the problem and knows in detail about my texting friend etc confirming that there is indeed a problem and that it is being discussed with other people behind my back,

Feel like im back at fucking school. I have asked directly is there anything wrong, have i upset u etc. Dont know what else i can do but i am finding the whole thing hard to take. Why do people have to be so nasty?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/03/2012 10:17

Never ask 'what have I done wrong?' because that's putting the blame on you and allows the other person to lie and deny. You say very directly to their face (not a text which is another lie opportunity).... 'I know you're bad-mouthing me behind my back & I want it to stop right now. We are no longer friends'. You then talk openly to real friends about what a shit stirrer the person is and how they musn't believe a word she says. Attack is the best form of defence.

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