To not want do to leave 3 yo ds unattended?

[BlastOff]

I genuinely don't know if I'm being over protective or not.

Ds is 3 and a 1/4 and generally quite 'sensible', but he's three. He obviously doesn't understand about some things, and is curious about others (like the hob...)

This morning I was feeding the baby upstairs and dh had ds downstairs. The next thing I heard was dh in the shower, having obviously left ds downstairs alone. He left him in front of a YouTube video.

I am irritated because I've asked him before not to leave him downstairs for extended periods of time (this was about 15 mins), especially when he can't hear what's going on (if he falls and hurts himself, is crying, he can let himself out of the front door - I had no idea if dh had put the chain on) because of the noise of the shower.

I could just about hear what was going on, but dh doesn't know this, and obviously I couldn't hear 100%, but could have heard if he'd opened the front door etc.

Dh says I've got to 'let go'. I feel I know ds better being at home with him all day, and that he is not that trustworthy (which is perfectly normal, what with being three and all)

So, AIBU and should I let go a bit?

My ds is the same age. I had to leave dh and ds this morning while I took the girls to school. Dh was in the shower, so I put ds into the bathroom with him.

BUT I was leaving the house. In your case, you were still in the house. I suppose your dh assumed you would be able to hear your ds.

At this age I would work at keeping the house safe enough for you to be able to leave him in another room for 15 minutes. So yes, chain should be on etc. But frankly, if he falls and hurts himself, can't he go and find your dh? Is it any different from if he wakes up at night when you are both asleep and comes to find you and falls over? Surely you must sleep some time?

I think by that age your DS should be safe for short periods on his own! If you're unhappy about the kitchen, I used to have a stairgate across the door to keep little ones out.

My DC3 is 3.4 and as long as the oven isn't on, we are happy to leave him on another floor whilst we are getting ready in the morning. He tends to soon get bored on his own and come and find one of us anyway. Our situation is slightly different as we have older DC (10 and 7 yo), so they'll often be around if we are in another part of the house.

i think at 3, for him to be in one room when there are two other parents in the house, albeit in different rooms, is absolutely fine. Id say it would be fine even younger than that. We all need to take showers etc

My dd2 is also 3.5 but not sensible. I don't think I would feel too happy if my DH got in the shower while he was looking after her.

Perhaps you just need to communicate a bit more clearly with your DH? We always have a 'hand over' type conversation to make it clear who is taking responsibility for our slightly scatty dd2 or younger ds1.

And we are both extremely paranoid about the front door since an escape attempt when dd2 had to be returned by a neighbour, fortunately I heard the front door close and was only a minute behind her but still doesn't bear thinking about and will never be able to look that neighbour in the eye again Just try to get into the habit of putting the chain on when you close the door behind you on getting back into the house and of checking it's on the chain when you walk past? We've also got a stair gate across the kitchen door. Then perhaps it would be easier to 'let go' a bit as you would know your son couldn't get into too much trouble.

Hhmm dd is 2 and a half and plays upstairs on her own. I certainly go for a shower(lock the front doors etc obv) and she can wander upstairs or downstairs. You can always staircase off the kitchen. We kind of make it a rule to lock the door when we are in just in case they wander. I think YABU tbh

I leave ds (3+3) on his own downstairs while I shower and dress in the morning, for about half an hour. I always lock the kitchen door and fortunately the front door has a high bolt on it that he can't reach. That way he can play in the living room or watch tv but can't get anywhere where he could find dangerous stuff. Can you keep him to one or two rooms only and still have him able to get upstairs to you if he needs you?

I have a 3 and a bit year old, and I leave her in the living room for ten/fifteen minutes while I shower if my husbands not about. I stay in a flat, so it's all one level, there's a safety gate on the kitchen and the front door has a chain on it.
She's fine, I put on the tv and she goes goggle eyed or she comes in and asks what I'm doing constantly.

I think you know your own child though, and if you think he cannot be left alone for fifteeen minutes then you may be right. So on that basis, YANB completely U.

YANBU. Depends on the child and house though. I only leave my 3 and a bit year old to pop to loo quickly. Wouldn't have shower etc but he is a climber and hyperactive. My DDs would have been fine.

I leave mine (1 and 3) downstairs whilst I dress and shower. I leave them in the living room which is as child proofed as I can make it, they can't get to the front door (locked and key up high anyway).

I've only recently started leaving the youngest, always taking her up with me before. But they are good together and its a small house and even with the shower on I can hear if they shout.

I have perfected the shower-dress-make up in less than 15 minutes routine though - something in my single days I didn't think physically possible!!

I agree with cory - by 3 the house should be safe enough to play in another room as long as parents are nearby.

I see where you're coming from - but I actually think it's fine.

Fall and hurt yourself isn't a big deal. I'd be more watchful of things like chain on door/chemicals/ knives - but that can be sorted with babyproofing and education.

In general, I think escalating responsibility is the best safety precaution for your DC in the long run (I.e. Loosen the leash a little- but if trust is breached reel him back in - and keep doing this as they get older and you get issues like them wanting to use tools or play out).

I think he should be fine- but please, never leave him unattended with YouTube again. They can access some very scary and unsuitable stuff on there within seconds.

Thank you. All your responses were very helpful.

I do let him roam about on the same floor as me or I'd never cook supper, change the baby etc but it was the shower and not being able to hear him that worried me.

I agree that if the kitchen was better child proofed it would help. And we do need to make sure the front door is always bolted.

I definitely agree about you tube too. Good point.

But was the laptop which he can't use (yet!) rather than iPad which he could 'choose' what he was watching.