The reason I joined MN was because at the end of y5 my DD1 was being horribly bullied by her ex-BF who has subjected her to horrendous behaviour and I needed someone to advise me in the early hours (thanks to those who did). The situation was very bad, and the mother of the ex-BF phoned me on three occasions to basically deflect the problem from her child to mine. Along the lines of "it's because your child is argumentative, a liar" etc. She would then tell me all her family problems and start crying, this happened on two of the three occasions. I responded by not reacting to criticisms of my child and then trying to help her with her situation, which was indeed bad and deserving of sympathy. I can't explain without huge detail how bizarre these conversations were.
I quickly realised that I needed to go through the school, and told the other mother I was doing do, out of some misplaced sense of decency I think. She also went to see them, which is her perogative. The situation now in term two of y6 is that this child continues with bullying when she can get away with it, but the school are really on to it so there are minimal opportunies for this to occur. And my DD has made other friends. They will not be going to the same secondary school. The situation really is as good as I can make it until she leaves. It has an equilibrium.
Now for the bit where I turn into a child. The ex-BF mother sees me as her friend. She contantly seeks me out at the school gate and sends the odd text. I really do not want to associate with her, given her lack of sensitivity over past events. Bluntly she really hurt me. More importantly I think it sends out a bad message to my DD, in that I am dismissing what she went though. I have tried standing in a group, or engaging in deep conversation with another parent but there she is. I have never blanked her or been rude, it's not in my nature. Although given the things she said about my child most people would.
Ok now for the difficult bit. She is an unpopular school gate mother. No-one is interested in her because she has spent the last 7 years not been interested in anyone else. She is difficult to talk to, and prior to this i was the only one who made the effort for many years. I suspect, and a thoughtful other mother, who knows nothing of this situation, first put the thought in my head that she has aspergers, or some other socially limiting disorder. reading this back I sound like a total bitch, but I cannot emphasis enough the distress this woman's child and her response caused. So what do I do. I feel I am in danger of wanting to bully (by this I mean at worse male an excuse and walk away pointedly) another vunerable mother, whose DD is happily bullying mine without sanction from the parents. my alternative is to keep on having to talk to her at the school gate when quite frankly I want to clip her child round the head and tell her to leave me alone. Talk some sense into me.